Very soon, many College and High school students will be packing their carry-ons with little more than bikinis and sunscreen. After all, this is the world we live in. So for Christians, how does that jive with Rom 12:2a “Do not be conformed to this world…”?

Is it possible for Christian spring-breakers to pack a dose of modesty into their suitcases?Absolutely. And unlike Google’s assessment, not only is it possible, it’s easier than one might think.

Why am I so confident? As a Christian professional model working in the high-end world of fashion, I’ve been able to navigate and thrive in this “skin-is-in” industry—without sacrificing my standards. And I’m convinced my Christian sisters can do the same, on (and off) the beach.

When I came to the Lord as a professional model in New York City many years ago, I had to learn that my choices reflected my heart. This included the clothes I wore and how my wardrobe spoke volumes of where I stood in my relationship to Christ.

First Samuel 16:7 says, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart.” This passage used to bring me comfort whenever I felt others were judging me. I would smile inwardly and quote the verse to myself in a self-righteous tone. It wasn’t until much later that God revealed my true motives and everything that was in my heart.

My pride, selfishness, and entitlement became more obvious to me the closer I walked with the Lord. This especially included my wardrobe choices. I struggled with it—I really did. We’re so often taught not to worry about what others think about us. And I didn’t. If I liked it, I wore it…get over it.

Then, as I thought of this verse, and as God opened my eyes, something strange happened. I was terrified that God saw my heart. The verse no longer brought me comfort but shame. I knew what lurked deep down, and it wasn’t pretty. Even though others might not have known, God knew. This is when God pierced my heart about specifically about modesty.

“I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety (a regard for spiritual things)” (1 Timothy 2:9). The verse jumped off the page at me. I looked again to see if my name prefaced the statement. It did not. But it was just as personal.

It seemed hard at first. No, impossible. How could this fashionista decipher what is modest and what is not? What is acceptable in the 21^st century and what are just old-fashioned rules? How can one be fashionable yet modest? Enter the male opinion.

We’ve all heard how men and women think differently. But I was amazed they had such strong opinions on what women wore. I interviewed a few bold young men. Interested in what they had to say?

“The world says ‘If you have it, flaunt it. We’re saying if you have it, protect it.’” –Seth, Age 20, California

“Certain lures are used to attract certain types of fish. In the same way, how you dress and act will attract certain types of guys.” –Tyler, Age 16, North Carolina

“When a girl dresses immodestly, not only is she a stumbling block—an opportunity that could lead someone into sin—but also she is presenting herself as insecure.” –Chase, Age 21, Alaska

“I can tell you from experience that the way a girl dresses can definitely help or hinder a guy’s spiritual walk. So if you dress immodestly, you are truly ‘dressed to kill.’” –Tommy, Age 19, New York

These were only a few. But over and over again, every guy was saying the same thing. And they wish we’d just understand.

On Spring Break there will be plenty of guys gawking at the abundance of flesh peeking through string bikinis and mini skirts. But they are not the kinds of guys any girl I know would be interested in impressing.

Clothing speaks. It gives indications of our motivations, how we feel about ourselves, and the depth of our faith. The question we need to ask ourselves is “What kind of message are we sending?”

Modesty is important. We find its mandate in God’s Word, and negative implications abound without it. LZ Granderson wrote about girls and immodesty in a CNN article:

In 2007, the American Psychological Association’s Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls issued a report linking early sexualization with three of the most common mental-health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression. There’s nothing inherently wrong with parents wanting to appease their daughters by buying them the latest fashions. A line needs to be drawn, but not by Abercrombie. Not by Britney Spears. And not by these little girls who don’t know better and desperately need their parents to be parents and not 40-year-old BFFs.

Eating disorders, low self esteem and depression stemming from early sexualization related to immodest dress? You bet. I’ve seen the results, I’ve counseled the girls, and I’ve written the book.

My plea to parents: As a mom, I know there are some fights worth fighting, and others that aren’t. But this is a hill to die on. We must educate ourselves and our daughters about immodesty’s consequences, while providing some creative strategies on dressing modestly fashionable.

Maybe this time next year, when I Google “Modesty on Spring Break,” there will be resources, photos and tips instead of a suggestion to change my search.

Enjoy the break, and show off your best side…your inside!

Resources and footnotes: 1) Fashioned By Faith, Rachel Lee Carter (Thomas Nelson, 2011) 2) Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild, Mary Kassian (Moody, 2010) 3) LZ Granderson, weekly columnist for CNN.com and ESPN.com http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/19/granderson.children.dress/index.html

4) http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Connecticut-cheerleaders-want-uniforms-with-more?urn=highschool-274505

© RachelLeeCarter for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Bikini, expectations, heart attitude, modesty, short skirt, spring break, testimony, Wardrobe

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anna_blue dress_red chair_1

Originally uploaded by rodhays

Is This Modest?

