Photo by mssarabeth

Here’s another outfit that looks comfortable, and is fine as far as modesty is concerned in most situations. 

The top is nice and feminine with a translucent look of lace on the arms, plenty of fabric and it has good coverage.  The necklace is pretty, and I assume that it goes well with her eyes.

The belt and the boots match—something I didn’t know I was supposed to do and the jeans tucked in works for this look.

The jeans are not too tight (you can see some of the material has room to move) and there’s no fading or holes in it.

I have no problems with this look, and think that it’s comfortable and appropriate.  Though I know that some believe you must always wear a skirt if you’re a woman, I have no problem identifying this person as a member of the fairer sex and I don’t have a problem with modesty here.

Your thoughts?

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Post tags: belt, cowboy boots, jeans, necklace

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Some ideas:

• Give them $5 towards their grocery bill– I bet this would get quite the reaction!
• Buy them a candy bar– hey, if you didn’t last week!
• Offer them a tract
• Introduce yourself to them, get to know their name, where they are from, etc.
• Let them go ahead of you in line, even if they have more things.

The idea is to do something kind for someone that isn’t expecting it. Blog about it, and we’ll have a good time encouraging one another doing good things!

Of course, should you still want to participate but aren’t going shopping in the near future, you can still write about what has happened in your life in the past that you have been able to show kindness or kindness was shown to you! If you’re interested in this mission, or just participating, leave a comment and let us know which way you’re going to go!

View Weekend Kindness Entries as they Appear!

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Not even thinking about it, we paid him his token 15 dollars, and walked into the train station. A few minutes later, we could hear him calling something out to us. I realized I left my teeshirt in the rickshaw (how one accomplishes that, I’m not sure), but really, Rickshaw Man, you’re my hero.

But not all is fun and games. On the train ride home, I realized that we had forgotten to tip him. Alas, my own inexperience and naivety at the expense of others.

So, one of these days, I’m going to find him and give him a nice tip for all the kindness he bestowed upon us. I’d just like to say, if you ever read this, I’ll be finding you soon, Rickshaw Man. I’ll be finding you soon.

This man made an impact, and he was doing the right thing.  Next time you think that it takes a big act to show kindness, remember this story and the impact you can have with simple acts of kindness.

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Honey, I’m just getting on to check my e-mail.

The problem with the modern computer system and the modern male is that there’s a time vortex that envelopes your husband when he sits down behind the glowing screen.

He’s incapable of giving appropriate time estimates, because there’s always something to do while he’s trying to get something accomplished.

Take it from a guy in the computer industry.  I don’t know how many times I’ve though a project that I was working on would “only take 2-3 days” and it ends up taking a whole week.  No matter how much we prep for something taking a short period of time, it ends up taking longer.

So, instead of complaining that we’re on all the time, you may want to try one of the following ideas:

1. Get on the Computer Yourself: This works especially well if you only have one.  Not only will you show him what it feels like, but he can’t be on when you are.
2. Plan an activity:  If you’re headed out the door, it’s hard for them to stay online.
3. Entice him with a different activity: I’m sure you can be creative here—and that there’s something that could get him off faster.
4. Complain about the amount of time he’s on: This one is dangerous.  Done too much and he might just start ignoring you or become bitter.
5. Remember that Accident We Talked About: If the Internet or power accidentally went out…

Oh, and a word of warning.  If it’s you that are online all the time, beware that he finds this post and tries these on you!

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Rachel

Wife: "Sweetie, I’d like to watch Barefoot Contessa and see what she’s cooking today."
Hubby: "Great idea, I love Barefoot Contessa. And while we’re at it, maybe we can catch an episode of What Not to Wear."

I must confess.  I’ve watched a few episodes of What Not to Wear myself.  But then, the idea of spending $2,000 on such few articles of clothing and chopping off hair that took years to grow just started getting old.

What this one is getting at, I believe, is that men and women have different ideas of what makes entertainment.  And people usually like to have company when they watch television (even if they are the mind-numbed robot while the show is on).

Why does the guy lie about wanting to watch your shows?

My guess is that he wants the reciprocal treatment when he wants to watch an action flick.  He’s saying “I’ll watch this with you, if you’ll watch this with me.”  Or perhaps, he might just be wanting to have more time to play Video Games.  You never know.

