As a wife and woman in this world, pride (the opposite of humility) is an incredible temptation that has devastating consequences. In Genesis the curse towards women was in part that we would seek to dominate men (Gen 3:16) but that he would rule over us. Reminding myself of this helps, in part, to control this desire. I understand that it is a common curse and I am given no more then I can handle. Just as my husband was cursed to forever work for food and prepare for his family so am I cursed to continually want to usurp his authority. It is not so much a flaw in our personal characteristics but a common blight allowed to inflict the gender of women. This pride though, when allowed to fester in our hearts, will break down our husbands and cause a rift in our relationship with the Lord.

Entering into the marriage covenant places on us the responsibility to be subjected to our husbands and serve him as to serve the Lord. Be prepared though, as at our inner core is a spark of rebellion that will eventually become a flame and consume your marriage if you do not recognize it and extinguish it. This may come in forms of trying to control the money, demanding to have the final say in a decision, embracing an argumentative spirit or even believing in your heart you SHOULD have the final say as you think you know better. All these examples, plus an abundance more, will raise you in your own eyes and degrade your husband to the point of possibly resenting him in your life.

When we humble ourselves before the Lord and before our spouse we are protected and honoured. We are in a place of obedience that will not go unrewarded (although this should not be our first motivation). When opportunities arise where you could place your needs first, don’t pretend they do not exist, but try to place your husband’s needs before them. Share with him truthfully what you need and desire but not in a way of making him feel guilty when you put him first.

When there is humility in our relationship, from both sides, an incredible gift is given: contentment. Our hearts are at peace because we no longer strive and yearn for our own demands to be met. You can rest, knowing you are in obedience. Be at peace truly understanding that the Lord adores you and has not forgotten you, even if you seem to have forgotten yourself.

© HeSingsOverYou for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Christian, Family, humble, husband, marriage, wife

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Forgiveness is a word that can bring pain and peace at the same time, it means possibly refusing yourself to feel justified in your anger but also allows peace to flood in where resentment may have settled

As a newly wedded wife you will have expectations and visions of marriage, your husband, and how those first years will magically form into a beautiful song that reflects the love you both have for each other. But, reality is, you are both humans beings, driven often by sinful desires and character flaws that seem all too prominent.

Preparing yourself for your own imperfections in marriage, as well as your partners, will ease the jolt of tackling daily life together. My husband and I have an incredible relationship and I can without a doubt say we are best friends who could spend every day together and not tire of each other’s company. But we both have insecurities that the other does not and strengths the other does not possess which can result in unforeseen conflict. This is where a wife with a peaceful, forgiving heart shines. 

She is understanding of her husbands weaknesses, as well as her own, and allows the relationship to be lived in reality and not in her sky high expectations. This includes accepting that she will be hurt in the marriage but that reaching out in forgiveness, possibly even before an apology is offered, will settle a calm over the household that provides safety to make mistakes and be yourself. When both partners understand that forgiveness awaits them if a mistake is made there is a stronger desire to work together and share true emotions due to each knowing they are not at risk of being rejected. For deep, fear-sharing conversations to take place there must be a vulnerability and knowledge of safety, but how can a husband feel comfortable enough to share these feelings if he knows he must watch his step for fear of his wife holding what he says against him in an unforgiving way? A forgiving heart opens the door to an overwhelming feeling of safety.

We have all heard that holding a grudge only hurts you, especially if the other person is unaware of their offensive actions. In a marriage this is usually the case as men and women are two completely different beings and share/interpret things differently. Allowing what seems like an insensitive comment from your husband to break your heart and destroy your day only gives bitterness a soft spot to take root. From this we must learn that forgiveness also means believing the very best about your spouse. That when a hurtful comment is expressed you either decide to believe you know he loves you and would not intentionally say such things to harm you. Or simply ask, with gentleness, not hostility, what he meant by his action or comment. If allowed to fester in your heart, with no decision made to forgive, your peace will flutter out the window leaving you more volatile when a true conflict arises.

When I look back on our first two years I am so thankful for the growth in forgiveness. I do not look with fear into the future because I know arguments and things spoken out of haste will not last forever as forgiveness will always be the final word. Although sadness may be present, you need not be anxious when a conflict or misunderstanding arises because you can see the end of the tunnel before an argument even ensues.

