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I'm new to this.. and trying to change
July 24, 2009
12:43 pm
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Hi everyone. I'm Lauren. I'm a good Catholic girl. I have strong morals and values. I have very conservative views and am so traditional. I do try to live as God wants me to. I am saving myself for marriage for example. My wardrobe is the one thing that does not reflect any of this or who i am. I'm a very fit young woman and my clothing consists of tight jeans, mini skirts, short shorts, low cut tops, fitted tops, little cocktail dresses. The men I have dated have always encouraged me to dress this way. They have enjoyed the fact that other men look at me and wish they were the man i was with. So I've continued to dress this way. I figured it doesn't matter how I dress because I know what a good person and I am and God knows the kind of woman I am, and that was all that mattered.

So why am I on this site now?? I met a man in a religious group that I get a long with so well. We agree on everything and both want a very traditional kind of household in the future. The one disagreement we had was women's clothing. He explained that my clothing should reflect my views and show people the kind of person that I am. He said my body is not for other men to see but for my future husband. After debating with him on this a bit he made clear that he could never be with a woman that didn't dress modestly. This was so shocking to me. I've never had a man say something like that to me. I did some praying about it and a lot of thinking. I decided that I am going to try to dress like a modest woman. My mother is very much like me and was confused as to why I wanted to cover up. She told me that I had a great body right now and I may not when I'm older so I should flaunt it. She certainly doesnt want me to dress trashy but it fine with a mini skirt or lowcut top.

I am determined to try and dress modestly. I found this website which really helped me with some confusion. I couldn't figure out the line between modest and immodest. I was really needing help. This site answers exactly that! I am so thankful that it exists. I have been shopping to three different malls probably 6+ times in the past couple weeks. It was really difficult because I kept going back to the fitted tops and cute shorts. I felt like I was looking at old womens clothing when I found what was "modest". Basically I do have some things now that are very modest, a couple long skirts knee length skirts (i cant believe how long they are!), shirts that cover everything and are not tight, camisoles for extra coverage, a pair of jeans that isn't clinging to my skin at all, a couple sweaters.  I am trying!!! It feels weird to wear them in my bedroom and look in the mirror. I'm nervous to actually go out like this though.. I don't know how people will look at me. Most men these days don't seem to be attracted to modest women. It's amazing I found one that is. And I'm excited for him to see me dressed like this. My girlfriends would not understand though and if i go out with any of these modest articles of clothing I'll look completely odd from them. I just don't know how to be confident while dressed like this. If I can't show my shape I feel unattractive.

So thank you everyone for reading this. Any advice I would definitely appreciate!! I am trying really hard to make this change to modesty and what I wear is the last change I need to make. Any comments or advice?? Thanks!

Lauren

July 28, 2009
7:21 pm
HannahL
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May 8, 2009
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Wow, Lauren–I'm so excited for you! Since I've been a naturally modest, non-attention-seeker ever since I was a really little girl, I really don't have advice in the way of, "I've been in your position too!" But I do want to assure you that being modest does NOT mean wearing frumpy, ugly clothes, it does NOT mean that you can't have clothes that compliment your shape, and it DOES mean that the men you will attract will be the kind of men who like you for who you ARE, not what you look like (which will change over time anyways). I believe that God has a man out there for you, and so you can trust Him to bring you together in His time.

I really hope you figure this out!!!

God bless,

Hannah

August 2, 2009
9:24 am
Anna09
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February 18, 2009
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Hi Lauren!

First off, I am glad you have made the decision to be modest. That is a sign you are in the world, but not of the world. As such, Satan will try to make it difficult for you, because he wants to cause men to lust after you- cause sin. Being modest is a great help to NOT cause men to sin by lusting after you. Like Hannah said, you will attract men who like you for who you are, not just for your looks. And because you are modest, you stand out from the crowd. I'm happy for you!

Second, from experience, I realize it is hard to change to more modest clothing. Once you get in the habit of wearing certain clothing, it will feel more natural. I have gotten so used to wearing modest clothing that if I choose to wear something that is slightly immodest, I get really uncomfortable! I think that is God reminding me that it is not worth it to be immodest.

