I’m sure there are many wives out there that believed, before they were married, that the only way they could get a man was to look “hot”.  Why else would you have young ladies going to great lengths to get or keep in shape, to be able to show off their bodies, and look at magazines thinking about proms, formals, and their wedding gowns.

The point being that I believe many women believe a lot of their worth is derived from their ability to look attractive to their husband.

But that’s just simply not true.

The truth is that an excellent wife is worth far more than her beauty—and beauty grows with age, love and your relationship—if you were to look purely at the things that she brings to the table when it comes to how she helps him and his job, I think you’d be surprised.

A Good Husband reflects on this, with 6 ways a wife helps a husband’s career:

1. Fashion Consultant – She wants you to look good and is a good judge of color.
2. Homemaker – Your house is a home and a place of refuge from the storm.
3. Power Broker – Women have networks of people, and can help her man get the right job.
4. Socialite – Women are naturally more social than men, and give good impressions to future bosses, etc.
5. Cheerleader – She is the one whose opinions matter the most—he will work hard for her approval, and will be crushed at her disappointment.
6. Confidant – They hear the the man’s emotions and can help strengthen and guide him by keeping him grounded and focused.

Now, perhaps you’re saying “I’m not any of these!”  but the truth is you’re probably more than one if not all.

Take the time to realize your power, and use it to further you both.  You’ll be glad you did!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, cheerleader, confidant, fashion, homemaker, lieswivesbelieve, looks, power, socialite, trophy, wife

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We need to claim back what is considered sexy. Strong confident women who know their own worth. Clothes that accentuate our curves and individual beauty without showing all we have. Sexy is an attitude….I think its time to make it classy again!

[Modesty-has it become extinct?]

Do we really want to reclaim sexy?  I mean, I believe I understand what she’s saying—she wants “sexy” to mean classy and internally beauty, but I don’t think that sexy ever meant that.

Google thinks that sexy is defined as:

1. Sexually attractive or exciting
2. Sexually aroused.

Neither of these are really what one thinks of when they think “modest.”  If you read through Yahoo! Answer on the topic of men defining sexy you’ll see that looks are always a factor.

So, what say you?  Should we attempt to reclaim or repurpose the word?

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 12 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: attitude, beauty, Classy, modesty, sexy

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Leslie challenges not only the image of the “normal” young lady, but also prompts thought into the motives behind actions, or the reasons for looking a certain way. Leslie shares personal stories and experiences to illustrate her message, and is quick to share her mistakes as guidance for younger women today.

To learn the most about modesty and to reflect on the contents within the book will require time, and will not be a quick read. Along with Leslie’s thoughts of what a beautiful young woman is her husband, Eric.  He enlightens readers about how a young woman helps shape a young man, and how that same young woman can influence a young man to become the man she dreams of meeting someday. Eric provides some insight into a male mind, and the thoughts that assault a young man’s brain when women dress or behave immodestly.

Some readers may find Leslie a little extreme, but the book is an enjoyable and challenging read. Most young women could benefit from reading this book and putting into practice some of the principles shared through Leslie’s growing up years and mistakes while striving to find Authentic Beauty.

© Becky for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: authentic, beauty, book, set-apart

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Welcome to the Carnival of Modesty for December 25th 2010:

