“That’s funny,” remarked Laura, “Noah is the same way.”
“I just can’t understand him sometimes,” added Tracy. “At one point it sounds like we’re totally on the same page. We read each other’s mind. But then all of a sudden—“
“—he does something so stupid. Then he claims it the only logical way, right?”
“Exactly.”
“Men. I don’t know why they’re that way, but they just don’t understand that we women know the right way to do things more often than not. I don’t know how many times I have to get Noah to come out of his workshop and do something around the house. And don’t get me started about how he doesn’t ask for directions,” Laura laughed.
“But does he listen to you? Because I think that sometimes Adam tunes me out.”
“I told him early on that it was either my way or the highway, so he’d better listen. Sure, I let him make a few decisions, but for the big ones I have to have the last word.”
Something happens when a woman becomes a mom. The dad loves his children, spends time with his children, but is still a man. A woman changes, and is much more easily focused on her children than on her husband.
It may be that the wife is more invested in the children. She’s more nurturing, probably spends more time with them. They were a part of her insides once, and they have a special bond.
The problem is that the primary relationship that a wife needs to maintain is the one with her husband—both for their sake and the child’s sake.
Your Pledge
The truth is, your marriage will not survive if you do not give each other the attention you pledged to each other. When you said “forsaking all others” that included your children in a way. You promised to have a primary relationship with your spouse. Yes, you love your children and need to show them that love. But that love cannot come at the cost of losing your relationship with your husband.
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“Every afternoon it’s the same thing,” Karin told her friend Kristin. “David comes home from doing the chores and he doesn’t take his boots off. They’ve got all kinds of stuff on them, but he tracks them through the house. Doesn’t he know that I spend all kinds of time cleaning it!?”
“I know, my husband is the same way. I don’t know how many times I’ve told him to put the toilet seat down when he’s done using it, and he always leaves it up. The other night I was trying to be kind—so when I got up in the dark and tried to use the bathroom without turning on the lights and waking him up, I almost fell right in!”
“Men. They should know better than to act this way!”
Coming in from a rough afternoon, Noah sits down on the couch, clearly dismayed. When Laura walks by on her way to the kitchen, she sees him and asks him, “What’s wrong?”
“Everything. Nothing that I do seems to work.”
“Oh come on, you’re blowing things out of proportion.”
“No, seriously, everything I did today broke. The potion I tried to create smells like my stinky socks, the television I tried to fix broke… Some days I wonder if I’m just not cut out for this line of work.”
“Well, it’ll get better with time, Noah.” Laura turns and walks away.
I’m sure there are many wives out there that believed, before they were married, that the only way they could get a man was to look “hot”. Why else would you have young ladies going to great lengths to get or keep in shape, to be able to show off their bodies, and look at magazines thinking about proms, formals, and their wedding gowns.
The point being that I believe many women believe a lot of their worth is derived from their ability to look attractive to their husband.
But that’s just simply not true.
When asked what my wife does, I usually responds that she works at home—and works harder than I do, but is that the case?
It’s easy for wives to fall into the trap of believing that they work harder than their husbands, and to use it as a wedge against their husbands to keep them unhappy.
But don’t take my word for it, here’s militarywifey’s Why his job isn’t easier than mine:
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The truth is, he probably doesn’t cook at all. Sure, he can probably make peanut butter and jelly, but he’d be lost without you. And yet he may still joke about the way that you prepare a meal:
“You cook just like my mother used to.” Really means….
“She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too.”
Seriously, if you’re the one that cooks in your house, I’m sure he realizes what a treasure he has. If not, I strongly suggest you go visit your mother for a weekend and make sure to take the credit cards and the cash. If he can’t get fast food, cereal only works for so long.
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