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Post tags: lieswivesbelieve, television

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A common argument against the wearing of modest apparel is that it is nothing better than those that sell sexy clothing—both groups are objectifying women:

And, furthermore, this stupid idea that “modest is hottest” has come out. It’s preached repeatedly that women should dress modestly, but this is still sexualizing and objectifying women’s bodies. Each time I’m admonished to dress modestly out of concern for my Christian brothers and their purity, I’m being taught that I should expect to be objectified, that my body is something I ought to be ashamed of. The fact is that whether you are saying that a girl is hot because her entire chest is hanging out or that she is hot because she is covered up, you are still praising her for her body. This is objectification. I just for once want to hear that modesty is an issue of self-respect and not just out of “protecting my brothers in Christ.”  [Girls Aren’t Funny, Feminism, and Human Trafficking: Words I Think Need Said]

If it were not for the fact that men were attracted to women’s bodies we would not have a problem with modest clothing.  I’m reminded of this fact every time I go to my children’s swim class.  The boys wear long shorts and sometimes shirts/rash guards.  The girls wear form fitting suits or two-pieces.  At that age, there’s little visible difference between to two sexes, and yet the two are trained from even this young age that girls show more of their form when swimming than boys.

Objectification Begins

I’m not sure when objectification really starts, but what I am sure of is that it is a two way street.  What I mean by this is that men do objectify women, but women permit this activity—and I would say they even encourage it.

Just look at who the female roll models are for little girls growing up—who do the little girls want to be?

• They want to be the cheerleader, the girl getting attention in her short skirt doing all kinds of acrobatics.
• They want to be the “class queen” that gets all the attention of the boys.
• They want to be a supermodel or actress, and live a glamorous lives they see depicted on television.

We do not (usually) see them dreaming about being a stay at home mom with 4 kids in tow running to the supermarket in a mini-van because they just ran out of milk and the youngest is crying up a storm.  They are the princesses, not the servant girls.

The Realization of the Power of the Female Form

It does not take long for young girls to realize that the pretty girls are the ones that get attention—and the prettier they are, the more skin they show, and the more they flirt the more attention they get.  It’s a drug, a vicious cycle, and the problem is that this need for attention (and receiving it from a source that is improper) is feeding men’s objectification and taking it to new levels.

As women show more, flirt more, and are more receptive to the depravity of man, it takes more to attract man’s attention.  The fact that men can now see and be exposed to the female form in all states of undress and immorality for free from the privacy of their own home has done nothing but hurt women in many ways.

So, what does modesty try to do?  The modesty movement, “Modest is hottest” and the like, attempts to return women to a sense of control by stopping the cycle.  By unveiling what is happening in men’s minds, the hope is that women will see it and be repulsed and turn away—desiring attention from appropriate sources instead of getting it through “primal urges”.

And yet I can see where this appears objectifying in and of itself—it states that there is power in the female form over a man’s mind.  Does anyone really dispute this?  Even in Song of Solomon (long before the Internet), the wife of Solomon was rejoicing in her physical features and that hers were better than those of her sister.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

So, let’s recognize the problem, and whether you dress modestly because you want to stop men from lusting after you (objectifying men to some degree, it could be argued) or out of self respect, let us all agree that this has gone too far and start to try to walk this back—if it still is possible.

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Post tags: modesty, objectification

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This is a very common look, and from a modesty standpoint it has a lot of things going for it.

This outfit says comfortable.  It’s something that you see fits the person and it looks relaxed.  It fits in place with the environment around it.

The shirt she is wearing is long, and the shirt or jacket over top does a good job of looking neat as well as being modest.

The jeans aren’t terribly tight, but it’s hard to get jeans that fit that don’t appear to show features on guys or girls without swimming in them.  It’s perfectly acceptable to be in jeans on the farm or in the country—even Bob Jones University allowed female students to wear jeans when hiking or riding horseback on an outing!

I like this look, and I think that it works!

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Post tags: cowgirl, jeans

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One of the highest forms of pride is the idea that I need only be concerned about myself and that I need not worry about those around me or how my actions will affect them.  We see this in young children all the time—they want what they want when they want it, and if they don’t get it they make sure that they are heard.