MInTheGap: This is an interesting dress. There’s a big bow in the center front– so I can’t tell if it opens. The straps are wider than spaghetti, but still show a lot of shoulder. I can understand wearing it if you want to get a tan. That being said, the skirt portion looks a tad short– since she’s laying forward I’m assuming it would move up when she stood up. Definitely seems like it would be an impractical dress.

Foy: Provided that the front is covered with the bow, I think it looks good from the waist up. But, what I said in the previous Quick Review regarding shorts comes into play with this skirt: they shrink when standing.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blue dress, bow, red chair, short skirt

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Jordan Senior Shoot-071111-P-2533P-0059

Originally uploaded by jimbeauphoto

Is This Modest?

MInTheGap: I’m afraid not– though it will keep her clothes from getting wet. The skirt is much too short, and the top is pretty low, and I’m not sure there are any buttons to make it higher. Other than that, always be careful wearing white around water (be it rain or a lake).

Foy: It’s the trifecta: a very short skirt, a very white shirt, and water abounding. It makes the mind wonder many things…none of them good.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: jean skirt, short skirt, Water, white

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Originally uploaded by Quiiquee

Is This Modest?

MInTheGap: The top is a great color– but it’s almost skin tone. The beads draw attention to the bust. The skirt is definitely short. I’d avoid this outfit.

Erin: Going all the way with MIn on this one. :-/

Foy: Hate to be a nodding head, but MIn has stolen my words. Very skin tonish; makes the mind wonder if you are actually seeing through it.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beads, pink top, short skirt, skin tone

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Originally uploaded by Nancy’s Art & Photography

Is This Modest?

MInTheGap: The top is cute– it comes up high, even though the straps are small– and it is feminine and is long enough. However, the skirt is very short. One of the things that runs through my mind when I see a short skirt is “how would see bend over modestly to pick up that stick if it fell?”

Erin: Hmm. I don’t think any of the outfit is modest. The shirt is high enough, but it still shows a lot of upper body skin. And the skirt…is just way too short.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: feminine, short skirt, skirt, top

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To that end, there are definitely things to avoid—and as the idea of this site is to actually help you visualize problems as well as talk through them, in this post I’m going to show you some images and talk to what to avoid while you’re out looking for that gown. 

Michelle and Brad Originally uploaded by Brad and Michelle

Most formals are going to draw attention to the lady’s form.  It’s something that’s usually just a given.  The color is going to be something bold, the cut is going to be something that flatters her form, and it’s going to try to make her feel beautiful.

Those are all a given.

#1 Avoid spaghetti straps.

As you can see, this girl to the left is pretty.  She has a great color on, and they look very elegant.  But the spaghetti straps show off a lot of skin—her soft shoulders—as well as have the front of her dress coming down far enough if Brad is her husband, but too far for onlookers.

Again, a very elegant look, and I can see why she chose the dress, but if you’re going for a modest look, it’s something you want to avoid.

Prom 2008
Originally uploaded by brooke.zumas

Whereas I believe the above young lady was wanting to look elegant, this young lady is trying to show off what she’s got—or at least that’s what her dress is saying.

#2 Avoid all Dresses that Plunge

This dress draws all the attention to this girl’s top.  It focuses all attention on her assets—almost bragging about how developed she is.

Personally, as an aside, it’s amusing to me that girls or guys find natural things as something they wish to brag about.  They had nothing to do with when or how they grew up—it was all determined before.

However, I understand it.  When young ladies mature, they want to show what they have because it attracts guys.  Modesty shows a better way—focusing on who you are, and not on what you are.

#3 Halter Tops Are the Enemy

off for the evening
Originally uploaded by secretnevertold

I can remember vividly a commercial from when I was a kid—it talked about cleaning different clothing with this brand of laundry detergent and one of the pieces was a halter top shirt—for the rebellious girl in you.

Why are halter tops a problem?  If it isn’t obvious, halter tops tend to plunge and they expose a lot of your back and upper arms.  While I think showing the back isn’t the worst thing, the plunge exposes a lot of chest area and the shoulders display curves/softness.  Feminine, but something to be avoided if you’re going for a modest look.

prom Originally uploaded by natalia_zaslavsky

#4 High Slits are not your friend.