• A Healthy Relationship and How to Have One « Ruby-Eyed Okapi – I want to paint a picture of what a healthy relationship is. The truth is you’ll never find any person who is going to fulfill all your desires. Do you want someone who is going to be themselves or a trained monkey who bows to your every command? Is that really what a good relationship is to you?
• Keeping Up with Kristi: Sakura Rose…Kristi’s Fashion Sense – Last April, when I went to the Home School Conference in preparation for Julia and Mark, I came across a Christian clothing line that gears their modest clothing and jewlery[sic] to women of faith. I really enjoy fashion and so even though all of my attention was supposed to be on books and materials I couldn’t help but stop by their booth and pick up their card. Sakura Rose.
• Modesty is Next to Beauty: Winter is Here.–Update. – Looks like someone else is doing Modesty Awards: “Our 2010 Modesty Awards. (We are still taking nominations, so if you have a blog email me!)”
• Leaving Something to the Imagination: Modest Clothing Comes Back into Style – Modest clothing can be beautiful and in fashion. To dress in modest clothing does not mean a woman or a teenage girl has to dress like her ancestors. There was a time, a few decades ago, when one of the only ways to dress modestly was to skimp on style. That is no longer the case today, with more and more women in the work field and especially in executive positions, the demand for professional and modest clothing is at a constant increase. Women who wish to be respected in the work place have found it necessary to dress more modestly. Most people will say they look at a woman in a whole different light when she is dressed modestly. Standing before a board of directors or being the CEO of a major company calls for nothing less than a modest, yet chic and sharp, wardrobe. Ask most men about modest clothing and their views are that they actually prefer a woman to be modestly dressed. As some men might say, it leaves more to the imagination.
• Modesty in Fall fashions – Due to the sexual liberation movement of the 1960s and 1970s, women have not only become more open with their sexual practices, but also with their bodies, using them as a tool rather than as a gift. In this day and age, modesty has been banished to the rhetoric of our grandmothers as something old-fashioned and out-of-date with the current feminine perspective — that is, to be an empowered and independent woman in the 21st century is to take control of your body in a way that maximizes your sexual prowess.
• photographydotmom: Clothing Shoot – From a modest clothing shoot we were asked to do.
• American Culture Supports Breasts, but Not Breastfeeding – Associated Content from Yahoo! – associatedcontent.com – If you’re an American breastfeeding mother, you may have wondered why it’s not only okay, but encouraged, to show your womanly curves and cleavage…except when you’re breastfeeding.  We live in a culture where a breastfeeding mother is chased out of Victoria’s Secret, a bra store.
• Modest Holiday Dresses by Dainty Jewells – MoMoMod – Charity’s modest dresses are perfect for the modest lady that plans on attending any formal holiday gathering, or who simply enjoys dressing up. If you’re a Pentecostal Apostolic like I am, then you know that Pentecostal women do not need a “reason” to dress up. However, Charity’s holiday dresses offer the perfect amount of lady like embellishment, class, and holiday tribute to make any feel giddy about the upcoming and current festive season.
• Beach Real Estate – Shouldn’t Christians be modest in their clothing? – Mу radical thinking wһеח meditating οח tһіѕ later: Wһу ѕһουƖԁ women’s clothing bе аחу lower сυt tһаח men’s clothing? Casual men’s T-shirts аrе חοt low сυt. Tһіחk οf уουr typical rock аחԁ roll band T-shirt wіtһ (ѕау) “Black Sabbath” οr “Van Halen” emblazoned οח іt. Sο tһе ԁіffеrеחсе іח һοw men аחԁ women dress isn’t merely аbουt comfort іח hot climates merely. Men һаνе less tһеу need tο cover up tһаח women, bυt ironically cover tһеіr upper bodies better. Women’s clothing аƖѕο dysfunctional: One οf mу jobs аt work іѕ tο adjust thermostats up аחԁ down аѕ needed аftеr people complain. Here’s mу general observation: At tһе same temperature wһеrе tһе men аrе comfortable, women аrе сοƖԁ. Tһеח wһеח tһе men аrе hot, tһе women аrе comfortable. Two possible causes: Men’s metabolism іѕ fаѕtеr tһаח women’s. Bυt women аƖѕο wear less: Men wear suits аt church services bυt women οftеח wear skirts аחԁ blouses. Therefore, much οf women’s clothing іѕ חοt merely immodest, іt’s аƖѕο dysfunctional!
• Pornography the Forgotten Vice | Randy Pope – The growing interest in the “women’s revolution for modest dress” is a front line battle against immodesty in American culture. It is no giant leap to connect this revolution with an attempt to revitalize the greater battle against the blatant immodesty of pornography. If you are interested in lifting the standards of modest dress you will certainly have a desire to help end the debauchery.
• Who Is Planting Your Garden? by Dr. Marlene McMillan – Think of a rebellious teenage girl who wears dark mascara, heavy make-up, and immodest clothing. The way she dresses is not the real problem. Her mother can lecture, and make her put on better clothing, but that will not change the internal factors that made her dress immodestly in the first place. The real problem is a heart issue: lack of self-esteem. Internal ideas have external ramifications.
• Florid – Wearing the latest clothes and being in style is a priority to many people. In this ‘got to be in style’ world, many forget we are who we are. We should be proud of ourselves in the sense there is no one like us. When there are young women and women a like whose shirts and shorts just seem to be getting lower and shorter by the year, it makes it hard to dress modestly. Those who fail to copy the latest style are prone to peer-pressure. Let me welcome you to our society’s way of thinking as well as a Christian viewpoint.

If you’d like to get in next week, just contact us through the Contact Form and give us a link to your article. Carnivals are posted every Saturday!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2010. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, Breastfeeding, Christian, Clothing Shoot, dresses, fall, Garden, Pornography, Relationship, style, winter

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darrah-084

Originally uploaded by Michelle – Central Fl Photographer/Designer

Is This Modest?

MInTheGap: It’s true that wearing something off the shoulder does show more skin, but it’s also more feminine. I’m going mostly modest here.

Foy: Move the shoulder up an inch, and its very modest. Clothes that “slope” off induce the mind to wonder how much else will fall.

Your Turn…

[ratings]

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, Flickr, Shoulder, skin

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Women want it both ways.  They want to look good.  They want attention.  They just don’t want attention from certain people!

The prime example is the bride.  She goes all out for her wedding day:

• She may spend weeks on a diet or working out to get in shape.
• She may visit a beach or go tanning.
• She may buy a dress with a corset built in, and cinch it up to augment her figure.
• She will get her hair done in ways that she never had before (and may never have since).
• She may choose a dress that will show more of her body than she’d normally feel comfortable sharing.

Why does she do all this?

The Motivation of the Bride

She’s getting herself beautiful with a single focus—and an audience of one: her future husband.  She’s consumed with looking her best for him.  She wants him to think that she is the most beautiful one in the world.  She wants him to want her.  And this is a great desire, don’t get me wrong.

