Much of Proverbs can apply to both women and men equally. But there are many Proverbs about women that we can learn from more specifically to discover the details of ungodly femininity vs. godly femininity.

The first human woman to appear in Proverbs is the adulteress in chapter 2. The warnings are for men to avoid an adulterous woman.  But many of the warnings to men would also apply to us as we seek to avoid adulterous men, as well.  We can also look at the adulteress and examine our own lives to be sure we don’t pattern ourselves after her. Adultery always leads to destruction physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually for everyone involved – with children often paying the highest price. An extramarital affair – whether purely “emotional” or actually sexual  is something that is worth avoiding at all costs! 

GUARDING AGAINST ADULTERY IS UNNECESSARY – I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!

When I was a young newlywed 21 year old, I was extremely naive.  I believed that certain people were “above” certain sins.  But the longer I have lived and witnessed the behavior of people and seen the sinfulness of my own heart, the more I see and understand that if any person is far enough away from God, isolated enough from other believers, and has the right circumstances and temptation – we are all plenty capable of just about any evil.

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This morning I awoke to the both the birds and the rain. An instant smile hit my face as I knew spring was creeping slowly through the window with the rays of sunshine. It is very common for the idea of spring to describe new birth, fresh starts and a sense of rejuvenation, but for many women it means the count down is on to one of the biggest days of their lives. Their wedding day.

This day may have been in your minds since you were old enough to comprehend the thought of a white dress, marrying a handsome man and ultimately living the ever after seen in your favourite princess movie. What I have learnt over the past two years of my marriage is that this day was only the start. I had my day planned down to my earrings and barefoot feet but truly, in all honesty, did not prepare much more then the outward celebration that lasted 24 hours. My husband and I had been best friends since we were 15 and I thought that, when we married at 22, I knew who I was, who he was and how the rest of our lives would pan out. Well, as always, the Lord allowed unexpected emergencies, a crippling family crisis and now, just under two years later, a beautiful baby on the way.

This series is really coming from my walk the past two years. I have had such a desire to seek out the role of women in a marriage and in society, but believe my husband and I would have been much better off if I had started before we were married :) Because of that, I am excited to share with you what I have learnt and the lessons I have been taught to hopefully help you prepare your heart and your life for beyond the big day. Yes, your wedding day is a cause for immense celebration and there have been blogs written here about clothing options for brides and bridesmaids, but let’s together take it one more step further.

Let’s delve into your heart, talk about the reality of marriage, the beauty of being the woman in the relationship, but also the responsibility that being a wife holds and what you need to “put on” before you say your “I do’s”.

It is fascinating to me how much gentle power is inherent in every aspect of femininity.

THE POWER OF FEMININE CLOTHING

Modest, feminine clothing changed the way I felt about myself. There is something about the flowing fabrics, the beautiful colors, the softness and delicacy of feminine clothing that brings out a spirit of femininity in a woman and that brings out a spirit of masculinity in the men around her. I discovered that there is power in dressing like the woman that I am. To be clear, the power I am talking about is the incredible combination of femininity and modesty – femininity without modesty in public is brazen, immodest, overtly sensual, and ungodly.  There is definitely power in dressing femininely and seductively – but that is a power designed by God for a woman to use in the context of marriage alone to build unity in that sacred one-flesh relationship and is an extremely destructive force outside of marriage.  And just plain modesty without femininity can be frumpy, unattractive, unisex or even masculine and a woman loses the magic and attraction of femininity to men around her, including her husband.  The most constructive and influential use of femininity, in my view, is when it is paired gracefully with modesty!  Then there is the power, the allure, the attractiveness, the delicacy and beauty of femininity, but also the fresh breath of innocence, purity, joy and a secret cherishing of the preciousness of sexuality.

Dressing femininely AND modestly makes me feel differently – much softer, more gentle, more peaceful, more beautiful, more confident in myself and more womanly. Other people treat me differently – I have a lot more men holding doors open for me these days than I used to! My husband treats me differently.   He looks at me and smiles, recognizing me as being so wondrously different from himself.  My husband and I (and our children) are reminded continually by my clothing that I am the woman in our marriage, and that literally and figuratively “he wears the pants in the family.”
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Our culture amazes me sometimes.  A century or so ago, even the scandalous shows on the wrong side of town that were designed to tantalize men and were considered to be incredibly immodest featured women dressed much more modestly than many women today dress in public.

Men used to have to pay money just to see knees and thighs.  Now, they can see just about whatever they want to – or don’t want to - every day all day long in the media and out in public, even at the grocery store.

Young women learn that showing a lot of skin is sexy- and that to be beautiful and popular, they have to dress to be as sexy as possible.  This is even affecting very young girls now in middle school and elementary school – which is absolutely terrifying to me as a mom and as a woman.

Many girls think they are just being fashionable or cute.  They are completely unaware of how guys think and what they do with what they see.  They do not understand that the more skin a girl shows and the more of her female form she reveals, the more guys and men will willingly or unwillingly imagine having sex with her.  Most girls would be SHOCKED if they knew the thoughts their clothing choices were causing men to have about them.

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Have you started to think about prom dresses? What styles would you consider?

I remember a few years before my boys were ready to go to prom that as a Christian mom I started looking at prom dresses… and was I ever surprised! I told my friends that I would tell a young lady to go put some clothes on if she dressed so immodest – well, I was only able to tell one or two friends to be honest. (more…)

A common argument against the wearing of modest apparel is that it is nothing better than those that sell sexy clothing—both groups are objectifying women:

And, furthermore, this stupid idea that “modest is hottest” has come out. It’s preached repeatedly that women should dress modestly, but this is still sexualizing and objectifying women’s bodies. Each time I’m admonished to dress modestly out of concern for my Christian brothers and their purity, I’m being taught that I should expect to be objectified, that my body is something I ought to be ashamed of. The fact is that whether you are saying that a girl is hot because her entire chest is hanging out or that she is hot because she is covered up, you are still praising her for her body. This is objectification. I just for once want to hear that modesty is an issue of self-respect and not just out of “protecting my brothers in Christ.”  [Girls Aren’t Funny, Feminism, and Human Trafficking: Words I Think Need Said]

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A question regarding modest t-shirt ideas was recently posed to Is This Modest. I was asked to produce a short series on this topic and to explore a few of the angles this theme can entail. To begin I wanted to tackle the common concern of t-shirt length.

When I have no time to plan out a sweet outfit I immediately turn to my jeans and t-shirts. They are a comfort clothing to me and I always feel confident in a comfortable pair of jeans. My problem, and I’m sure yours’ also, comes with the low rise jeans and the waist length t-shirts. I have found that my t-shirts tend to hit right at my jean waist line meaning that any slight movement reveals midriff galore. You may disagree but the lower back and midriff are quite  sensual areas, hence lower back tattoos and belly baring tees. With this being so, these are areas I desire to keep covered and some of the latest fashions are not helping. Therefore let’s chat about a few strategies to help overcome the challenges of t-shirt shopping!

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