When women are confronted with the idea that how they dress affects a man, the common response is, “Well, he should control himself!”  broken_pieces shares on her blog, it’s important that when we act, we take into account how our actions will impact others:

I had all the good intentions when dressing, to please myself and God. I never had intentions to provoke men. But does that really matter?

Pastor Al Martins once said, the purity of  your motive does not negate the effects of your actions. That means, that inasmuch as I was dressing with pure motives, the fact that I was a stumbling block to many men cannot go unnoticed, rather ignored by God. Heb 10:24 tells us to provoke one another unto love and good works. But what do we do when we dress scantily or less modest? We are putting our brothers in a compromising situation and even though they have a personal responsibility to be pure we are not helping them in any way. We are provoking them to lust, to covet that which is not theirs and to probably fall into the sin of adultery or fornication because of that small mini or LBD.  Christ said if you look at a woman lustfully, you have already committed adultery with her. Then again, adultery is not one way, it is two way. The person who lusted and the person who caused the lust are both on the wrong.  Christ said woe unto the man whose hand causes sin. So like Robbert G. Spinney, I will ask, ‘are you an accessory to adultery?’  Do you participate in the breaking up of other people’s homes by the way you dress?

[Modesty – Woman’s Thorn  via Christian Femininity]

While I totally believe that the man is responsible for allowing himself to succumb to temptation, I ask the female readers, is it right to exercise your liberty and become that temptation to the men around you?  Is this something that helps to build up and edify, or is this an exercise of pride?

We must make sure that our heart attitude toward modesty is correct, before we can actually see that purity reflected in our lives!

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Post tags: motives, purity, results

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Photo by johnsmithapril031988

One modern style that is great for modesty is pictured at right.  The sweater over the shirt that is left not tucked in is a great look for two reasons:

• The sweater is nice and bulky with a dress shirt underneath and it also allows for good contrast.
• The shirt tails hanging out cover the bottom and the front, and also provide contrast.

We’re not able to see the skirt length, but assuming that it’s a decent length, this outfit works for a casual setting, a date, or even in most business-casual workplaces.

The only thing I would caution here is the material of the skirt.  It looks from this picture like it might be tight.  Straight skirts can be tight, and so you may want to consider something with a bit more mobility or something that doesn’t hug your form too much.

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Post tags: shirt, skirt, sweater

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Mia Bellina, one of the stores that we’re affiliates for here at Is This Modest, is announcing the arrival of their sister company, Exclusive Hue, where they believe you’ll find hundreds of modest styles and more.

They have provided an offer code “WIN30” that will get you 30% off your first order, but the code expires Jan 31, 2012—so you’ll want to hurry up and use it soon!

We’ll highlight some of their items in the coming days/weeks.

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This had mixed results. Some verses weren’t exactly encouraging! One counselor was talking about what had happened and wondered why a verse like “Be sure your sin will find you out” was on his bed! Without giving away that I was the instigator, I tried to say that it was the thought that counts.

Your mission for this weekend, if you choose to accept, is to purchase a candy bar (does not have to be elaborate or big) and attach some kind of encouraging writing– be it a verse, poem, limmrick or joke– and place it for someone to find but not let them know it’s from you! Write about the experience– what did it feel like getting it ready? Were you able to see their reaction? Did they find you out? What did you learn about the experience?

Of course, should you still want to participate but don’t have access to candy or don’t have the time, you can still write about what has happened in your life in the past that you have been able to show kindness or kindness was shown to you! If you’re interested in this mission, or just participating, leave a comment and let us know which way you’re going to go!

View Weekend Kindness Entries as they Appear!

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I applied for the opportunity to live in a community in a Latin American country for two weeks without being aware of what I would be exposed to, what feelings I would feel, who I would meet and what I would eat. It was an unknown world to me and a plunge into the unknown. Change is hard and being placed in new environment that is unlike what one is used to is a challenge itself.

