“I just can’t understand him sometimes,” added Tracy.  “At one point it sounds like we’re totally on the same page.  We read each other’s mind.  But then all of a sudden—“

“—he does something so stupid.  Then he claims it the only logical way, right?”

“Exactly.”

“Men.  I don’t know why they’re that way, but they just don’t understand that we women know the right way to do things more often than not.  I don’t know how many times I have to get Noah to come out of his workshop and do something around the house.  And don’t get me started about how he doesn’t ask for directions,” Laura laughed.

“But does he listen to you?  Because I think that sometimes Adam tunes me out.”

“I told him early on that it was either my way or the highway, so he’d better listen.  Sure, I let him make a few decisions, but for the big ones I have to have the last word.”

Many wives do not hold their husbands in high respect.  Oh they say that they do, but what their actions say is a whole lot louder than their words—from their actions you wonder if they believe that their husbands can do anything right.

The problem, I believe, stems from the fact that the two people are usually involved in two entirely different lines of work, and are attuned to two entirely different set of circumstances and stimuli.

Men are wired for work, for getting things done and accomplished, and they will usually have a single plan to get them done.  Having a list of things to do to provide accomplishment is a great thing.  The reward of a job well done is more often greater for them than the road traveled.

Women, on the other hand, like the journey.  They process multiple things, and they are less goal oriented.  While they like getting the job done, it’s also the process.  That’s one of the reasons they like cooking—they get to taste the progress as well as taste the final result.  Men just want the meal done—preferably 10 minutes ago!

It’s important that both spouses realize this in part of their communication.  They need to realize that both of them come from a different perspective, and that you committed to be with each other for life.  That doesn’t mean that you can threaten or head for the exits the moment things don’t go the way that you believe they should.

Simply because society has given more power to the woman in the relationship doesn’t mean that God ordained her to that role, or that assuming that leadership is best for the family.

God’s way is always best.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: decisions, derision, husband, lieswviesbelieve, listen, respect

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It may be that the wife is more invested in the children.  She’s more nurturing, probably spends more time with them.  They were a part of her insides once, and they have a special bond.

The problem is that the primary relationship that a wife needs to maintain is the one with her husband—both for their sake and the child’s sake.

Your Pledge

The truth is, your marriage will not survive if you do not give each other the attention you pledged to each other.  When you said “forsaking all others” that included your children in a way.  You promised to have a primary relationship with your spouse.  Yes, you love your children and need to show them that love.  But that love cannot come at the cost of losing your relationship with your husband.

Your Sanity

If you focus constantly on them, your husband will probably grow distant and seek to form relationships elsewhere.  As he finds ways to spend time elsewhere, your sanity will suffer as you spend more and more time with your children and less and less in adult companionship.

Your children

They need to see an adult relationship modeled.  If you show them that they dominate your life with your husband, they will have a warped perspective on marriage, and a warped opinion of their own self.  They will be spoiled and seek to control every moment of your day.

They are your children, and they need to learn that they do not take primacy in your household—you and your husband do.

So, remember the children, but don’t let them get in the way of your relationship with your spouse!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: children, husband, lieswivesbelieve, place, pledge, sanity

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“Every afternoon it’s the same thing,” Karin told her friend Kristin.  “David comes home from doing the chores and he doesn’t take his boots off.  They’ve got all kinds of stuff on them, but he tracks them through the house.  Doesn’t he know that I spend all kinds of time cleaning it!?”

“I know, my husband is the same way.  I don’t know how many times I’ve told him to put the toilet seat down when he’s done using it, and he always leaves it up.  The other night I was trying to be kind—so when I got up in the dark and tried to use the bathroom without turning on the lights and waking him up, I almost fell right in!”

“Men.  They should know better than to act this way!”

Why is it that when two people live together that there are unsaid expectations, and when you don’t meet the expectation you figure that they should magically know the expectations?

The only way for two people to understand each other is to talk. If you do not, the problems will continue to mount as each person will keep a list of things that irritate them and only reference them when they cannot contain themselves anymore.

Prevent fights from happening by keeping the lines of communication open and talking about your likes and dislikes.  You’ll be surprised at how much happier your marriage can be!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: boots, David, expectations, karin, lieswivesbelieve, toilet

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Coming in from a rough afternoon, Noah sits down on the couch, clearly dismayed.  When Laura walks by on her way to the kitchen, she sees him and asks him, “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.  Nothing that I do seems to work.”

“Oh come on, you’re blowing things out of proportion.”

“No, seriously, everything I did today broke.  The potion I tried to create smells like my stinky socks, the television I tried to fix broke… Some days I wonder if I’m just not cut out for this line of work.”

