When we asked the readers of Is This Modest this question, they gave us an interesting response:

Why Motivates Christian Young Ladies to be Modest?

• Keep Christian Brothers from Stumbling (82.0%, 28 Votes)
• Focus on the Inside (26.0%, 9 Votes)
• What Would Jesus Wear? (21.0%, 7 Votes)
• Holier than Thou (12.0%, 4 Votes)
• Don’t You Know? They make all their own clothing. (3.0%, 1 Votes)

Why I find this interesting is that the overwhelming answer is not the answer that I would have chosen, and yet I believe that it accurately characterizes why Christian young ladies try to be modest—and I believe it’s the wrong reason.

Have I lost you?

Let me come about this the long way, and see if I can get you to see what I’m saying…

MInTheGap and Worth Waiting For

Some of you know that, after I had finished college and started working that I began to have a passion for reaching young ladies in crisis pregnancies.  So much so that I attended classes so that I could help young women in these circumstances.

The only problem: I’m a man!

So, they figured that the only thing that I could do that would be useful would be to tag along to churches and schools and teach the benefits of purity and virginity.

Except I wasn’t very good at it.  I mean, I’m a good speaker, and I have the passion, but my number one reason for being pure wasn’t “so that my future wife would get all of me” or “so that I’d only share myself with one partner” or even “so I wouldn’t get disease.”  My number one reason was because that’s what God expected of me.

The Weight of the Answers

That’s why, though I expected the results that we received, I was a little saddened by them.  If you are a Christian and you’re dressing modesty simply because you’re worried your Christian brother’s stumbling, I have news for you: They’re going to stumble regardless how hard you try.

If there’s one thing that you should be noticing with a lot of the Quick Reviews and comments lately is that no matter what the outfit looks like, there’s something that some guy can latch onto, and that for some men a burqua is probably the only way to go.

And if that’s the case, if what you’re aiming for with your modesty is to keep Christian brothers from stumbling then you’re going to have to go that route.

However, if you’re focused inwardly, if your attempt to be modest is an effort to please God, if you’re desiring Him above all else, then He is the only one you will be concerned about answering to.  He is the one that you’ll be seeking to please.  You’ll be dressing for Him, not for your Christian brothers.

I’m not saying that you should use this as an opportunity to justify dressing in a bikini “for the Lord”, you should be careful to help your brothers not to stumble.  But that shouldn’t be the end goal.  The end goal should always be the development of the inner woman to the honor and glory of God.

Nothing else matters.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 15 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Christian, Christianity, clothing, God, Virginity

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If you were tasked with introducing Jesus Christ to your school, what would you wear?

That was one of the answers in a recent edition of Children’s Ministry Magazine for the question regarding modesty, and it’s a good one.

You see, believers in Christ have another reason why they should be modest: they are ambassadors for the Creator of the Universe.

Ambassador

You see, whether you’re aware of it or not, people see you and they make first impressions based on how you are dressed, how you carry yourself and what you look like. And some of these things can reflect on what you say about yourself and your faith.

Many of us, if we were going to make a formal introduction of a person to a school or community organization would take the effort to make ourselves presentable. We would try to represent the person whom we were introducing so as to give the person the best possible introduction.

We have the Good News that there is victory over sin and purpose for our existence, but if we do not convey that in what we say and what we look like, will other people know?

Amish

Now, you could take this argument and say “well, why don’t I dress like the Amish—that’s modest and will get attention.” However, the point is not to draw attention to yourself, the point is to get direction focused on your Savior. It’s so that when others see you, they see Christ.

Modest clothing is empowering because it takes the focus off of one’s body and makes it easier to see the person. It takes away the distraction and directs the attention to where it is due.

So, realize your position as Ambassador, and dress appropriately!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Ambassador, Christianity, Good News, Gospel, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Religion and Spirituality

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Frankly, it’s not so much the clothing as it is the attitude and the desire to bend the rules.  The teenage girl that goes out to the store and buys an appropriate length skirt but does not have it in her to be modest will find herself rolling up the waistband once she’s out of sight of her parents.

You see, as we’ve said before, what manner of person you are on the inside reflects on the outside.  Now, modesty and chastity are linked in many ways, and there is a difference.  I like the way Cindy explained it when she quoted C.S. Lewis:

The Christian rule of chastity must not be confused with the social rule of “modesty” (in one sense of that word); i.e., propriety, or decency. The social rule of propriety lays down how much of the human body should be displayed and what subjects can be referred to, and in what words, according to the customs of a certain social circle. Thus, while the rule of chastity is the same for all Christians at all times, the rule of propriety changes. A girl in the Pacific islands wearing hardly any clothes and a Victorian lady completely covered in clothes might both be equally “modest,” proper or decent, according to the standards of their own societies: and both, for all we could tell by their dress, might be equally chaste (or unchaste).