For a bride-to-be, a forgiving heart is a necessary tool to keep you focused on your love for your husband and his true love for you. Conflict will surface and we are ignorant to think otherwise, but the Lord gave us a command to forgive for a reason, because it brings His peace into our homes and creates in us Christ-like hearts. What a beautiful thought, and even now as I ponder on this characteristic I understand how far more valuable it is then being a good cook or having the talent to darn socks :). A forgiving heart could save your marriage, and if not needed to that extreme, it will create a home where ideas, emotions and true feelings can be safely expressed and worked through.

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Post tags: Christian woman, forgiveness, marriage

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This morning I awoke to the both the birds and the rain. An instant smile hit my face as I knew spring was creeping slowly through the window with the rays of sunshine. It is very common for the idea of spring to describe new birth, fresh starts and a sense of rejuvenation, but for many women it means the count down is on to one of the biggest days of their lives. Their wedding day.

This day may have been in your minds since you were old enough to comprehend the thought of a white dress, marrying a handsome man and ultimately living the ever after seen in your favourite princess movie. What I have learnt over the past two years of my marriage is that this day was only the start. I had my day planned down to my earrings and barefoot feet but truly, in all honesty, did not prepare much more then the outward celebration that lasted 24 hours. My husband and I had been best friends since we were 15 and I thought that, when we married at 22, I knew who I was, who he was and how the rest of our lives would pan out. Well, as always, the Lord allowed unexpected emergencies, a crippling family crisis and now, just under two years later, a beautiful baby on the way.

This series is really coming from my walk the past two years. I have had such a desire to seek out the role of women in a marriage and in society, but believe my husband and I would have been much better off if I had started before we were married :) Because of that, I am excited to share with you what I have learnt and the lessons I have been taught to hopefully help you prepare your heart and your life for beyond the big day. Yes, your wedding day is a cause for immense celebration and there have been blogs written here about clothing options for brides and bridesmaids, but let’s together take it one more step further.

Let’s delve into your heart, talk about the reality of marriage, the beauty of being the woman in the relationship, but also the responsibility that being a wife holds and what you need to “put on” before you say your “I do’s”.

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Post tags: christian women, marriage, modest, wedding

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Before you were married, it seemed that you were the center of his world.  He couldn’t help but want to be with you non-stop.  He couldn’t imagine doing anything with out you.  You celebrated minor anniversaries—Oh look, honey, it’s 3 months after the first time you took me to the dentist for the first time!

He remembered your birthday.  He brought you gifts out of the blue.  Money was no object.  He remembered to brush his teeth before trying to kiss you—not that you cared!

After the Wedding

But after the wedding, and time passed, he no longer had to pursue you and the gifts and surprises that once were a part of your courtship have faded.  But that’s not the biggest thing that has you worried.

You start to wonder if he still thinks about you—or perhaps he’s started thinking about someone else.  Perhaps he’d want to pursue someone else?

He Still Thinks of You

The truth here is that, though he may not be thinking of all the creative ways to impress you any more, he’s still thinking of you.  He thinks of you in different ways than he did.  Though he’s probably still trying to think of ways to make you happy, he thinks about that on a different level.

Admit it, ladies, whereas before a dozen roses would have made you happy, you may now have your eyes on something bigger that he could do for you.  Whether it’s the project around the house (or getting a new house) your sites have been set higher now that he’s your sole source of support.

Your husband is now tasked daily with providing for you—money, food, clothes, shelter.  You’re always on his mind as he thinks about why he works, what it goes for, etc.

Responsibility

When he was a bachelor, his money was his own.  He worked, he may have saved, and he spent based on his feelings, his priorities and his choosing.  And let’s face it, while you were dating you received a whole lot of that because he wanted to spend it on you.  However, if there was something he wanted, he went out and got it.

When you married, the money because both of yours.  You had to compromise, to prioritize and to realize that it didn’t belong to just one of you, but both of you.  That really changed his ability to think of his money as a choice of something to spend.  Especially if you have a budget, it’s now “our money to spend.”