“Well, it’ll get better with time, Noah.”  Laura turns and walks away.

It’s a typical reaction.  We tend to see things differently than our spouse, and instead of listening and trying to get to the root of the problem, we want to pretend as if there is no problem at all.  We downplay and ignore each other’s feelings and we believe that we’re actually encouraging the other person.

A husband is sensitive, just in different ways than his wife.  He derives worth from his wife and when things are well with her, they are also well with him.  He can climb the mighty fortress if only she is standing beside him.

So listen to his concerns, don’t downplay them.  You’ll encourage him more in that you value what he feels than you will if you just pretend they don’t exist.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: broke, feelings, fiction, laura, lieswivesbelieve, noah, porportion

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The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.  Proverbs 29:15

A SIN NATURE PROBLEM

Children are born sinners.  We don’t have to teach them to sin, talk back, disobey, push the limits, throw tantrums, be selfish, yell, scream, hit, kick, bite, steal, destroy other people’s things… they can learn that all on their own! 

It always kind of shocks me when I hear a mother of children older than age 1 say that "everyone is basically good." It has been pretty obvious to me from a very young age that my children take after me and their Daddy – they have a sinful nature.  

It is our God-given responsibility as parents to do something about this sin issue or there will be severe consequences in our precious children’s future!  That sinful nature is set on autopilot to cause our children to self-destruct if it is not managed, controlled and regulated.

WHAT RESULTS DO WE EXPECT?

Disciplining children is a very touchy issue today – and, maybe not surprisingly, we have some seriously undisciplined children in our society. Many parents would rather try to be "friends" with their children than disciplinarians. Many parents can’t stand the temporary discomfort and pain of punishment for children and choose to avoid temporary emotional/spiritual/physical pain now in favor of much greater pain later in life. This is a severe injustice and, in my opinion, abuse of our responsibility as parents.

I think every parent and couple must pray about what discipline methods, punishment techniques and teaching methods to use and to seek to honor God and scripture in the way they raise their unique children. We must be extremely proactive and purposeful to discipline and train our children to be wise and godly. This takes a HUGE amount of preparation, prayer, energy and intention. It doesn’t just happen accidentally! We cannot allow rebellion, disobedience, sin, aggression, unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, lust, greed, materialism, addictions, stealing, cheating, lying, hurting other people, hurting animals…etc. to go on.

The Bible is very clear that sin leads to death. And children who are left to find their own path without godly guidance and discipline often find death very early on. We are stewards of our children’s lives and it is our duty to do what is ultimately in their best interest and what will best teach, protect and discipline them with a long range view toward the future and God’s perspective in mind.

As parents, I want to see us look around and study what kind of results different parenting methods achieve in the teen years and on into adulthood before embracing a particular style. What are the end results? Is this what I want for my children? Is this what GOD wants for our children? What kind of parent does God desire me to be? That is the REAL question!

DEALING WITH SIN

We can use discipline, lectures, punishment, rewards, etc… for our children to modify their behavior. But if we do not get at the root issue of sin in their hearts and address that and how to find forgiveness and freedom from sin – we are not going to get long term results.

Ultimately, my children need to know how sinful they are compared to God’s holy standards. So when they sin, I point out each specific sinful motive and sinful action I can see that they have.

• We talk about repenting to God for specific sins and repenting to the person we have offended.
• We talk about that "the wages for sin is death" according to the Bible (Romans 6:23). And we talk about the sacrifice Jesus made for us to pay for our sins on the cross.
• We talk about how He rose from the dead and defeated sin and death. And we talk about how WE can each have victory over sin and death if we turn from our wicked ways, turn to God and decide to accept Jesus’ gift of life.

It means that we give our lives completely to Him as Lord (Master – the One in charge). And I pray that my husband and I model a godly example for them of our faith and of what God’s love is like. This is the only way to really deal with the root causes of sin and behavior issues in our children.

The discipline methods we use are a training tool to help our children learn to live in godly ways before they have a strong relationship with Christ themselves and can hear His voice, follow His Spirit, study His Word and seek His face on their own. Then, gradually, the discipline and punishments are lifted as our children become older and we establish more of a mentoring role, walking beside our children as they learn to spread their wings and fly, preparing them to live life apart from us – so that they learn to depend on God’s Spirit and His Word themselves and become all that God desires them to be to shine for Jesus in a dark world.

DISGRACE OR BLESSING – Our choices as parents have an amazing impact on the outcome!

Children do have a free will. They can choose for themselves once they reach a certain age. But when they are lovingly, consistently disciplined as young children, we give them the greatest opportunity for a godly life later on. Our children are too precious for us to stand by and allow them to self-destruct. If left to their own, children will always choose what feels good at the time and they will always choose to escape consequences and responsibility. It is up to us to restrain their behavior, love them, teach them and guide them in the ways of godly wisdom so that when they are old, they will not depart from God’s ways.