We’re all told to live chaste lives– lives that are pure and holy before God.  We’re also under obligation not to attract attention to our bodies.  The exhortations of 1 Peter would seem foolish if the context of the times were taken out of them.  For example, the braiding of hair, wearing of gold, or putting on of fine apparel can easily be linked to those women who had a less than virtuous profession.  Peter’s not arguing here that you should not take care of yourself, but that your inside is more important than your outside.

And that’s exactly the point.  We should be people (women AND men) that are chaste people, a people concerned about the inner man more so than we are the outer.

In my mind, modesty and chastity are in a threefold band with humility.  All three travel together and they all influence each other.  Humility does not seek to exalt itself.  It will evidence itself by modest clothing and modest speech.  Chastity will see out purity, and so will try to hold itself to a higher standard– which will also result in clean living and modest attire.

Because it’s more than modest clothes– I mean, if you read that survey you’ll see that it’s not just clothing!  It’s movement, how you sit, how you walk, how you bend over, when you stretch, how you step over something and how you run!  It almost would seem that you could do absolutely nothing without possibly causing a brother to stumble!

Which is precisely why I think that the emphasis needs to be on the heart.  The heart attitude to seek after God.  The heart to do the best that you can to help your brother.  The heart that desires to edify one another.  And it also means that you have a heart that does not look for opportunities to lust.  A heart that remains focused on things above.  It really does go both ways.

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Post tags: Christian, Christianity, clothing, modesty, Shopping

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It’s inevitable.  Whenever a conversation is started and modesty is brought up– especially if women are told to cover up– some lady will say something like “It’s not my problem if he is lusting after me.  After all, I can’t control his mind!”

However, we must keep in mind that we’re not only responsible for ourselves, we’re responsible for others.  I mean, central to the whole Christian theme is Christ’s command to love one another.  How can we love one another if we are not concerned with how what we do effects other people?  And if Christ can say that looking on a woman to lust is sin, and we don’t want our brothers to sin, then we should do our part to prevent the opportunity to sin– and I think that’s the key.

Three other passages talk to us about the duty we have to our brothers and sisters:

Cain and Able

Genesis 4:9 – And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?

Cain was caught red handed.  He had just killed his brother because God preferred the offering that obeyed His commands rather than just bringing the best of whatever was available.  So, the first murderer tries to shirk his responsibility by saying that it wasn’t “my turn to watch him” and hoping to absolve himself from the responsibility.

The only problem was that God knew what had happened, and he also knew that Cain should have been concerned about his brother.  So, the answer to the question is yes, Cain.  You are.  You were the oldest.  You also knew about his offering, so you were aware of him and responsible for those things that you were aware of.

Stronger and Weaker Brother

Romans 14:15 – But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.

Paul is in the middle of a brilliant discourse on freedom in Christ.  He it talking to the Romans about how, under Christ, we are at liberty not to be under the ceremonial law, how we can eat meat that has been offered to idols, and how we don’t have reverence certain days– but there is a catch.  We must do everything to the glory of God.  So, if we can’t eat that meat and give glory to God, then we should not eat it to the glory of God.  Get it?

What’s important in this passage, though, is the dynamic between those that believe that they can eat meat and those that do not.  It would be the same as some of the more modern dilemmas– should Christians go to movie theaters?  Should they go to the video store?  Should they own a television?  I can find people that believe all of these are scriptural principles and believe that they are glorifying God by their abstinence.  But what should we do if we are less strict?

Paul says that we should not put a stumbling block in front of our brother.  So, in other words, if my brother believes that he shouldn’t go to a movie theater, I shouldn’t take his wife and him out to dinner, and then drive over to the theater with purchased tickets and try to talk him into going inside.  That doesn’t mean that I should forsake everything because someone might have a problem with it, but it does mean that I should be paying attention to the standards and principles that people have and make sure that I do not intentionally present them with opportunities to violate their conscience.

And for those that are weaker, they should not judge the stronger for those things that fall outside of the clear boundaries of Scripture.

Bear One Another’s Burdens

Galatians 6:2 – Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Simply, how can we bear one another’s burdens if we do not know what they are?  If we’re not involved in someone’s life, how can we fulfill this command?

So, How Does This Apply?

Simply put, ladies, it is your problem because you are to be concerned about what is going through the mind of the Christian brothers that are around you.  However, men, don’t think you’re getting off easy.  You see, we are also responsible for what we see, and how we look at the ladies around us.

We’ve been teaching my children the song “Oh Be Careful” and as you know, the first verse is talking about your eyes.  Men, in a highly sexualized culture, we must be careful about what we look at.  We need to make sure that what we allow ourselves to look at is something we should be looking at.  You see, the more we see, the more desensitized we become to those that are around us.  And the world definitely wants us to see the “ideal” look rather than the “real” look.