How can I Help?

So, the reality is that if you still want to see him think of you and show it with gifts, you have to enable him to do it.  You have to give him some leeway, some ownership.  It’s really awkward to sit down with your wife and say:

Okay, honey, this month I’m going to budget in $20 for flowers, a $100 piece of jewelry and $10 for chocolates… Is that ok with you?

Face it—that’s just plain strange.  He’s thinking about you, and he wants to give you good things, you just have to give him some room to do it.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: budget, dating, gifts, marriage, responsibility

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#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.

Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means, “I’m in lust.” Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person’s character?

Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?

Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he’s going to do?

Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?

Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

This is a good test.  We all need to make sure that the one that we want to spend our life with is someone that lives a life of kindness and doesn’t just demonstrate kindness to us because they feel in love with us.  Character lasts a whole lot longer than emotion.

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Post tags: future husband, marriage, person, WeekendKindness

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Conversely, the less skin we reveal and the less close-fitting our clothing is, the more we are enabling men to see our faces and think of us more as people in a non-sexual (or at least- much less sexual) way.

The eye-opening thing for us should be that a man will see what we “advertise” regardless of our intentions, and his perceptions of our sexual availability and spiritual condition will be set by OUR clothing regardless of his intentions.

“I don’t try to dress immodestly!”

Sometimes even clothing that we think is covering everything becomes immodest when we are bending over or leaning down.  Poorly fitting clothing that is a bit too low at the top, a bit too short, a bit too tight, or with armholes that are too deep can give men a view of us that we didn’t intend to allow.  With the way that low rise pants and shorts are cut, there isn’t much coverage when we have to bend over to help our children or stoop to reach a low shelf at the store, and so many tops are so short that it makes things even worse.

There are extra long modest tee shirts some women buy to go under their other shirts that cover way down to the hips.  Something like that might help the embarrassing and unintentional immodesty that we run into without meaning to.  Or we might have an unusual size and clothing gapes on us where it wouldn’t on other women or clothing is extra tight in places on us that it wouldn’t for women of other shapes and sizes.

Shopping for clothing is hard already, I know!  Finding things that fit, are flattering, and affordable can be a huge struggle, and yes, it is a pain to have to try to be extra careful on top of that to make sure that everything is covered even in awkward positions.  But I believe that men need our extra care and attention to this issue and appreciate every effort we can make on their behalf.

“I’m Looking For Mr. Right.”

If you are single and desiring to attract “the one” – please understand that if you are advertising yourself in a sexually provocative manner, you will attract men who are first of all interested in your body.  These men, once married, do not magically suddenly act like Christ and become generous, selfless, thoughtful, kind, patient, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.  Men generally don’t change much.  They are what they are and if anything, their flaws are only going to become much more magnified after marriage- just like ours will!

Marriage does NOT change men.  Women cannot change men!  You can’t “save” him from his past!  “Picking up a lost puppy” seems so tempting because we are so sympathetic to a man’s pain and hurt emotions when he tells us about the heartbreak in his life, but what you see before marriage is going to be much more of the same afterwards! 

A girl or woman who knowingly or unknowingly advertises through her clothing that she is “easy” to men and that her spiritual priorities are essentially non-existent will attract men who care nothing for her soul and emotions.  These men will continue to be who they are.  Being in our glorious presence won’t change them at all, generally. 

We are so blind to this sometimes!  We think that we can dress sexy and attract a man who will love us like Christ does.  And we are sorely disappointed when we marry a man we attracted to our sexuality and then that is all he is interested in.  And he will likely continue to be attracted to women who dress seductively.  So what do you have to keep him interested in you as you age or have children?

A single woman who desires to attract a man who will value her as a person, who will value her mind, emotions and soul would be wise to dress in such a way as to convey her inner spiritual priorities.  I would highly recommend dressing in a beautiful, feminine way because that will put you on the radar screen of the men around you.  If you dress in a unisex or masculine way, you may be seen as just “one of the guys” and not taken very seriously as dating or marriage potential. 