Lord,
I pray that all of us might teach our children wisely and honor God in our parenting. I pray that we might have children who grow up to be a joy and blessing to their mama – not a disgrace! I pray we will have wisdom to raise our children to know and love God and to find His narrow path that leads to life.
Amen!

© Peacefulwife for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: biblical discipline, godly discipline, godly mother, godly parenting, raising children godly

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I love looking at old books – Goodwill and the Thrift Stores are some of the best places to find such treasures. Most libraries discard these gems… the pages are yellowed or even cracked, the binding is loose, the dust cover is faded or torn. Someone who loves filling the shelves with the newest and latest has no problem loading these great books away and stamping them with a big read “DISCARD”.

Do you recall the story about the well-loved stuffed velveteen rabbit? It is one of my very favorite children stories! A little rich boy who has everything – every toy he could want – gets very sick. His room must be quarantined so the germs don’t spread to anyone healthy in the family, and in the process his room is stripped clean. But the well-hugged rabbit lingers by the child, comforting him through the long days and nights of fever. The little rabbit is so excited to be loved… needed. Finally the day arrives that the little boy recovers, so all of his germ infested belonging must be removed and burned. The room will be completed cleaned during the boys holiday to get fresh air. And of course, the tattered rabbit is tossed away also with the germ-filled items. What is to become of the rabbit that knew love and for a season became real?

Is this story not like life and the way we treat God?

He becomes real to us when we need Him the most. When everything else is stripped away… all of our daily distractions. I recall in my younger years, I used to conclude that God allowed me to get sick every so often to slow me down and make me appreciate the little essential in life. Unfortunately God can become one of our many little essentials. What could you not live without? My Bible, my toothbrush, my pillow, a pen & paper, a piece of chocolate and oh, God! Of course, I am not being serious in this list but it is the silly things we say or more precisely show that line up with God when we are honest about how we really live.

But how does this story end. What becomes of the velveteen rabbit? What becomes of God in our life?

Some people feel sad about how the story ends for the rabbit as “he” reflects how the boys love for “him” made “him” real, a TEAR trickles down out of his toy eyes. Indeed he learns love DID make him real after all!

But God is love, He is real! Our feelings or use for Him does not determine His reality.

In the story I wanted someone to rescue the rabbit – He is REAL! Only one who loves can rescue another. You see the rabbit innately was lovable, but could not generate love. Kind of like the way God finds us in life. We are innately created lovable, but until we are spiritually reborn we do not have the capacity to genuinely love others. We must first receive God’s love into our heart, soul and life — to be given spiritual life — that we might allow God to love in and through us.

So in life, when is it too late? When does the last page of our life story end?

Truth is none of us knows! We do not know the number of our days.

We must choose God before our last breath. Our choice will determine our eternal destination. We should not play Russian Roulette with our eternal destination. Life and death is not a game or a make believe story. It is real!

Who do you choose to live for today? Joshua, of the Old Testament, clearly proclaimed, “As for me and my house, We will serve the Lord!” In other words, “I choose God. I will live my life obedient to God. I choose love!”

Today is not too late. If you have been putting this decision off, maybe waiting until later… realize, you do not know what tomorrow may bring or if you will have a tomorrow. Settle for yourself eternity today.

As for me, I have long ago chosen God, and daily I continue to live for Him, until the day He calls me home. Peace enters your heart when you have your eternal destination settled. Do it today! It is not too late!

© lindyabbott for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: chose God, decisions, discard, love, obedient

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As you know eyelashes exist for a purpose – to keep dust and debris away from our sensitive eyes and help prevent irritation. Along with adding beauty to your face, mascara provides health benefits as mascara helps in maintenance of longer eyelashes. Longer lashes keep debris far from eyes’ reach.

Mascara can help you in thickening, lengthening or curling your lashes to compliment your looks. It is used for highlighting the eyes to give a fuller appearance. It enhances the beauty of a female by giving a bold look. Here are some benefits of mascara to maintain your attractive looks.

1. Mascara can give you a dramatic look or a modern look

For an evening party when you are looking for a dramatic look, mascara can be your savior. Adding some spark, it makes your eyes look smoky. Longer lashes with a touch of mascara can add some drama to your eyes with minimal effort. It can give you an intense look within minutes. If you are planning to attend a nocturnal party, use a water-proof mascara to add some volume and give a modern look to compliment the environment. If required, you can choose to curl your lashes to add some sensuousness on your face.

