Facebook Photos – Sexy or Sweet?

Sexy Facebook photos? Count on it!

Girls–in general–are placing sexy photos online, particularly Facebook pages. If you are a parent you MUST be diligent to check-out your child’s photos, but also your child’s friends’ photos. I know, you really don’t want to be known as the ‘stalker parent.’ But the alternative, of not checking the photos out, can be you choosing to let lewd, lustful photos slide and be posted online that can very easily damage your child’s reputation and also could draw predators to your child’s page.

We don’t like to think about this, because it forces us to realize that our children are growing up and frankly they can be making some not so wise choices. Also, many parents don’t know what is happening on the popular online sites, and they will laughingly say, “I don’t have time for that.”

Looking Deeper At Our Parenting

But at a deeper level in a parent’s heart, the real reason is that they get involved is that they don’t want to know. When you know, you are accountable and this can bring up conflict between you and your child. Parenting is hard, and understandably no parent wants to make the job harder. But we also must face our God given responsibility of training our children up in godly wisdom. What better way can we guide them than in watching what they are doing, showing, and saying! Now let me be clear – I am not talking about day and night censorship. You have to trust God. This means you are going to trust Him in working in your life and in the life of your child. The Holy Spirit is a really great observer. Matter of fact, He doesn’t miss anything. Parents are more effective when they lean on Him to prompt them for times when they need to take a closer look. (This is how some parents get the reputation that they have eyes in the back of their head and ear’s like tigers.)

What were they thinking? Fame, trophies, pride, winning!

My teenage son passed by the television when the show, Dance Moms, was having a new season preview commercial. The comment he made was telling! “And, you want to know why there are so many child porn people?” he said, touching the landing of the stairs and quickly exited the room. For me, his comment hung in the air like a freshly burned dish. The costumes on this girls really stunk. The girls did look like hookers ready to walk down a city red-light district. And the dance moves were even more alluring: these little nine to twelve year old girls sexily sashayed across the stage. To think that mothers paid to have their child taught to be a trained nightclub stripper was amazing!

Then I looked at my daughter and saw her lying on the sofa in her typical t-shirt and jeans outfit. My daughter’s style is modern, artsy and modest. I am quite thankful to God I have not had to battle this issue with my children, but it isn’t just a luck of the stars. I have been slowly -little by little- teaching them since they where young.

Training Begins Young

I can’t forget the time our old daughter, so sweet at age four, proudly walked into the kitchen stark naked except for a bright pink cap. She even struck a fancy pose! Quickly and calmly,  I told our sons to look away and then I snatched up my little princess and brought her to her room. Gently, I explained that it is NEVER appropriate to come out of her room undressed. Simultaneously, my husband taught our boys to never look upon a girl that is not clothed; they have a choice to make and the right one is to turn their head.

A few years later we dealt with “hooker girl” cartoon characters in a Japanese magna books. If you haven’t seen them don’t look them up but the early middle school (6th grade/11 year olds) in our town became magna cartoon book crazy. Even though we homeschool my daughters’ friends who attend school introduced her to some of the thirty minute cartoon videos. The characters were drawn with garter belt objects on their upper arm, low plunging necklines, and short sassy skirts with hose and high heels. Can you say, “hooker”?

My heart cringed!

I did not want to discuss girls that dance to make money or girls that walk the street. But she cried when I said she couldn’t look at the books or video and wanted to know why. I’ve always been honest, so once again I had ‘a talk’ with my daughter but this time I was teaching her something way before she needed to be informed. She was still innocent about these things, and I was forced to lightly introduce her to a sad, sinful part of life. I was brief and didn’t go into much detail.

So What About Online Photos?

Over the years, I continually check out a lot of photos on Facebook, especially on my nieces, nephews, and children’s friends’ pages. Pictures tell a lot about a person. If a girl feels comfortable posing in front of a camera or phone barely dressed in a sexual, compromising way, it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to know what she has been exposed to and what she might consider acceptable, normal behavior. I am not a prude. I don’t live by inches (like precisely measured lengths) or require carefully scripted photos.

But  through photos, I can see trouble from a distance. Looking helps me to parent, informs me when I have to be more careful about certain friends of my children, and gives me teachable moment.

As in the example of my daughter when she was so little shows, being comfortable with your own body is a natural feeling. We don’t want to’ freak out’ our children so that they will not be prepared for intimacy in their marriage, but we additionally don’t want to rush their childhood or literally endanger them with unsavory ‘friends’.

What’s a Parent to do?

Try it- take an hour to browse through the photos of friends on Facebook. If you have young relatives, look at their pictures. Don’t be a parent that thinks if you don’t look it isn’t really happening. Make yourself aware. And lean on God, pray, read Scripture and talk with you husband to determine the best way to talk with your children if you discover something that needs to be addressed.

And if you are a young lady that has placed these kinds of photos on Facebook ask yourself this question, “What does the photo communicate to men?” Is it a godly message? Could it cause someone to be sexually attracted? From a women who has been married happily now for 27+ years, I promise, you will never have to convince a man that you are sexually attractive, but you may have to tell several men you are not sexually available. Don’t show-off what isn’t available! Save yourself for your special ‘just-for-you’ husband. Your sex appeal is for his eyes only. And this private intimacy will go a long way to helping you have a healthily, happy marriage.

Lindy Abbott Writer for an Audience of One, wanting to encourage others to know God intimately. She is an adult survivor of child abuse, living victorious wanting to give hope to others who hurt. She home schools her three teens and lives with her husband of 27 years in Tennessee. She writes freelance articles, co-authors other's memoirs for ministry, and is editor for Jonathan's Arrow, a homeschool newsletter. You can read more of her writings at www.lindylou-abbott.blogspot.com and www.abuseandtraume-hope.blogspot.com.