Third, congratulations on meeting a Godly man who wants to help you out! He sounds like a keeper. :)

-Anna09

August 5, 2009
12:23 pm
Guest

Thank you girls for the responses! You both are very helpful and sweet. Here is my latest update:

I have done more shopping for modest clothing. While I can't seem to permanently get rid of my other clothes, I have not been wearing them and just leave them in my closet. Sometimes I look at them but I am really making an effort to only wear modest clothes lately. This guy that I mentioned in the first email, he said he would never be with a woman that doesn't always dress modestly. He seems to be understanding on many topics but when i told him how it is hard to not wear the mini skirts and tanktops and to cover up, he seemed to be frustrated. He doesn't understand why it's difficult for me. I tried to explain that for 20 years i've always dressed that way and I was never taught there was anything wrong with it, so while I am REALLY trying to get used to dressing modestly, it is not easy and I do get embarrassed. I don't know what my friends will think twhen they see me, they all dress immodestly and they will think it's a joke or something. It's strange to go out now dressed as a modest girl and have men not look at me! It's never happened before. It makes me feel like i'm unattractive or something.

August 5, 2009
10:18 pm
Anna09
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February 18, 2009
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You are NOT unattractive- God has made you special and beautiful, and I KNOW that the man you speak of thinks you are absolutely gorgeous.

Stand strong in your beliefs. Indeed it will take time to get used to a completely different way of living your life, but it is worth it. If your friends ask about it, you can explain to them, and maybe they will join you in being modest. If they don't, and simply judge you, maybe it is time for a new set of friends.

God bless. :)

August 9, 2009
12:39 pm
z.zakiah
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January 29, 2009
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Hey girl, don’t get discourage and in the beginng just ignore the guy, when he gets frustated he is not a girl and maybe he hasn’t any clue what he is rumbeling about.
Use what you’ve got in your wardrobe, if you got a nice camisole you can wear it underneath something. Just layering can make a big difference. Many won’t agree on this and it’s not what I would wear either, but in the beginning wear your miniskirts over pants or leggings till you feel comfortable in longer skirts or pants. Work things out in your head, what could look okay, so when you are in a hurry it’s easier to have something modest worked out.:)
And if possible get a girlfriend on your side, together it’s just more fun. I’ m still missing a girlfriend I can get some help of or advice.
Don’t take everything that is written about modesty here or anywhere for the absolute truth, you have to find (through the bible) what’s right for you.
Don’t force yourself, just let the Holy Spirit, the Bible change your heart & your motives, go to your bible for comfort and wrap yourself in His love. Do it for God & yourself not for this one guy or anyone else.
After a while they will see the changes and the beauty of your heart.
(Try to)Enjoy the progress.
Like sombodyelse said before me, you are never unattractive and yes! you can show your shape, it’s more about your “personal parts” and some skin and your heart:).
How to eat a elephant? One Bite at a Time.
So don’t get discourage, You can do it girl!

Are you in America, check out Christa Taylor website, she has got really nice modest “attractive” (if I’ allowed to say that:))dresses, skirts, tops…I wouldn’t shop on purpose, if you see something nice & modest go for it, I think you wil have more luck and joy:) and check out the blog of Kristin: http://thefaithfulfashionista

Sorry, I'm not english, so please excuse my grammatic & and any mistakes. Thanks. If something is totally out of sense or wrong I would appreciate any "correction":-)
August 23, 2009
9:22 pm
TanyaBeth S
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Forum Posts: 7
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August 22, 2009
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Lauren, I am so excited for you! You have made a huge decision that I know pleased the Lord. He is smiling on you for sure!

But that doesn't help you feel more attractive, does it? I know, I've struggled with not feeling very attractive either. Then, I came across some GREAT encouragements. First of all, this open letter from a guy to all Christian girls. I think every Christian girl should read it, so I'll go ahead and post it here.

" Dear Girls,

There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I'm betting most of you said "a Godly man." Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don't even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you. The kind of guy you want or will get is advertised by the clothing you wear. I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us depending on our relationship with God. I'm sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you. We have different desires and priorities. Our eyes and minds react very differently to some things than yours do. It isn't disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made us. It's how we handle these differences that separate a Godly man from a worldly man.

A worldly man doesn't control himself, rather, he looks at anything that attracts his attention or gets him excited. A worldly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low cut shirts, low rise jeans, and "cute" little swim-suits. He's a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he thinks they're fine! Worldly guy watches a lot of TV and R-rated movies, isn't really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography. He's a "Christian" and makes up a significant portion of your church and youth group. He's a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body. If you were to marry worldly guy, he'd bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on you.

A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He constantly seeks God and reads his Bible. He "walks in the Spirit" and isn't set off by everything he sees. When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risqué advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly "bounces his eyes" away from the image. He's constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire. Godly guy doesn't watch much TV and is selective about the movies he sees. He views you as a person, knows you and respects you. He has your best interests in mind and guards against inappropriate thoughts of you. If you were to marry Godly guy, he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what.

