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Excuses, Excuses
January 27, 2009
8:36 am
MInTheGap
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Think About It

You’ve heard them all before.  They’re the excuses that people use for why they can’t be modest, or the things that people say to reason away why modesty really isn’t that big an issue.

For our first group series project, the authors at Is This Modest will be presenting a series of “reasons” or “problems” people have with modesty and what a good response to these reasons is.

To kick it off, we have a new author—Sarah Mae—who just got off of her own Modesty Series and is getting ready to have a baby!

In any case, please give her a warm welcome, and we hope that you like this new series that starts up tomorrow.

Have some excuses of your own, or ones you'd like to suggest?  Try the Is This Modest Forum– it's brand new and it's a great place to discuss ideas!

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February 18, 2009
2:56 pm
Anna09
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I can think of a few reasons…

1. "I don't want to stand out."

2. "People will think I'm weird for being 'dressed up' all the time."

3. "Guys won't talk to me."

4. "I just don't want to worry about it."

5. "It's so hard to find something modest! I can't sew either!"

And if we are discussing long hair as well…

1. "Long hair is a pain to take care of! It takes forever to brush, dry, and style!"

Just a few thoughts there :)

February 18, 2009
3:34 pm
MInTheGap
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Do girls really think that guys won't talk to you if you wear modest clothing?

February 18, 2009
9:07 pm
Anna09
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Some girls might. I'm thinking more of the girls think they won't get the same level of attention from a guy if they don't dress in a semi-provocative manner.

For me, I don't really speak with many guys much, just because of my shyness in "real life". My boyfriend actually talks to me MORE when I am modest! :)

February 19, 2009
8:18 am
MInTheGap
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Good point– I'm sure that girls that dress provacatively do get more attention– but not really of the kind that they really would want, if they thought about it.

Isn't it more stress to get the fashion "look" correct than to be modest?

February 19, 2009
9:11 pm
Foy
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A guy will probably feel more comfortable around someone who is dressed modestly. If the girl has a non-existent neckline, he's going to spend all his energy trying not to look at her chest, or any other bod region that is "show-offy". By being modestly dressed, the guy can actually be himself, and think about what he's talking about.

So say we all.
February 19, 2009
9:45 pm
MInTheGap
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I guess I meant for the girl.  Isn't it stressful for the girl to try to be in fashion and worry about how much she's showing?  Or do you get to a point that you don't notice?

February 20, 2009
3:29 pm
Anna09
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Well, I know that for many years I was truly ignorant of the effects my clothing had on guys. I'd wear things like v-necks, tank tops, etc because I felt like I looked good in them. I mean, I wouldn't wear trashy clothing (that is, showing cleavage and otherwise trampy-looking), but I still wore things that weren't necessarily modest. When my boyfriend brought up to me that my clothing was causing him to struggle, I didn't understand. I honestly didn't see what was wrong with my clothes. I thought they were cute and I didn't understand why showing some skin was hard for guys to handle. I think that is because I am not even close to visual in that way- seeing a guy shirtless doesn't cause me to struggle. It just makes me think,"Ew. Dude, put a shirt on! I don't want to see your pudge!"

Anyway, I never was very into following fashion. I wear what's comfortable, which is generally jeans, a polo shirt (buttoned up!) and a hoodie over that. Some days I'll wear skirts, and those will be at least knee-length, usually longer. For me, fashion just isn't a big deal.

I think that for prom dresses and such, girls do worry about how much shows, just think about how often they pull their dress top up if it's strapless! But in everyday life at my school, I don't see many people caring about covering. I'm not sure if it's not noticing, or not caring. I know for some it is not caring, and I think for many others it is not noticing.

It's really not that hard, though, to be fashionable and modest at the same time. Layering is a popular look, and leggings (as ugly as I think they are) help, even if they're not always used properly.

I guess the main thing is, it's all about whether the girl cares about modesty or not. Fashion isn't always modest, but the girl who does care about modesty can make the fashion her own and still be modest.

February 20, 2009
4:02 pm
MInTheGap
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So you're making the argument that the reason this site is valuable is because of Foy and I?

Awe, that's sweet.

February 20, 2009
4:12 pm
Anna09
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I think you read a little too much into my post! lol. I didn't intend to say that, but it is true. Being able to read a guy's opinion on things is SO helpful, especially in the area of modesty- what I might think is modest, a guy might not.

February 20, 2009
7:32 pm
Foy
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Well, I guess I should start helping out with the quick reviews. I mean, if we're that helpful to you, theres bound to be other girls needing similar help.

So say we all.
February 20, 2009
11:08 pm
MInTheGap
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I think that's part of the reason that the Rebelution Survey is something every girl should look at– and why it's so valuable– because it's real guys saying what they see.

But yeah, Foy, you're welcome with QRs anytime.

February 21, 2009
11:28 am
Anna09
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Yeah, I've read the Rebelution survey- some of it was surprising at first, but when I really thought about it, it wasn't that surprising after all.

February 21, 2009
8:13 pm
MInTheGap
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The hard part for me was that a lot of the answers were subjective– "if girl x wears this, then it would be, but…"

February 22, 2009
3:26 pm
Foy
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I think a lot of guys confuse "modest" with "attractive". Two women might show the same amount of cleavage – only one may be "attractive" with it.

So say we all.
February 23, 2009
8:59 am
MInTheGap
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That is a good point– I think that guys and girls have similar problems.  Guys can confuse "modest" and "attractive" and girls can confuse "modest" and "fashionable".  I don't know how many QRs I did with AG where she wanted to call something modest because it was fashionable where it clearly wasn't.

February 23, 2009
1:57 pm
Foy
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Ah, yet another example of subjective and objective modesty.

So say we all.
February 23, 2009
4:53 pm
MInTheGap
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Foy said:

Ah, yet another example of subjective and objective modesty.


Indeed.

February 23, 2009
8:43 pm
Anna09
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You ever notice how if it "looks good" on someone, we tend to let immodesty slide more?

February 23, 2009
8:55 pm
Foy
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Who's going to stop someone from looking attractive? At least, that's the thought behind it. 

Wink

So say we all.
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