A bride does not think “I really want that guy that didn’t shave and smells like he hasn’t showered in days that’s sitting in the back row of the wedding to lust after her.  She’s not caring what anyone but what her husband thinks.

The problem is, you can’t control who sees you.

Just Don’t Look

Some women would say, “It’s not my problem, I’m not dressing for you, I’m dressing for him.  Just don’t look at me.”

But if you’re reading this you know how hard it is to follow direction!  The fact is that it is human nature to look.  It’s human nature to do that which they shouldn’t.  The question is, will you be an enabler or not.

And while it’s bad when we know we shouldn’t look, it’s worse when we’re told not to look—because our rebellious “who is he to tell me what to do” nature kicks in and wants to do it just because we don’t want people to believe they can boss us around.

What’s Your Motivation?

When you get dressed in the morning, who are you dressing for?  The better question, do you know who else might see you?

You’re in PJs and the postman has a package that you have to go to the door for.  You wore something for your husband, and he wants to go right out for dinner.  You decided to go to the mall dressed with something a little flirty, not realizing that it’s not just the boy that you’re dating that will think you look great—it’s the sleezy guy sitting in the corner of the restaurant you’re visiting.

Modesty gives you the ability to not have to concern yourself about who sees you or might see you.  It means that you can dress to show off who you are, and not what you are.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, dress, look, Tanning, Tanning bed, wedding

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As a rule of thumb, girls have long hair, boys have short.  Of course there are exceptions to this rule—and they’re usually embarrassing exceptions (for us, not them).  But what about “really long” hair?

That’s the question we’re attempting to answer today.

Can really long hair (like below mid-back) be a stumbling-block?

Personally, every time I’ve seen really long hair, like the one in the picture above, the only thoughts going through my head are “Man, that must take a lot of time!”  Time to have grown that long.  Time to clean in the morning.

My secondary thought is “does she occasionally sit on it?”  “What if it gets caught in something?”  So I don’t know that I’ve actually considered long hair to be something that would cause me to stumble.

Don’t get me wrong, I like long hair, and a lay that has attractive hair is something that is pleasant to the eye, and there may be guys that have trouble with this (I mean, there are some guys that are attracted to ankles!?), but I’m not one of them.  My reaction is more curiosity than attraction.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | 19 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, hair, Hairstyle, long hair, Types

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I know that this will not make me popular with the fashion and beauty industry, but beauty is more than the plaster you apply to your face or the clothing you wear.  This is the great lie.

True beauty is found deeper than that.  It comes from the person themselves, rather than what’s placed on the outside.

By plucking her petals, you do not gather the beauty of the flower.
- Rabindrath Tagore

Simply put, you can buy all sorts of products, and wear all sorts of fancy materials, but this will not change whether or not you are beautiful.

The beauty is intrinsic to who you are, and you cannot hide it.  You can try to cover who you are, but you cannot do so forever.

Just as there are many that the world considers beautiful, and the tabloids have fun showing them without their makeup, we are beautiful based on who we are, not what we look like.  How many times have we read about what someone has said, or seen what someone has done and we shake our heads?

Even so, we should work on keeping our inner selves pure.  We should strive to look in ways that accent who we are.  Inside needs to come first.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, nature

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What is the most beautiful about a person?  What is it that you see in a person close to you that makes them the most attractive?

Could it be said that the most beautiful thing about someone is the love that they have for you?

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
- Kahlil Gibran

You see, as you grow in your love for another person, you naturally display this on your countenance.  This love is the most beautiful thing that can be seen—it’s something that cannot be mimicked, and your loved one will not get elsewhere.  It cannot be photoshopped in.

So it’s important that you cultivate your love, and that, in turn, will grow your beauty in the eyes of the one of whom it really matters.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, burn, heart

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What’s amazing about beauty is that it usually takes a long time to actually find someone that is truly beautiful, but all too often we think we’ve found them at first glance.

Whole industries are created around providing just the right eyeliner, the right blush, the age-defying makeup, and the right clothes when true beauty is actually cultivated over a long period of time, and it’s something that is inside, not outside.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson is right in this, that the beauty that is worth it—the beauty that will last—is not found in a pretty face or figure, but found in a pure heart.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty

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For many, beauty is something that is entirely superficial.  It’s something that we can see, judge, and something that will one-day fade.

Beauty is something that attracts us, it’s something that man pursue, and yet true beauty comes not from the outside, but from the inside.  It’s not something we see directly, it’s something that is much deeper.

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller

What I believe that Keller is reminding us with this quote is that there are things inherently beautiful that can only be felt with the heart.  Joy comes from the inside, not from looking at the outside.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, heart

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We’ve spent a lot of time here at Is This Modest? talking about modesty as it refers to the outer person—how we should dress and what modesty looks like.

But the truth is that modesty doesn’t start with a list of rules, but it starts with an attitude.  It comes from the heart.  Otherwise, you might as well go buy a style guide as to try to be modest.

So, for the next few posts I’d like to focus on some Quotes and Sayings as they relate to beauty and modesty and encourage us that our goal is not to be rule followers, but people who are pure inside and out.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2008. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, inside

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