I believe that if you wear feminine dresses/skirts/pants and soft, beautiful materials that cover your body discreetly and modestly, you will find that you will attract men who have the same priorities spiritually that you do.  Yes, it is possible that some men with less than noble motives may still be attracted to your irresistible beauty- but your conscience can be clear that you are not purposely setting stumbling blocks in the way for your Christian brothers. 

And your classy, modest, feminine clothing will cause men to treat you so much differently!  Your beauty and obvious femininity and respect for yourself and your sexuality will cause men to see you as a LADY.  You’ll find guys opening the door for you more often -especially if you are friendly and receptive and gentle with your speech and manners.  Your beautiful, kind, gentle, peaceful spirit will attract godly men to you like a magnet.

But first they must get past your clothing. 

A godly man is going to avoid a sensually dressed woman like the plague!  Modest clothing allows a man to see your face, to observe your heart and your personality, to experience your spirit and to taste your priorities.  A godly guy will be thankful for the relief that your modesty provides to him and will immediately set you apart as potential marriage material in his eyes.

Married women, in my view, have a responsibility to dress modestly out of respect for God, themselves, their marriage and their husband.  A married woman who loves God would desire to help keep other men from being attracted to her and would do what she could to keep unwanted sexual advances, attention, and lust at bay.

Obviously, men are responsible to God for their own issues with lust.  But we do have a reasonable responsibility to help the guys out who are around us.  Our modesty is also cherished by our husbands and children because we represent Christ and our family well and are not bringing shame to those who love us by our style of dress.  Our clothing LOUDLY reflects on our husbands, in particular.  People make judgements about the character of our men by how we dress and how we act and by the respect with which we speak and carry ourselves.  People also make judgements about Christ by how we dress, speak and act, as well.  So as a woman who loves Jesus, I want to honor Him in every possible way.  And as a woman who deeply respects my husband, I want to honor him in every way I can.

We are all advertising with our bodies and our clothing – even those of us who are married!!  And we are all attracting men with various goals, priorities and desires.  Which men do you WANT to attract?  And how can you avoid attracting men who love to wallow in impurity?

If you are looking for a husband, be sure that you dress to attract a man who will desire to love you as Christ loves His church and gave Himself up for her.  All women want a husband who loves them the way Christ loves us.  To find that kind of a special man, it starts with prayer, growing in godliness ourselves, faith in God that we don’t have to force things but can wait patiently on His timing- and it starts with us knowing how to advertise for the right kind of man!

Praying for you to find the man of God’s dreams for you!
www.peacefulwife.wordpress.com

© Peacefulwife for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: attraction, immodesty, marriage, modesty, Single

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There are a lot of great choices of colors and different uplifting messages about your spouse to choose from. I chose the pink short-sleeve junior-fitted shirt that says, “My husband rocks!” I like the script font and love the message!

I really appreciate the length on the shirt – it comes way below the waist far down on the hips so there is no issue for a girl if she were to bend over. And the neckline is perfect for me – a crewneck – so I don’t have any issues with modesty at all with the cut. I like the weight of the material that Union28 uses. It’s not too thin or see-through at all.

The junior-fit is a slimmer fit than the ladies’ cut. I usually wear an XS (0-2) or even a girls’ size 14-16 on top. I was thankful that the site suggested ordering at least a size larger than normal because these shirts do run small. I ordered the 4-6 and was glad that I did. The fit is snug. I think with the junior-fit some people may even want to order 2 sizes larger than normal potentially. So if you would rather not have something so form-fitting, the ladies’ cut may be a better choice for you.

I am happy with the value Union28 gets for the money. The shirt I have is well-made and reasonably priced. I have to give it a big THUMBS UP!

And as part of this review, I get the opportunity to giveaway a $25 gift certificate so you can pick out something of your very own– or for your spouse or someone you know that’s getting married!– all you have to do is enter our giveaway using the widget below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

© Peacefulwife for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: apparel, Giveaway, husband, love, marriage, marriage apparel, shirt, wife

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Of the times that are available from Union28, this is as close to the line that they get as far as modesty. 

The message, great as always.  The location of that message—yeah, that might be a problem because of the other things…

The straps are on the border of being too small, as well as the depth of the shirt.