By constantly letting ourselves look at women’s bodies we are programming our mind to accept that– and to let our mind memorize or even visualize things we should not.  Our Christian sisters can only do so much to help us guard against temptation.  It is up to us as men to train ourselves to look away, to avoid places of temptation, and to encourage the women that we have influence in their lives to dress in a manner fitting the child of the King.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Book of Genesis, Cain, Cain and Abel, Christ, Christian, Christianity, God, Religion and Spirituality

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A generation ago it was common that Sunday was the day that you put on your “Sunday Best.”  Your common clothes would not do, and you had to be just so.

Today, “just as I am” is more than a song of invitation, it’s extent of the thought that some put into what they’ll wear.  Even those that preach the Word are finding how much they can get away with not dressing in a shirt and tie.

Sometime in the past generation, the emphasis was placed on the love of God and, I believe, in attempt to appeal to more people the church decided it had to make church appeal to the masses.

Now, it’s gotten to the point that some believe that those that would dress up—wear a skirt or a tie—are legalistic.

Just like some can view those that choose to be modest as legalistic (and some are, don’t get me wrong), most of the time it comes from a heart that desires to please God rather than a desire to submit to a series of rules.

Why I Dress Up

You see, if I were just going to a social club I’d have no problem going casual.  When I go to work, I am asked to dress business casual.  If I were to go visit the President of the United States, I’d wear a suit.  So, why is it ok for me to go to a house of worship to worship the King of Kings dressed in the same clothes I would wear to do housework?

If the whole point of going to church is to worship God, how we dress should reflect it.  In times past people had to bring their best sacrifice to the temple.  They had to bring their best clothing to the temple.  They feared God.

I understand that God loves us as we are.  I understand that I can pray and worship God wherever I am and whatever I’m dressed in.  However, this hasn’t changed from the Old Testament. God has always been there, and yet when people are joining together for the express purpose of worship, why should they decide to dress down for it?

I dress up because I always have—it’s a way I show respect for the Lord—and because it helps to keep my mind focus on things above.  How about you?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 13 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Christianity, church, clothing, dress, jeans, Old Testament, sneakers, suit, t-shirt, tie

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• They love the way you look, and would love to show you off.
• They don’t want other men to look at you “that way” because they will get jealous– and they might fear they will lose you.

Knowing this in the background, one can then understand why a husband would love to have you dress in a sexy manner when you’re out in public.  He loves the attention that he gets because he knows that if people want you, they will be jealous of him.

What they don’t understand is what doing this turns you into… an object, rather than a wife.

Trophy Wives

Some women are called “trophy wives” for that very reason– the husband values his wife’s looks for more than just the fact that he can enjoy them.  He wants others to know that he was able to get a knock out because it makes him look powerful, in charge, or sexy.

It’s funny, because there are many men that have none of those things, but have attractive wives– and many ebooks that will let you know how you too can do it, for only 3 easy payments of $19.99.

Men like to be associated to attractive women– in part because of the way they look, and in part because of what society has turned “woman” into.

Objectification

You see, the culture has told women that she’s free, but in the same breath they have enslaved her.  They have made someone that she should trust with all of her heart– her husband– into someone that sees her partly as what she is, rather than who she is.

The message is broadcast loud and clear through commercials– that the woman that wears the best makeup, uses the right shampoo, has the right swimsuit, drinks the right beer, and has the right shape is the one that everyone likes.  They pick the women with the most sex appeal to even be extras in television shows and movies, continuing to hammer home the fact that it is all about looks, while at the same time saying it’s not.

Lust

It all boils down to lust.  Our society is using a sin to sell things.  It sells expectations to men and it sells products to hopefully meet those expectations to women.  Unfortunately, all too often the product rarely fits the bill.

Men love to see women dressed sexy because it appeals to them physically.  And the husband has every right to want to desire and even lust after his wife– but causing others to lust after her is wrong.  Just as the woman that seeks to dress modestly so as to keep men from lusting after her, so a husband should not ask of his wife that she dress to attract him and others around for the same reason.

He should know better than that.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 54 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Christianity, clothing, husband, lust, modesty, sexy

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There are many events in a person’s life that they will never forget.  Times where they want to look their best.  Times when they want pictures and the memories to last forever.  It is at these times that we think most about what we wear.  We spend days searching through catalogues trying to find the perfect dress.  We spend money on a suit that we’ll only wear for a short time.  We make sure our teeth are cleaned, our hair just so, and our nails polished.  Well, if we’re a girl.