2. Mascara for those stunning and alluring eyes

Your eye makeup is incomplete without a dash of mascara on your eyelashes. Mascara application gives you a complete look giving you those alluring and sparkling eyes. Mascara is available in various shades and qualities.  Choose the one that suits your appearance and skin tone. For those beautiful eyes, choose the mascara to compliment your looks like lengthening mascara, thickening mascara and more. For instance if you have sort eye lashes, always opt for a lengthening mascara.

3. Mascara to give you a sultry look

For a sultry look, choose volumizing mascara and apply it evenly on your lashes. This will add to the shimmery look and compliment your trendy style. Since mascara plays an important role in your make-up, make sure you are very conscious while applying mascara.

To get that perfect makeup look for day or night, mascara can help create that magic. Mascara due to its beauty benefits has become extremely essentials these days. It is now a part of every woman’s makeup wardrobe. Wearing a good makeup is all about highlighting or accentuating your features. Makeup is a part and parcel of every woman’s life as feeling good and looking attractive is synonymous to women. So apply mascara to add some spice to your beautiful face and get that fuller and complete look.

© KellyMarsh for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: alluring, dramatic, eyes, mascara, stunning, sultry

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I’m sure there are many wives out there that believed, before they were married, that the only way they could get a man was to look “hot”.  Why else would you have young ladies going to great lengths to get or keep in shape, to be able to show off their bodies, and look at magazines thinking about proms, formals, and their wedding gowns.

The point being that I believe many women believe a lot of their worth is derived from their ability to look attractive to their husband.

But that’s just simply not true.

The truth is that an excellent wife is worth far more than her beauty—and beauty grows with age, love and your relationship—if you were to look purely at the things that she brings to the table when it comes to how she helps him and his job, I think you’d be surprised.

A Good Husband reflects on this, with 6 ways a wife helps a husband’s career:

1. Fashion Consultant – She wants you to look good and is a good judge of color.
2. Homemaker – Your house is a home and a place of refuge from the storm.
3. Power Broker – Women have networks of people, and can help her man get the right job.
4. Socialite – Women are naturally more social than men, and give good impressions to future bosses, etc.
5. Cheerleader – She is the one whose opinions matter the most—he will work hard for her approval, and will be crushed at her disappointment.
6. Confidant – They hear the the man’s emotions and can help strengthen and guide him by keeping him grounded and focused.

Now, perhaps you’re saying “I’m not any of these!”  but the truth is you’re probably more than one if not all.

Take the time to realize your power, and use it to further you both.  You’ll be glad you did!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty, cheerleader, confidant, fashion, homemaker, lieswivesbelieve, looks, power, socialite, trophy, wife

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When asked what my wife does, I usually responds that she works at home—and works harder than I do, but is that the case?

It’s easy for wives to fall into the trap of believing that they work harder than their husbands, and to use it as a wedge against their husbands to keep them unhappy.

But don’t take my word for it, here’s militarywifey’s Why his job isn’t easier than mine:

Now the fact that our husbands work does not absolve them of parental responsibility. A parent is a parent no matter the condition. However, it does mean that they are not to be scolded or unfairly demeaned for not doing all the housework when they have a 40+ hr a week job to attend to. I’m talking about this from the viewpoint of a stay-at-home wife and/or mother. We shouldn’t malign our husbands because they don’t come home and make us steak dinner every night in addition to vaccuuming the living room. We do not marry men so they can serve us. Neither do men marry us so we can primarily serve them. We marry each other so we can serve each other in different ways. In many marriages, and in mine in particular, my husband serves me through his providing for the family. I serve my husband through being his loving wife, through supporting his career, through raising our child, through attending to our home, and through being his help-meet. And I am glad to be his help-meet. I am glad to be able to be there for him. I am glad to help him in any way possible.

This is completely true—we both are together to serve each other.  Wife, if you have the ability to stay at home, chances are it’s because your husband is able to make enough money for you to do it.  Many wives are working because they have to (either perceived or through the choices that the couple has made).

It’s both perspective and loving service!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: easier, Job, lieswivesbelieve

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The truth is, he probably doesn’t cook at all.  Sure, he can probably make peanut butter and jelly, but he’d be lost without you.  And yet he may still joke about the way that you prepare a meal:

“You cook just like my mother used to.” Really means….
“She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too.”

Seriously, if you’re the one that cooks in your house, I’m sure he realizes what a treasure he has.  If not, I strongly suggest you go visit your mother for a weekend and make sure to take the credit cards and the cash.  If he can’t get fast food, cereal only works for so long.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: cooking, lieswivesbelieve

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Dad can easily leave a lot of the raising of his daughter to his wife—her mother—and expect that “since she’s a woman, she knows how to raise a woman, so why should I get involved.