However, I can definitely see this as something that’s worn in the home in the summer or something like that.

So, it’s not enough for me to say not to buy this shirt, but I would not wear this in public!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2011. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: black, marriage, marriage apparel, tank

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A different take on the whole “He loves me, he loves me not” is this shirt from Union28.

"He loves me, he loves me a lot, he loves me…"  Any way the petals fall, you’re a blessed woman!  This modest "my husband rocks" daisy v-neck will brighten any day!

This shirt is modest, but it’s also a v-neck.  So, depending on the body type you might want to be careful.

The wording is in a decent location, the only thing that drew my eye was the location of the highest flower—but it’s not a big deal.

White?  Daisies might grow in the rain, but not this shirt!

What do you think?

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Post tags: marriage, marriage apparel, t-shirt, white

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Union28 has a way with making husbands and wives feel special—if your spouse will wear the shirt!

In this case, this woman’s proclaiming that she loves her husband like she did when she married him—or that she’d marry him all over again…

The t-shirt covers everything it should, it’s opaque.  It’s a nice color, and the text is fine.

These shirts would work really well as wedding presents, anniversary presents, or for a spouse to surprise the other some day!

I mean, how can you go wrong with both building your marriage and wearing something modest!?

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2011. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: marriage, marriage apparel, t-shirt

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This shirt is interesting, in that it comes in a different style than the shirts that we’ve already reviewed.  This shirt, which proclaims that your husband is your best friend, comes in an opaque and a sheer version.

For this photo, the model is actually wearing a beige camisole (which you can probably see better clicking through the site) so that nothing shows through.

I’m sure that this is a pretty cool style, and I could definitely see an angle where this could be interesting at home, but what do you think about shirts you can see partially through?

As far as the text, it’s perfectly fine to me, though I wonder why there are lips on there, since no guy I know wears lipstick.

Maybe I’ll have to pick up one of these for my wife!

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Post tags: marriage, marriage apparel, t-shirt

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If you’re looking for marriage related t-shirts, Union28 is the place to go.  They have all different kinds of shirts that proclaim your love or admiration for your husband or wife.

Today we’re looking at the I Love My Husband Winged Tee, which features a red shirt with an ornate design on the front.  The shirt itself is modest, in that it seems to be a decent length (regular t-shirt length?), and covers everything without be translucent or too tight.

As for the graphic, it’s not bad in its location, and I find my eyes actually drawn to the neckline wondering if the image is too high, rather than anywhere else.

The text has a psychological effect, as well, of telling men that this gal loves her husband.  Which is always a good thing.

Your thoughts?

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Post tags: marriage, marriage apparel, t-shirt

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From what I can tell, the Junior cut differs in how long the sleeves are and may be a bit more fitted.  The neck hole looks a bit smaller, but it’s hard to tell.

In both cases, the shirt has a really positive message when it comes to marriage, though I think the Ladies’ cut may be a bit more modest.

What do you think?

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Post tags: love, marriage, marriage apparel, t-shirt

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Union 28 has a neat message—not only does it promote modest clothing, but it’s primary mission is to celebrate one’s spouse (or in the case of children, one’s parents) with style.

So, what you’ll find at this site is a lot of tees, pants, and even (gasp!) underwear with the idea of supporting one’s husband and wife visibly.  There are also links for marriage tips that you can read up on to help you marriage!

In the case of this shirt, it might be a little tight on top (look at the left of the shirt on the model’s right arm to see what I’m seeing), but I have no problem with this shirt.  The text isn’t totally on the bust, and like a wedding ring, it’s promoting a current relationship and testifying to how good that is.  That does carry some weight when it comes to the battle of the mind that men go through.

Married ladies, would you wear a shirt that proclaims that “My Husband Rocks”?

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Post tags: marriage, marriage apparel

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It’s funny.  When you first met, you and your husband both dressed to impress.  You brushed your teeth, you put on your favorite scent and you wore clothes and colors the other liked.

And then you got married—and the joke goes that the wedding cake made you put on 10 pounds.  The funny thing is, your first child probably added 15 pounds to him.

As the two of you age, society presses on you to stay thin—him, not so much.