When it comes to weddings, the prom or formal, the graduation, the special dinner out, the anniversary dinner– we actually stop to think and consider what we are wearing and what effect it will have.  The problem is that we should be paying attention to what we wear every day– not just on these special occasions.

We Cannot Effect How Our Clothing Impacts Others

There is an inherent problem with a conversation about modesty: Clothing effects people in different ways depending on the culture, sex, and sensitivity.

Times change, and the culture changes with it.  It would have been common in the Old Testament period for men to wear skirts, and long flowing robes.  Even as early as the Middle Ages we see men in what would look like skirts with different colored leggings!  Times have changed to have men now wear pants and ladies skirts– just look at the non-written indicators for restrooms– but that is not to say we should just make decisions purely based on culture.

Whether you are a man or a woman has a lot to do with how clothing effects you.  For a man, clothing can appeal to base emotions or cause a physical reaction.  A woman can be repulsed by what she sees, but generally doesn’t struggle with a physical reaction to the degree that a man does.

And sensitivity is one of the key factors here.  If you check out the Modesty Survey besides finding some really interesting answers to questions you will see a common theme repeated.  That even in the questions where an overwhelming majority find something modest, there will be a group that disagrees.  Now this can partly be explained by the fact that answering a dry question versus seeing an article of clothing on a person can be two different things, but I think that it is also the case that each person has their own sense of what is modest and some may be more conservative that others.

Another thing to consider is what you read in many of the comments—that some things can be modest or immodest depending on the situation or the way that it is worn.  Part of the inspiration for this site is so that people can see different items on people and see what we’re saying, rather than just reading.

My point is that we can dress in such a way that some think is modest, and yet still fail to be modest by someone else’s standard.  Ladies can dress in long flowing dresses and wear a veil or head covering, and men may still fantasize about them.  We have no control over what others do in their minds.  We do have some control of how much we give them to look at, and whether we encourage the glances, but that cannot be our only reason to dress modest.

Inside a Reflection of the Outside

Modesty must first come from within a person.  It springs from a heart of humility– one that desires someone else or something else be elevated.  It’s a heart that yearns for attention not on self, but on something or someone else.

Take a quick look around the Internet or mall and you’ll see why modesty is such a big problem.  Humans are born with a desire for attention.  From the smallest baby to the oldest adult we want people to notice us– and for a majority of the people that we come in contact with they will only see how we look.  And there is much attention showered on those that will show, that will tease, that will display their bodies.

But there is also freedom in modesty.  A freedom that states that who you are as a person is not judged by what you look like, but for who you are.  It’s more about how you think than how you can put on makeup.  It’s more about your passion than displaying body parts.

That’s what Peter, in the New Testament of the Bible, is talking about when he says:

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of [braiding] the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

A. W. Tozer (a great preacher of the last century) has something great to say about this passage in his book I Call It Heresy where he states:

[T]he teaching is plain: don’t let your apparel be your true attractiveness.  Don’t try to substitute gold jewelry for the true beauty of the being!

Peter and Tozer are both saying the same thing– you should be more interested in your character– on your inner man/woman– than you are in your clothing and what you look like.  For some of us, that would take some doing.

So, Then How do I dress?

The point is not that we should dress in sack-cloth and ashes, but that our dress should not be the thing that draws our attention as much as it is a reflection of who we are on the inside.  We should not neglect showering or wear smelly clothes because “it’s the inside that counts,” but the point is also not to seek to draw attention because we’re baring our navel, wearing expensive clothes, or showing off our muscles/cleavage.

Tozer sums it up in four words: “clean, neat, modest, appropriate.”

We’re not to dress to draw attention to our form, to our looks, or toward the outward appearance.  We can’t control what others will think of what we wear, but we can control what we show them.  And we should attempt to be modest and show our inner person, not our outer.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Bible, Christianity, clothing, dress, Middle Ages, New Testament, Old Testament, Tozer

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Please note, this carnival uses Blog Carnival for the source of blog posts—please feel free to submit any post you have on the topic!  However, if your post doesn’t fit in with this site (as almost all of them did not this time around), it will not be included in the carnival.

Also, the carnival organizer may add blog posts that fit the topic, as I’ll do today.

Without further ado, here’s today’s carnival:

What is Modest

Andrew Q presents Quit Playing Games posted at Baha’i Perspectives.

Sensuality vs. Biblical Beauty-Paul Washer

Modesty: where did it go?

Why Dress Modestly?

Gwen Mangelson presents Paper Expressions: PROM PHOTO, And Today’s Topic! posted at Paper Expressions.

Importance of Being Modest

And that will rap it up for today’s carnival.  Be sure to get some posts in for the next carnival—the due date is January 31, 2009, and the post will be February 2nd!

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Post tags: Blog Carnival, Christianity, modesty, Religion and Spirituality, Shopping

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