You may think that a high slit allows you to have the best of both worlds—having a long length and yet still be a bit “flirty.”  The problem is that high slits still expose a whole lot of your leg and invite the opportunity for the guy to look.

Think of wearing a high slit the same as if you were wearing a skirt that ended where the top of the slit ends.

Now, one way to fix this problem is to pin the slit or sew it—but I’m sure that part of the reason for the slit is to be able to wear a tighter dress and still have mobility.

This look just is not modest.

#5 Strapless dresses are feminine, but they help the imagination.

Originally uploaded by Joseph Ong

If a strapless dress were worn any other time than a formal, we’d all agree.  A survey here at Is This Modest declared that there’s no disagreement that tube tops are immodest, and that’s part of what’s at play here.

And yet I know that there are both women and men that believe that a strapless dress is not only acceptable in a formal situation, but that it is also beautiful and elegant, and I can understand where they are coming from.

What makes a dress feminine is what it shows and how it compliments a woman—and the strapless dress shows the shoulders and there’s no question that it’s a lady wearing it.

Still, I would advise that you should stay away from strapless formals, unless you plan on wearing something to cover your shoulders and exposed skin when you’re in public, simply because of the attention that they bring and what is going on in a guy’s mind.

Granted, there is less attention if there are many women that are in strapless dresses—for then it’s not as big a deal that you’re the only one in it—but the chances for a disaster and the constant need to pull the dress up make these impractical, even if you believe them to be appropriate/modest.

Poison Ivy Originally uploaded by Montecristono4

#6 Though it may cover…

You may believe you’ve found the perfect dress—one that would rank “Modest” in a Quick Review here because it covers everything that needs to be covered.  The problem is that material and how tight a dress is can actually show more than you think.

A lot of formal material is shiny, and while most of it is not as shiny as the sequin material in this photo, it all has the same effect.  The lighting on this photo shows this woman’s every curve—both the reflection as well as the shadow—making this gown something I would say you shouldn’t wear if you want to look modest.

I personally have wondered about shiny shirts, blouses and skirts for this reason—the way the light reflects can give everything away, and as someone that’s looking to dress modestly, this is something you want to avoid.

Warehouse Shoot (Unedited)
Originally uploaded by ABCOL – Duncan Gerrie

#7 Watch That Skirt Length

Though you may be tempted to go a little shorter on your dress length because it is a formal and you’ll be dancing, or you have nice legs, you want to beware of short skirts.

To me, part of being modest is being practical.  If I were a girl and I had to spend a lot of the evening making sure my dress didn’t fall down, or that when I sat down I wasn’t exposing any “secrets” to anyone, then it wouldn’t be worth it—especially when there are options out there that would be both formal and modest.

The truth is that formal often means “more elegant”, “more feminine” and “showing more of the female form,” but that doesn’t mean that it has to make any of those statements.

Remember when you are picking out a dress to think about the “opportunities” you’re permitting, and how not only the guy you’re going with will see you, but also the other guys.  You want to look nice, you want to feel like a princess, but you also want to say “look at me for who I am, not what I am”.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Formal wear, halter top, pluging neckline, prom, shiny material, short skirt, spaghetti straps, strapless

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Erin: Nope. I think the top is a bit tight, but mostly it’s just too short. And those heels! Wow…

MInTheGap: How can she walk in those?  Yes, I don’t know if it’s the camera lens or what, but this girl and her outfit seem most immodest.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© Erin L. for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: colors, dress, short skirt, top

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Is This Modest?

Erin: It’s cute! However, the skirt is too short and the top is very revealing. It needs a t-shirt underneath.

MInTheGap: Immodest.  I mean, a purse can only hide so much!

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© Erin L. for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Casual, clothing, dress, purse, short skirt, skirt, sundress, sunglasses, t-shirt

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Is This Modest?

Erin: The skirt is really too short, and I think that even with the layering the neckline is still too low.

MInTheGap: The skirt of the dress is shorter than it should be, and the neckline is borderline.  If that’s a sweater, it could be buttoned and that would help.  I’m trying to find a redeeming feature, but I’m afraid I’m going immodest here.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© Erin L. for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Borderline, clothing, dress, layer, Neckline, short skirt, skirt, sweater

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Is This Modest?

Erin: No, it’s not modest. The skirt is too high for one thing; but the big problem is her (lack of) the top half of the dress. It’s too low, and shows pretty much everything.

MInTheGap: There’s little that this dress does not show– and the heels even make the problem worse, in my opinion.  The only thing that’s left to ask is, if you’re going for this immodest look, why does it look like a tent?

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© Erin L. for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: clothing, dress, People, short skirt, skirt, sleeveless, strapless

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