However, you’ve also realized one of the benefits of modest clothing—not as much muscle tone or skin is showing, so you don’t need to worry as much about your figure.

The both of you decide that you no longer need to impress or attract, until that cute guy or girl at work turns your head.

Modesty: Not An Excuse to Let Yourself Go

While it’s true that working on your weight should be something that both of you should work on, with modesty comes the responsibility to continue being the man or woman that your spouse married.  That means that you remain attractive to him, that you seek out ways to please her, and that you continue to build that desire.

No, it’s not that you have to be “in love” all the time, but you should still find one another physically appealing.

Attracting Your Spouse

To help you in this endeavor, we here at Is This Modest? will be exploring the idea of how you can continue to maintain the attraction of your mate in this new series, and if you have any ideas or things you’d like to see covered, feel free to leave them in the comments below.

For those of you that aren’t married, there will be things here for you as well!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2011. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: marriage, weight

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On a la Modest, I talked about Lolita fashion and its roots from the Victorian age. Even taking bustiers into account, you have to admit that fashion back then was much more modest than today. A friend of mine likes to view dressing modestly as a way to feel like royalty–a princess finely dressed. Centuries might have affected fashion trends, but men’s minds have not changed over the years. This is not to say that men alone are evil. They were made to be visual, and women were made to desire love from men. We just have to cater to our nature of being like this in the right way. Immodesty is like junk food. It satisfies you temporarily and is never good for you. Showing skin to attract men (or even to compete with women) might get you the attention you want, but it is almost never love that you end up getting.

As I like to say, “Keep immodesty within the marriage bed!” Married women can get all the fun they want with lingerie as clothes for their husband’s eyes only! Ironically, I only really took the importance of modest fashion to heart when I got married. I’ve never really been happier with the way I carried myself since I started pushing away my insecurities by not wearing clothes that attracted the wrong attention. I realized that I gave away part of myself to other men through the way I dressed, and essentially stole from my husband what he alone should’ve cherished.

To the single women out there, it is best to start now. I understand how hard it is to even attract men in this day and age, where sexually infused fashion is rampant, but it will pay off one day to be with someone who cares deeply about who you are, enough to protect you from himself. When you incite a man to lust, you do not win him. Lust takes over, and it is greedy. Like any type of greed, it wants more. Do not expect that luring a man with lust will keep him faithful to you. Modesty is not really the end-all to lust, but it certainly helps to keep minds pure.

In addition to its benefits to single men and women, dressing modestly can help couples in a small way by not adding to the temptation that husbands and even pastors have everyday to look at other women lustfully. Let’s not be greedy and steal their minds away. Lust really eats up men, and contrary to the momentary pleasures they might get from it, they ultimately do not like its effects. Doing your part says that you love all men and want to help them see the beauty in you through purity and not lust. Purity goes a long way. It’s not really synonymous with chastity. You can be pure and be sexually active in the context of marriage. Most guys deep down want a girl who will give them everything without inhibitions but only to them. If you give yourself to other men by inciting lust in their minds through the way that you dress, then you are not really saving yourself fully for your future husband. The Bible says that if a man looks at or thinks about another woman lustfully, then he is already committing adultery. In your own small way, by dressing modestly, you really are helping to tame lustful thoughts. It shows that you really care, and in turn, most “husband-material” guys will appreciate this a lot.

Dressing “down” gave me many heartaches. It attracted so many of the wrong type of guys. I’m glad that God was sovereign and landed me with an amazing stud who encouraged me to be modest-fashionably forward (even before we got married).

Check out this video by Jason Evert of Pure Love Club:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80FOpC5oKww

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This article was originally from alamodest.com. Do you “Like” this article?  alamodest.com is now on Facebook!

© Rachel @ alamodest.com for Is This Modest?, 2010. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: fashion, husband, love, lust, marriage, modest, modesty, Relationships, romance, Sexuality, Single, style, wife

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The truth is that many of us want to be loved.  We want someone to notice us, to care for us, and as we get closer to the person we love we may feel more free to be more “real” with them.

This may mean that we feel that we can let our guard down, that we don’t have to watch everything we say, and that we may even let them see us in states that we wouldn’t let others see us in.

