Modesty Just Doesn’t Seem Fair to Women

Many women don’t give much thought to modesty at all.  And those who do may have the feeling that if men were just “better” or “more like women” or “not cads” then we wouldn’t have to fuss with all of this modesty stuff.  It can seem from a woman’s perspective that men just need “more self control” and everything would be fine.

I would like to challenge the notion that men are inherently “pigs,” “cads,” and “crude Neanderthals.”  What is unfair is to expect men to act like women, and it is unfair to expect women to act like men.

Men and women are very different spiritually/emotionally/physically.  Feminism in the past few decades would have us all believe that we are not just of equal value but that we are the same except for a few genital details.  That is just not true!

Neuroscience has been blowing the lid off of that sameness theory as the medical community is finding some of the many differences in brain structure and function that begin way before birth and that give us distinctly female or male brains and neurochemistry- not to mention the differences in sex hormones that affect our brains, muscles, nerves, pain-sensitivity, skin and every organ in the body. (for an in-depth study on this, check out “His Brain, Her Brain” by Dr. and Mrs. Larimore)

God made men to be highly visual so that (among other things), in marriage, a man will be drawn to his wife even when they have had a disagreement and she is still upset and cold towards him.  His visual nature gives him the motivation to work through disagreements and to listen to his wife’s feelings and emotions (something he would not normally be inclined to do) in order to re-establish their unity physically. The way a wife is wired to be so sensitive to emotions makes sure that the couple re-establishes the unity and oneness of their relationship emotionally and spiritually.   His strength of being highly visual gives him the patience and willingness to put up with her irrational hormones, volatile emotions and her need for emotional connection and dialogue – needs of ours that men generally don’t share.

I am sure that from a male perspective, it doesn’t seem very fair that they have to deal with all of our weaknesses, either!  But this isn’t about being fair – it’s about understanding each other, building one another up and doing what is best for the other, bearing with each other’s weaknesses – and about marriage making us stronger together and more like Christ than we could be individually.

The problem today is that our culture has gone so far down the path of promiscuity, pornography and sensual clothing and images that there is entirely too much visual temptation for men on an almost constant basis.  Life wasn’t like this in the past and in most cultures in history.  In the past, a man could avoid certain areas of town or certain stores and not be bombarded with sexual images.  Now, it takes a man of incredible determination and faith in God to keep his mind constantly pure and to teach himself to avert his eyes every time he sees a provocatively dressed woman.

Modesty is a gift we can give to men – a moment of relief from the constant sea of sensuality.  Our modesty and femininity evokes the most noble, gallant, chivalrous reactions from men and makes them desire to protect, cherish and adore us as women.  Yes, it is a bit of a hassle to try to find modest clothing sometimes.  But there are many beautiful and affordable choices and it is worth it for us as women to be slightly inconvenienced in order to keep our brothers in Christ from stumbling into a death spiral of sin that could destroy their marriages and their relationships with God.

I am honored to be able to know that I can so easily keep from being a stumbling block to the sons that God loves so dearly.  How could I do anything less once I know the problem?

Men are designed by God to represent Christ’s love for the church in the marriage relationship.  I love to think that Christ always has His eyes on us.  He is always looking for the beauty in us.  He watches us constantly.  Husbands love to look at their wives, too.

It is a good thing that God made men the way they are.  The only bad part is that when we are living in a corrupted culture, the temptations are incredible for our precious husbands.  They need and deserve our support, prayers, respect and love as they navigate this extremely difficult road.

Women are highly verbal and yet we don’t hear men condemning us and saying we are less spiritual because we love to hear and read that we are loved.  Women are not “better” because they aren’t as visual as men.  We are different. We love romance novels and love letters.  We have our own set of weaknesses and strengths that are in direct opposition to the weaknesses and strengths of men.

God intentionally made us that way so that where each one is weak, the other is strong.  And both husbands and wives must stretch and grow outside of their own comfort zones and become more and more godly as they mature in their marriages.

God made women to represent the Church and the relationship of Christ to those who love Him.  The Church depends heavily on the printed Word of God to know and love Him.  We can’t see Christ.  We depend on His presence and His character as well as the Bible to help us learn who He is and to help us love Him more and more as well as to show us how deeply He loves us.

We fall in love with our husbands by their words and also by their Christ-like actions.  What turns on a woman is when her man is generous, faithful, loving, kind, forgiving, humble, self-sacrificing, wise, strong, a gracious leader, merciful and gentle.

I’m so thankful that God made women to be more emotional, more relationship-oriented, more tender-hearted and more verbal.  We are like thermostats that are constantly gauging the temperature of the relationship and we are often the first to realize that there is something wrong that needs to be addressed.

Our temperaments and needs keep our husbands from simply using us as sexual objects.  Our husbands must learn to treat us kindly, respectfully, unselfishly and gently so that we can be receptive to them physically.  Without the strengths and weaknesses of each gender in marriage, it just wouldn’t work well at all!

We are each made in a very specific way by God in order to bring glory to Him and to bring the greatest potential for fulfillment, joy and cooperation in marriage.  I pray that we might embrace the way God has designed us to be uniquely male and female and celebrate the differences and relish in the mystery of marriage representing the incredible relationship between Christ and His Bride.

I am a Christian wife of almost 18 years, a mother of 2, a part time pharmacist and I have a passion for seeing women implement God's design in their marriages and watching Him do miracles as they learn to seek Him and obey His Word. To read more about godly femininity, godly marriage, modesty, respect, submission and God's design for marriage, you are welcome to visit peacefulwife and peacefulsinglegirl