And yet if a dad chooses not to get involved he might not do a good enough job conveying his perspective and providing the protection that he should be providing.

You see, it’s the father’s job to help his daughter not only know how to dress—and what her clothing says to others, but to teach her the value of purity and model what he wants the man that she someday will marry to look like.

Dad as Example

I often thought that a mother would be the one that would do most of the work bringing up a daughter.  I had visions of the two of them cooking together, and enjoying mutual interests.  I expected to teach my sons how to play ball, how to fix things, and perhaps how to blog.  It’s weird how we compartmentalize our roles!

The thing is, each parent is an example to the kids of what a healthy relationship looks like.  Mom is not only showing her daughter how to love her husband and take care of the house, but she’s also showing her sons what to look for in a wife.

The same thing goes for dad—but a lot of the time I don’t think dads realize the power that they have with their daughters, and so they marginalize themselves.

Get Involved

Don’t let dad remain detached from any of his children.  Make sure he gets involved with his daughter and shows her what a good man looks like.  Make sure that he helps show her modesty and purity—and don’t be afraid to ask his opinion about what clothes you wear either!

It’s his function, as the man in the house that he be able to share his perspective and difference of opinion—he will see the clothing that you and your daughters wear as a man would see them, not as how cute or fashionable you might think something immodest is.

If you want him to lead and fulfill his role, you need to encourage his participation—your whole family will be better for it!

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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The contentious, quarrelsome wife deserves a closer inspection. She may love her husband. I did when I was quarrelsome and contentious. So her love may not be lacking – but the issue is her PRIDE.

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. Proverbs 19:13

Better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. Proverbs 21:9

THE HEART OF A CONTENTIOUS, QUARRELSOME WIFE

As a formerly contentious wife myself, I can freely admit now that I was contentious and quarrelsome because I embraced the following philosophies whether I consciously knew it or not:

• I know best.
• I know better than my husband.
• I know better than God.
• I am in charge around here.
• I “have” to be in charge because my husband “won’t” lead.
• I am a victim.
• If only HE would change (be more loving, be a stronger leader, do what I want), everything would be fabulous!
• I am a great wife.
• God and my husband need my “help.”  I have to make sure things work out just right or it will all be a big mess.
• There isn’t much in my life that I need to repent of or work on to make our marriage better.

PRIDE IS TOXIC

What an UGLY, SINFUL, PRIDEFUL, NASTY attitude I had!!!!!

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

No wonder I didn’t see many prayers answered back then. I had MOUNTAINS of pride – but I didn’t even know it. I saw my husband’s sins and faults very clearly. But I didn’t see mine at all. My pride made me prickly to live with. It’s pretty impossible for a husband to cuddle up to a woman who is “always right,” demanding, controlling, inflexible and who MUST have things done her way. My pride repelled my husband and it repelled God. I had made an idol out of being in control. But it was an illusion. I wasn’t actually in control. I was just lonely, stressed out, worried, anxious and overwhelmed for trying to take on more weight than I could actually carry.

A CONTROLLING WOMAN REPELS MEN

Whether it is a controlling mother, a controlling female coworker or boss, or a controlling girlfriend/wife – men DO NOT like to be told what to do. They don’t like it when other men tell them what to do – but they REALLY don’t like it when a woman tells them what to do. It’s condescending and emasculating to a man to have a woman constantly be on his back and telling him in great detail all that she expects from him. It makes him want to run away and not come back. Men don’t generally do this to each other. They respect one another and trust that the other guy will figure things out on his own. A man will usually wait until another man ASKS for help before giving him help. That is the honorable way to do things in a man’s world!

So when a woman takes over and dictates how things should be done or must be done and stands there disapprovingly tapping her foot – it is repulsive for a man. Being right all the time and having to have the last word may make you feel like a winner for that particular argument. And maybe you are right about a lot of things – but you will be a lonely “winner.”

THE CORNER OF THE ROOF OR THE DESERT SEEM LIKE GOOD OPTIONS

A healthy guy will find ways to not be around very much when his girlfriend/wife is controlling, argumentative and prideful. Working late will seem a lot more inviting than going home. Going out with the guys will seem much more peaceful than going home. Working on the plumbing under the house will be more appealing than spending a lot of time with this woman who has her claws in him, smothering him and making him feel like he can hardly breathe. And spending a little extra time with an admiring female coworker would definitely seem a lot more welcoming than going home to a scowling, critical, negative, angry, sarcastic, attacking wife. A healthy guy will run from a situation like this to preserve his dignity, sanity and honor!