The truth of the matter is that, if you’re not married, you are not married.

I know, profound.

This is one of the hardest times, I think, to be modest with each other because of the amount of feelings, emotions, and hormones that are running all at the same time.

The thing to remember when you’re in this situation is that it will all be special soon enough.  Before someone is married it seems that you’ll never get married.  When you’re married, you get to the point that you can’t remember when you weren’t—and that is a good thing!

I know it’s hard to fathom, and I know that you’re busy making sure that he finds you attractive, but the thing to keep in mind is how other people see you, and that you are not his until you’re married.

So, make sure to keep it about who you are.  Remember what your convictions are, and that you’ll have a lot of time to be together.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: boyfriend, engaged, girlfriend., marriage

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After a man marries a woman, he no longer struggles with immodesty.  He delights in his wife, and can see all he needs to at any time.  She fulfils his every desire and need, and he needs no other.

I wish, very hard, to say this was true, but it is not, and this is something that we must realize and take into account—especially with all that’s going on in our culture today.

Living Together, Shacking Up, Living In Sin—You get the idea

Part of the problem with today’s culture is that marriage has been extremely devalued—to the point where women are compared to cars that you should test drive and make sure you get the latest model—or one with the least amount of miles on her.

With that has come the whole concept of comparison.  What I mean by that is that whereas in years gone by a man and a woman would only ever have one sexual partner their entire life, now they have multiples—and that’s seen as ok.

This directly relates to modesty, because now every woman is an object, something new and different to find out.

The Wedding

As far as modesty goes, what a strange time a wedding is.  It’s that time where every rule is turned on its head.  The woman intentionally goes out to find something to wear that will entice her husband sexually.  They see each other without clothing—and that’s as far as this family friendly blog writer will go.

They can’t get enough of each other during that week, and for a long time thereafter.

But he’s now seen “everything”—so is he cured?  Probably not.

After The Wedding and Into the Marriage

I will say that it’s not the same after being married as before, and I think there’s a good reason.  I believe that there is a physical reaction to seeing a pretty face/body—it’s a hit, or like a drug, where it feels good.

And because you’re not together all the time, a guy can look toward another girl and see something and feel something.

That’s made ten times worse by marketing and advertisements.  Men are now bombarded with images of girls using facial expressions that indicate a favorable reaction, whereas if they were to meet in person the girl would not give them the time of day.

Bodies are airbrushed to the point that the girl in the picture looks nothing like a real girl—and that just makes his comparisons worse.

If he needed to be careful not to look before marriage, he needs to be careful to only look at her after.  Ladies, here’s where you can help—you were all concerned about what he’d see on your wedding night (you may have tanned, gotten your hair done and lost weight), what is he seeing now?  Yes, be modest outside the house, but inside, draw him in like only you can.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: clothing, marriage, purity, Relationships, The Male Mind, wedding

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As boys and girls become teens and then young ladies and men, there are subtle changes in the way they react to each other.  The physical attraction is still there, and the pressure is still very real, but the relationships that a person goes through and their life experiences can help discipline them or cause them to get on a crash course to certain doom.

Well, perhaps that’s a little melodramatic, but I think you’ll understand what I’m saying in a minute.

A Healthy Desire

God made men and women to desire companionship—and that companionship is on many levels, one of them being physical.

The physical desire is strong in men—and it starts with sight and works its way throughout his being.  He needs female companionship to complete him in all sorts of ways.  He craves it—and that’s part of what feeds his curiosity and his longings to the point of lust.

The desire is healthy, and it’s supposed to reach it’s fulfillment in marriage, but it’s often easy for it to degenerate into lust.

We Weren’t Wired to Wait

Seriously, I know it’s a topic for another time, but the more I read, ponder, and look at marriage historically, the more I’m under the impression that men and women were never meant to wait until their twenties or thirties to marry.  I mean, Adam and Eve were married when they were two days old!

The problem is that there is a lot of pent up sexual desire and no morally acceptable outlet but marriage.  So, the young man struggles with the war going on inside him: wanting, desiring, feels like needing, to have a woman to love—emotionally and physically.

