I never hear about male modesty. Do You?

Speaking to my beautiful spiritual mother this week by phone, she asked me about a Bible Study she sent to me on modesty. In our discussion of the topic she said, “Males need to be modest also.” Her statement caused my brain to freeze. I was like, “What? I can’t picture that?” 

Slowly, with a touch of embarrassment, I spoke, “How does a man dress modest?”

I laugh, as I write, thinking of the irony of the fact that I–a mother of two boys (now 16 and 18)–would be asking an elderly lady who never had children such a question. But I honestly was puzzled, I have ever heard a pastor teach on this topic. Why is it ignored? Why do Pastors only talk about the modesty of a women?

In her overflowing wisdom she made it clear, “Modesty is a matter of not drawing attention toward yourself, especially in a sexually appealing way. So when guys wear muscles shirts, tight jeans, or even no shirt at all (like when cutting grass, etc.) they are not being modest.”

Isn’t it so simple to learn how to make choices when you understand the underlying reason for doing things?

Some people may try to live modestly by dressing according to a list of do’s and don’ts rules! This is how they become legalistic, trying to follow laws. But grace requires us to be relational with God and to consider His heart desire for our life. Isn’t it so much easier to ask yourself before you pick out what to wear or even after you are dressed, “Is what I am wearing drawing attention to myself, particularly my body’s shape in a way that could be inappropriate? Am I dressed to impress others or dressed to bring attention (and glory) to God?”

(more…)

I believe that when it comes to lust, one of the hardest times to be a man is summer when the man is single.  It is at this point in time when the man’s body is producing hormones and everything that even hints of private things can turn into something that attracts his focus.

I guess that summer would just make this worse!

That is part of the reason that God decided that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, because when one is married, there’s a distinct change because of accountability and intimacy:

The marriage relationship is supposed to be the most intimate human to human relationship on the planet. It is in this relationship that two people put down their guards the most in order to share everything—physically, emotionally and spiritually.

…

[T]he husband is helped by his wife because of the physical intimacy she provides. The fact that he is having that need met means that he does not have to struggle as hard against his body’s desire to have that need met. The temptation to look, to desire, and want other women is lessened by the fact that he has a faithful sexual partner—his wife.

(more…)

One of the neat things about layering is that it provides modesty when in public, but can easily be modified when in private.  Layering is at the heart of our first couple of installments, for what’s more layered than underwear or sweatshirts?

So, while we’re discussing layering, take a look at some of our recent Quick Reviews.  What you will find is a list of layering items, and some of the comments that we make go something like:

“This would make a good layering piece.  It’s long, and the top is high enough, but it’s tight…”

In fact, in some we suggest that what could be used it public as a under-layer could be used in private as an outer layer.  If you follow me…

Last time we talked about the power of your underwear—how just mentioning what you are or are not wearing under your clothing can effect your husband; however, that’s not the most powerful thing that you can do to get his attention.

Check out this quirky bit of information from the modesty survey:

Seeing a girl take off a pullover (i.e. a shirt that must be pulled over the head) is a stumbling block, even if she is wearing a modest shirt underneath.

Age 21 -  If it’s just pulled straight up and over, yeah it gets the blood pumping. Especially if the shirt underneath is pulled up slightly. However, using the method where you wedge your elbow into the shirt to take it off severely reduces the amount of clothes coming up and is less sexy. It looks functional and isn’t really stumbling block at all.

Age 16 – It can give the illusion of undressing, even if she really isn’t.

Age 16 – The movements, for some unknown reason, stimulate a guys mind to think lustful thoughts. Also the "modest shirts" often go up a few inches with the pullover before the girl notices.

(more…)

Tupperware.  That was the joke around the time that my wife and I were planning on getting married. There was a story going around that at one bridal shower the lingerie was codenamed “Tupperware” to keep it for a surprise.

The one time that everyone expects that a woman will buy something frilly to wear under her clothing is on her wedding night.  People enjoy picking out what they think will entice their husband, or what will surprise him.

Some argue that lingerie and the like is practically purposeless—getting “in the way” so to speak.

However, I would argue that it is something that is a modest clothing option, when worn under your clothing.

(more…)

With all of the sites out there telling women how to be attractive to the opposite sex, this site is different in that it tells women how to dress in a way that shows beauty and grace instead of raw attraction.

With that focus, it’s easiest to set up our example of a man as someone that has no control of his own impulses, and yet that’s not the case.

(more…)

When I speak about Maintenance Issues in terms of clothing, I’m not talking about washing, drying and hemming clothes.  I’m talking about what needs to be done in order to maintain modesty while wearing different articles of clothing.

I was first exposed to this issue at Csehy Summer School of Music where I was counselor while at college.  Part of the discussion of how to perform a recital, for the young ladies, was how to take a bow.  For the flutist, they were to press the flute against their chest so that they would not expose themselves when they bowed.

(more…)

Next Page »