INTIMACY AND  MY PRIDE CANNOT COEXIST

I lost out on the things I wanted most when I clung to pride – intimacy with God and with my husband. I couldn’t have intimacy and try to be in control with God! Talk about being disrespectful! I was demanding even in my prayers – and ungrateful and critical of God!

I couldn’t have intimacy and try to control my marriage and my husband. It’s only when a believer yields to God, seeking “Your will, not mine” and is humble before God that intimacy can occur with Him. And it’s only when a wife yields to her husband, seeking “your will, not mine” and is humble before her husband, allowing him to be the leader (as God ordained in Scripture Genesis 3, Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:2-5, I Corinthians 11), that she can have intimacy with her husband on every level.

When I surrender to God – He is pleased with my humility and He will hear my prayers. Spiritual unity with Him can blossom and grow when I see myself as utterly sinful and spiritually poverty stricken. Yielding control to God paves the way for excitement, intimacy with Him, oneness with Him and living every day as an adventure with Him.

When I surrender to my husband – he is drawn to me, he is motivated to love and serve me, and he can surprise me with romance again! When I am in control, I can’t have romance! Romance involves my husband surprising and delighting me with things I don’t know will happen. Yielding control to my husband in my marriage paves the way for a deeper relationship and deeper intimacy on every level.

A SIDE BENEFIT OF HUMILITY AND SURRENDER

When I surrender control to my husband and to God – I still tell them what I think and want and how I feel. In fact, my feelings matter a lot more to my husband when I am humble, trusting, cooperative and pleasant. But I trust them and leave things in their capable hands to work out for my best. And I have peace! I have BIG God-sized peace that just camps out in my heart all day every day. I can wait patiently. God can transform me into a woman who has a gentle and peaceful spirit who does not give way to fear!!!! What an incredible blessing! Not only do I get intimacy with God and my husband when I am humble and surrendered to them, but I get to experience the peace and joy of God – becoming the woman of dignity and maturity I have always longed to be. God draws near to me and my husband LOVES coming home to me and draws near to my body, heart and soul, too!

Lord,

Help each of us to throw of contentiousness, argumentativeness, and our desire to be in control and be right all the time. Help us to confess the dump truck loads of pride that are filling up our souls and cleanse us. Make us humble, peaceful and beautiful in Your sight and in our husbands’ sight! Let us become women who are pleasant, gracious, positive, encouraging, admiring, respectful and who know how to empower our husbands as leaders, fathers and men of God. Help us to find the power of our godly femininity and bless our husbands and families richly!

Amen!

© Peacefulwife for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: angry wife, biblical marriage, contentious wife, controlling wife, godly marriage

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If you were to die today, would you have lived your life the way God wanted you to live it?

Oh, God… Him again.

I was writing about success from the perspective of a relative that is already dead (sounds kind of dreary-I know), but I found it challenging to be reflective, to look back at life through another person’s eyes.

Why did they do what they did? Why did little things bother them? Why did they put so much focus on some thing and not on others? Did they ever live life they way they wanted or more importantly they way they should have? And should have according to who?

Isn’t that really the truth? We live life the way we want, but not often the way we should.

Everyone does what they really put as a priority. What we truly believe can be seen by our actions.

They may not finish “it” but they continually work toward this priority. Words often don’t match to the real actions or lack, thereof of, actions. We each get 24 hours a day, but we each do not get the same number of days.

Are you wasting your life?

Do you write a list and check it off? Or do you address what crosses your path or drops in your lap next? How do you prioritize? And do we really live by what we SAY is most important?

Truth is few of us ever do. We are so distracted. I hear people say that pleasure is Satan’s greatest tool to keep God children from being effective on earth. I wonder if it is not distraction.

Is the tool we love–the internet–really a tool for good or is it used much more for evil? Are you wasting your life sitting at a computer or staring at a screen? And in ages to come, does what you did or said really matter?

So many times I feel like I am wasting my life, like I am running as fast as I can in a repeating cycle. I write, and do and speak but there are so many words in the world…they can’t all be heard or read.

Oh, God. Yes, Him again.

God  is our central core when we are making a true differences and progress. It boiled downs to obedience. 

You see, we can’t really tell if what we are doing is making an eternal difference, but He can. And we don’t know if what we say pours out only as rain that floods or as rain needed for the nourishment of growth, but He does.

As I am writing this, I see the sun setting outside the window. It seems to be rising over the ridge of tall trees brighter and brighter as the sun gets closer and closer to my eye level before it finally sets. And I sense God saying to me, “That is the point of it all. Finally, you said it! Life is never wasted when you keep me at the center. How can you forget? How can I make you remember?”

And He continues, “I am always shining brightly like the sun. You just sometimes aren’t looking for Me or listening to Me. Yes, you are so distracted.”