They say that girls can be guilted into sexual relations—I believe that guys can be manipulated as well by the same tactic.  It all depends on who has more discipline in this area.

Discipline

That’s right, self discipline is the key.  The guy exercises it by not being alone with a girl, by making sure to keep his eyes away from things he might be tempted to lust after, and by watching his viewing habits.  He needs to keep his mind focused on other things, or he will find a way to feed that desire and his curiosity.

The godly/modest woman helps him here by not making it easy for him to stumble when looking at her.  It helps him focus on who she is instead of what she is.

Logic would say that all women are equipped pretty much the same as far as having certain body parts.  Except this isn’t logical—men see differences, they compare, and they contrast.

The Gradual Increase of Lust

Lust has a way of growing, it gets fed by an action that requires more.  As a guy sees a part of a girl, it no longer satisfies him—no longer feeds his curiosity or his craving to see that any more.  He must see more.

A guy can lust looking through a J.C. Penny magazine.  He can fill his mind with sex by reading books around the house.

But the modest girl isn’t giving him anything to look at.  She’s not feeding his desire to see more—whereas he might see more with someone else.

So, discipline is key—the guy at this age is looking for a life-long mate, and yet has to be restrained.  Take this with you in your relationships.  If you better understand what he’s thinking and going through you’ll better be able to anticipate where he might have difficulty.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Kids and Teens, marriage, purity, Relationships, Sexual intercourse, Sexuality, The Male Mind

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Weddings are a strange time.  Not only is it a lot of work for one day, the most money you’ll probably spend on yourself for one event, and a moment that will change your life, but it’s also a time when most people shift away from the normal and glimpse another world—as it were.

Weddings are a time of change:

• From singleness to a couple.
• From belonging to yourself to belonging to another.
• From part of one family to part of two.
• From the focus on your passions to a focus on yours.

As part of this change, the girl, for just that day, becomes that princess and the guy, for just that day, becomes that handsome knight.  Reality is bent for just that day as we spend what it takes to enjoy that time together.

And, just for that day, many modest and pure young ladies will show things they would be embarrassed to show any other time because it’s for their new husband.

She wants to be Beautiful

There is nothing more beautiful than a bride on her wedding day.  Her face is bright.  Her makeup just so.  She’s spent money getting her hair done, and she feels like the most valuable person in the world.  The man she loves is about to pledge his enduring love to her, and she wants to be her most beautiful for him.

It’s tradition that the groom does not see the wedding dress before the wedding , and for good purpose.  She wants to see his stunned face when she emerges on their big day.

She wants to be Attractive

There’s good reason that she’s gone to all this trouble—and it’s not simply because she’s looked through one too many bride magazines.  She wants to feel the part of the princess.  She wants her future husband to believe she’s the most beautiful person in the world.  She wants him to want her.  She wants to outshine all those that are there, and prove just why she is the person that he chose to marry.

She wants to be Sexy

She’s remained pure for this moment—or even if she hasn’t, she wants to be thought of this way.  She’s spent money on the wedding night attire, and knows that, in the back of his head he’s thinking about it.  She wants him to think, to wonder, to desire, perhaps even to lust after her.

And it’s a combination of these things that pushes her further than she has gone before in terms of modesty.  It is these things that encourage her to get a dress that will show off her best features—her curves, her figure, her shoulders, her chest.  She’s encouraged to show some, but not too much.  To give him a glimpse of how much she wants him.

If only it were just him and her.

She’s the Focus of Attention

The reality is that many will see the bride, and many may have the same reaction.  Just as she’s trying to get his attention, many will see all the same things.  Sure, it could be looked at as “Look at what he’s getting, don’t you wish you were?” but that’s not the attitude of a woman who’s life has been based on purity and humility.

The woman of purity and humility certainly has some hidden things for her husband, but those things are hidden, while others are left to guess.  The woman of purity knows she’s the focus of attention so she sets the bar high as an example for those to follow.

It is this woman that will be a joy to her husband, a helper, and not a trophy.  This woman is more than simply “woman”.  There are many of those.  She’s special because she’s saved everything for him.  And in the end, that’s what will be more valuable.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dress, marriage, wedding

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