Unfortunately, there are more worldly men than Godly men. And to make matters worse, to the untrained eye, a worldly man can look a lot like a Godly man. So what can you do to only attract a Godly man? An important way of delineating between them lies in how you dress. As mentioned before, the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. If you dress immodestly, you will attract worldly guys and scare away the Godly ones. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday.

This issue isn't limited strictly to you and your future relationship. The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don't see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! Ask any Christian young man; we've all seen it. It's kept hidden but it is definitely there. By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You'll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you've contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a Godly man someday, well so do many other women. Don't just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.

Of course, I understand the desire to look stylish, attractive, and "cute." It's important to fit in and get attention. Trust me, it can be done modestly! I also understand that it is easier for some girls to find stylish and well-fitting clothes than it is for others. This is an area where guys really don't understand what you are up against. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest! A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents, and real men want a real lady. And you can forget about any guys missing out on how attractive you are because you don't wear revealing clothing. You could wear a circus tent and we would still know; it's a gift we have.

 
And so the question still remains: What kind of man do you want? Answer me with your clothes.
 

Devin Swecker"

Wow. That is always really powerful to me. Okay, so the next thing that helped me realize that I could dress attractively and be pretty was this WONDERFUL thing called The Modesty Survey. You can check that out here: http://www.therebelution.com/m…..estysurvey

The Modesty Survey is an exciting, anonymous discussion between Christian guys and girls who care about modesty. Hundreds of Christian girls contributed to the 148-question survey and over 1,600 Christian guys submitted 150,000+ answers, including 25,000 text responses.

Especially check out the petition, the general questions( like "Can girls dress attractively without being immodest?"), and the open questions. It will be a HUGE encouragement  to you, I garantee it. It is also a really helpful resource for deciding whether or not an outfit is modest.

Another thing is the HUGE wealth of online modest stores. Check out Christa Taylor(Christa-taylor.com) and Style J (denimskirts.com) for starters on some cute, chic, modest clothing. Just do an in ternet search for "Modest skirts"or "Modest clothing resources", etc., etc., and you will find a HUGE amount of adorable modest clothes.  Obviousley, you will get some of the 'extreme' modesty sites, but there is a LOT of really good stuff out there. I don't even bother going to the mall–there's nothing good there! I get all my clothes from thrift stores, hand-me-downs, and online. 

I hope this helps you and encourages you! I know God will bless you for wanting to please Him!

~TanyaBeth

*~Smiling for Jesus!~*
August 27, 2009
1:04 pm
Guest

Thank you girls so much for the posts! I have read the advice you all gave me and it's been so helpful. I have been dressing modestly and it is getting easier. That man I talked about that I am now dating is really proud of me. He thinks I look beautiful when i dress modestly. It's easy to dress that way around him because he make me so comfortable and confident. It's harder around my friends or even my family.

My mother doesn't like the way that I am dressing now.. she tells me that I am young and have a great body and I should wear cute/sexy outfits. She tells me I look like a nun when I dress modestly! So that does make it harder because it lowers my confidence and i feel unattractive. I am trying to ignore what she says though and dress the way I should, modestly.

I appreciate all the time you ladies took to reply to my post and I have read everything more than once. I'll keep checking back for new posts and advice. I could use the help, even if you've already said something!

August 27, 2009
9:59 pm
Anna09
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Forum Posts: 77
Member Since:
February 18, 2009
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"I have been dressing modestly and it is getting easier. That man I talked about that I am now dating is really proud of me. He thinks I look beautiful when i dress modestly. It's easy to dress that way around him because he make me so comfortable and confident."

I am happy for you! :) I know how that feels, and it is wonderful!

As for your mother, I think you are doing the right thing to ignore her negative comments. Love her anyway. I know it can be hard to love someone when they are negative toward you, but it is worth it.

Another thing I want to say: You are a daughter of God. You are beautiful because God says you are. :) Don't let anyone tell you that you are unattractive. It's a lie!

August 30, 2009
9:42 pm
HannahL
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May 8, 2009
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10

Oh, Lauren–I'm SO glad it's working out for you! Keep at it!

As for your mom–I can't even imagine how hard it would be for me to not have my mom's support. That must be very hard. I will definitely pray that God will strengthen you, and that he'll change your mother's heart. Read the book of Esther and Genesis 24 if you can snatch the time–it's great encouragement to see that God DOES NOT condemn beauty, even when He says He wants us to dress modestly.

Cheers!!!

Hannah

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