And I smile, because I know I get it – I hear Him. He is always there for me, waiting for me to re-center my life. I am so thankful and so blessed because with Him, I am not wasting my life. I am living for Him.

© lindyabbott for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Christian, live for God, make a difference, motivation, purpose, success

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Have any of you other ladies found this?

The style of undershirt that used to work no longer does, what used to keep you covered up top no longer holds its place while you bend over. It is difficult! But that does not meant it is impossible, it just takes a minor mindset change.

1. Leave yourself more time in the morning or before an event to get ready.

I attended my baby shower this weekend and learnt from my last night out that I needed to give myself extra time to ensure my outfit covered all areas and passed all modesty tests I set for myself. What worked before for you will probably no longer be sufficient and so trying on various undershirts or even changing outfits completely may be necessary. Don’t get flustered and give in to wearing something you are not modestly comfortable in because you will only be pulling your skirt hem down all night or pulling up the front of your dress every 10 minutes. So, take your time, try on your clothes beforehand so there are no unexpected surprises before your event.

2. Invest in covering materials

I did not mention this in my previous article, but take the time to shop for undershirts/tanks that come up very high and are very long. You will find yourself wearing these almost daily as even crew neck cut shirts fit differently during pregnancy and you may find you expose more than you wish when moving, bending or reaching. I have found these give me peace of mind and I can concentrate on my tasks of the day rather then continually monitoring every movement I make to ensure that everything is staying in place.

3. Shop around for a new shape

I have always loved sundresses and now that summer is here I am pulling out some of my old ones to see what still fits. Well, I have learnt that with a larger belly comes a shorter skirt as more more material is needed to extend over my bump. So, those have been packed away but I am still very fond of my sundresses so I shopped around for a couple maternity ones to keep me going through the warm/humid days here in Ontario.  I could not go to a local store and shop as they would have all had the same problem my old ones had. This is where I was willing to shop in the sales department for maternity wear. What I did have to change, though, was the shape of the necklines I was picking out. I now needed higher necks that I usually would not have needed, or I had to make sure I had a high necked tank that would match and fit nicely under the dress I was purchasing.  DON’T ASSUME YOU CAN PULL OFF WHAT YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO!

If you are still concerned about dressing a curvier body type then google what shirts/dresses provide flattering yet conservative coverage. Oh, and don’t resent your new body shape. Enjoy the change in clothing options and use it to understand women who always dress this body type. Understand where their dressing challenges lie so we can be helpful and sympathetic as it is not as easy as we thought to dress every body shape modestly. As I encounter the annoyances of a curvier figure my respect for full figured women increases as I understand the difficulty in dressing modestly when our society hardly produces clothing for the shapely!

I am open to any suggestions or advice and wish you all the best of luck dressing your individual shape in this immodest world!

© HeSingsOverYou for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Christian, fashion, Maternity, pregnant, style, woman

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One of the things that I’ve had to continually remind myself is that it’s no good getting in rush to be late to end up pulled over on the side of the road or worse—in the hospital because of an accident.

Still, it’s hard not to want to speed when you’re going to be late—and worse when you think going a little faster would be the difference of being late and being on time.

So, here’s where today’s lie comes in to play:

“We’re going to be late.” Really means….
“Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

There is never a legitimate reason to drive like a maniac.  Your family depends on you, and is more important than any meeting or anything that you might be late for.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: driving, lieswivesbelieve, maniac, meeting

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“I got a lot done.” Really means….
“I found ‘Waldo’ in almost every picture.”

Wives, how many times have you looked at your husband and you have seen him sitting there watching television or doing something on the computer and you have judged him?  On second thought, don’t try to count.

From your perspective, you do a lot of work, and your work doesn’t end until it’s time for bed.  From his perspective, work is something he does at his day job, and he expects it to end when he comes home.  Home is a chance for him to stop working.

That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a responsibility to do things around the house.  It just means that you have to understand his perspective before you can reach him without sounding like you’re nagging him.

And, if truth be told, I’m pretty sure that some of you ladies should be taking a break instead of continuing to work, because if you do rest during the day I’m sure you’d be healthier and happier!

Boiling it down:

• Don’t fall into the trap of comparison.
• Have a defined list of things you want to get done that are reasonable, and do them.
• Make sure you plan time to relax and wind down.  Neither of you benefit if only one is doing all the work, but don’t do overkill.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: comparison, husband, lieswivesbelieve, lists, relax, work

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We joke, but may people in America could stand to lose a few pounds.  Odds are your husband is one of them.

The problem is laziness—and it’s funny what we’ll do in order to be lazy.

“I’m getting more exercise lately.” Really means….
The batteries in the remote are dead.”

Growing up in my house, we didn’t have a remote control—well we did, it was me.