When we first arrived to Panama we were taken into a Vincentian Formation Center in which we were welcomed with love and a lot of Panamanian food. We found a world of great hospitality with our hosts and in my heart I felt that they went the extra mile to make us feel welcomed. I personally felt that they did not have to do that and felt troubled expressing my gratitude for their hospitality. Everyone in the group was grateful and amazed at the great kindness that was demonstrated by the Panamanians. Through my journey I found Panamanians to be kind and unselfish. They provide the best for their guests even if they did not have much to provide. They received satisfaction as one accepted their act of kindness and to say, “No, Thank you” would bring disappointment and lack of respect to them. God was present in every person that provided us with any commodity to make us feel welcomed and comfortable in the foreign land. The Panamanians taught me that I did not have to be rich to be happy. Whether we have a lot or a little, it is significant to make something out of nothing in this life. They taught me to be humble and modest in my society. I learned to accept as well as to give. Panamanians are role models and they helped me to overcome the challenge of being uncomfortable with hospitality and to share what blessings I have been given with my community.

It’s amazing what kindness to those that we do not know or who are different then us can do to a person.  We may never know the total impact that our simple acts of kindness may have on others.  Let this be an encouragement to you to demonstrate kindness in even the most mundane circumstances, and especially to people that may not be like you!

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Wife: "Honey, is it OK if I don’t put on make-up today?"
Hubby: "I didn’t even notice you weren’t wearing any."

Whoops!  I don’t think anything says “I’m not really paying attention to you” than saying that you don’t think she looks different after all the time she spends in front of the mirror. 

She’s trying to look good—for you and the other people that she’ll come into contact with, and she knows how much work it is.

My question—does the wife really need to ask this question?  I mean, she already knows that he sees her with makeup and without—and obviously loves her either way.  So, it all boils back down to, who is she trying to impress, and if he’s going to react this way, is it worth the extra work?

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Post tags: lieswivesbelieve, makeup

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Hubby: “<Insert name of male neighbor> is only going to stay and play <insert name of random video game> for a few minutes.”

The truth of the matter is that he will have that friend/neighbor over as long as he can—or at least as long as it takes for him to win it at least once.

Why? Because men are competitive by nature. They want to show off their new game, and they want to beat you at it. Nothing says “I’m a bigger guy” than besting someone at a game where you are represented by pixels on a screen.

To get in on this one, simply learn to play the game too—that way you’ll get involved. Either that, or master the art of the “accidental” power outage.

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Post tags: lieswivesbelieve, video games

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Some of you that read this blog are bloggers yourselves.  Some of you have Facebook accounts, Google Circles, Tumblrs or other means of communicating.

For this challenge, I’d love for you to, sometime this week, write a post about a time that you were blessed by the kindness of someone else around you—someone you know or that you don’t know.

Link to this site, or let us know where to find your post in the comments below. 

Come back next week to see our next challenge!

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One of my first blogs I created was a take off of a meme that I followed—I wanted to encourage people to be kind and practice random acts of kindness.  To that end, I encouraged people to do different acts of kindness and blog about it.

From there, I branched into talking about kindness—highlighting kind things around the Internet and talking about how you can show kindness and build relationships.

As part of being modest is showing humility and kindness, this shows outgrowth in our relationships.  So it would make perfect sense to encourage you and me to be kind and to spread this kindness all around.

So, every Saturday you’ll get a challenge to complete before the next week as well as bit of encouragement on kindness!

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Rachel

Hubby, on the first Saturday of college football season: "Don’t worry, sweetie, I’m only going to watch one game today."

The funny thing is, this one sounds awfully like a story that my pastor tells about when he got married.  His wedding day was shortly before Jan 1st, and all of you that like to watch bowl games know that this was bound to cause a problem.

His family was used to watching all the games all day.  His wife didn’t even know what football was.  And they were on their honeymoon.

The truth is, that whether it’s football or some other thing that a husband wants to do, he’s saying part what he thinks you want to hear, part what he has set for a goal, and part what he knows (if he sat down to think about it) what will probably will not happen.

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Post tags: football, honeymoon, lieswivesbelieve

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The idea for the site was two fold:

First, we’ll take a look at the husband/wife dynamic as it pertains to the communication between husband and wife—in a funny way, of course.

Second, we’ll take a look at some of the things that wives believe about themselves, and try to shine a light on the truth of the situation.

As part of Is This Modest, we’ll be be looking at the married relationship and seeing how we can be modest (inside and out) with respect to our married lives.  I’m hoping that, along the way, we’ll get more wives to contribute what they’ve learned, and singles can also get information about the lives they may be headed into.

While some of the content may look the same as what is on Lies Wives Believe, I will be reviewing and editing it all to make it fit with this purpose.

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Post tags: Introduction, lieswivesbelive

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