Still, this is a dodge just like many of the other dodges, and we need to call it for what it is.  Get that gym membership, get a piece of fitness equipment and use it, or just go for walks together.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dodge, fitness, lieswivesbelieve, remote control, walks, weight

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Men like to think they know everything.  That’s part of the reason (I’m sure) why they don’t stop for directions, they don’t read the instructions, and what makes it more irritating is that they will seldom admit to their lack of knowledge on a particular subject:

“It would take too long to explain.” Really means….
“I have no idea how it works.”

I’m sure all of your heads are nodding in agreement.

Wives, I think that this lie will not be a problem for your husband if you respect him.  Husbands are pretty simple creatures.  They have very few things on their mind—as you’re probably well aware—but they crave respect.  That’s why, when you were dating, your husband probably would go to the ends of the Earth for you.

He might still do that if you treat him with respect.

He’s telling you that it’s too complicated or that it would take too long to explain because, in some ways, this means that you still need him.  This is part of his ability to say that he has what it takes to get the job done.  He has a need to feel needed—he just doesn’t want it known.

Let him know that you respect him, give him room to be your hero in the everyday, and I believe that you won’t have to worry about this one.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | One comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: clue, complicated, husband, lieswivesbelieve, respect, wife

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Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.  Proverbs 11:22

EXTERNAL BEAUTY ALONE IS NOT TRULY BEAUTIFUL – NOT TO GOD AND NOT TO MEN!

There are many women who have stunning outward beauty.  And many women strive to have the ultimate hair, figure, complexion, make-up and wardrobe – some to the point of obsession and idolatry.

But no matter how perfect a woman’s body – her character can tarnish her beauty, smearing grime, mud and filth on her outward glory.

It’s not difficult to find a beautiful woman without discretion.  Almost every prime time TV show and reality TV program showcase these women daily.  It’s fascinating – and a bit horrifying – to watch a gorgeous woman show her true character. Her attitude, promiscuity, immodesty, pride, vulgarity, profanity, arrogance, gossip, unjustifiable anger, attacking nature, selfishness and lack of virtue cast such an ugly shadow over her facial features that her beauty can become completely overshadowed by her sinful, ungodly, unholy character. Eventually she doesn’t even LOOK beautiful anymore. No external beauty can mask the ugliness of a sinful character. It shows on her face.

WHY A PIG?

According to God’s Law in the Old Testament – pigs were considered to be “unclean” animals. The Jewish people were not to touch or eat pigs. They didn’t even own pigs because the animals were considered to be filthy. God is SO very wise! He knew that if improperly cooked, pork could easily cause his people serious illness and His Law protected them from sickness and even death. Of course, they didn’t know about the infections pigs can cause. They only knew that God said not to eat or touch pigs.

A valuable gold ring would suddenly be of very little value if it were in such a nasty, filthy place as a pig’s nose. What could look beautiful and precious on a young bride does nothing but look out of place and distracting on a pig.

A woman with no discretion (modesty, virtue, chastity, propriety, wisdom, proper use of godly femininity) is herself living in a filthy, vile, ungodly and repugnant way. Her external beauty is out of place because it is smeared with the filth, vulgarity and sinfulness of her soul.

A beautiful piece of gold jewelry is lovely in the right place. A beautiful face and figure on a woman are lovely when her spirit is godly, modest, gracious, wise, discerning and submissive to God.

Lord,
I pray that You will help us to cultivate the inner beauty of the heart – a gentle and peaceful spirit that does not give way to fear. A spirit that is submissive to You, to Your Word and to our husbands if we are married. Let us truly be women of eternal beauty in Your sight!
Amen!

© Peacefulwife for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beauty without discretion, biblical beauty, external beauty, godly beauty

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A lot of times when men say “She doesn’t understand me” it’s an excuse because they haven’t tried hard enough, but sometimes it’s because she’s just gotten to the point where she knows all your stories:

“My wife doesn’t understand me.” Really means….

“She’s heard all my stories before, and is tired of them.”

Men have trouble with communication.  It’s not that they have trouble talking—it’s usually that they have trouble listening, and most people—and men are included here—have a face they were in public and in private.  Unfortunately, after time has passed men will spend more time with the public face on to everyone else and the private face with his family.  The private, exhausted face is not a pretty sight.

So, next time he gives you an excuse for something like he’s done many times before, don’t accept what he has to say, or let him get away with it—take some time and try to feel out why he’s dodging.  Maybe not right then, but figure out a way to get him to open up to what’s going on.

Communication is a two way street, and you both need to be working on it together.

© MInTheGap for Is This Modest?, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: communication, husband, lieswivesbelieve, understanding

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