Wounded By Church

Often when we reach out for or turn to the church after crisis, we are looking for fellowship which is promoted as a wonderful part of  local churches. Many churches aim to be as outgoing and friendly as possible to visitors, but often this can change after we attend for several months or even years. Many people have a group of good friends and family members at church and aren’t interested in expanding their circle. Also the more you spend time with people the freshness wears off and you begin to see their faults. At first people seem solid, growing or even able to serve in the ministry, but they are really hurting, struggling or needing someone to ministry to them.

What is a church to do? How can they possibly help so many hurting and needy people? And how do so many people actual get wounded by regular church members?

We need to examine whom we trust, place our expectations in and dependence on for our needs.

While the church and friends are called to be the hands and feet of God, we all must learn people can’t replace God or substitute for Him. When we realize that God is all we have, we often discover He is all we need! It is through knowing Him more and allowing Him to breathe into our soul we are able to heal, get our life on track, and eventually be a friend to others.

I am a person who has hurt deeply. I have felt wounded by churches. I have longed for loving friendships with Christians and been let down. If you have also, I want you to know that GOD is enough. He is sufficient. He will listen and talk and love. Fellowship others is important but it never tops our personal relationship with God.

When we have horrible seasons in life, we are easily hurt. Often we don’t realize how needy and venerable we are. We unconsciously compare ourselves to other church members and families, and feel intimated or self-conscious of our own sin. I have learned very few people will love you like family. I have no strong family ties, practically no weak ones either, so I know what it is like to have no one physically come to me when I need help the most, but I will testify that GOD has never failed to come.

And in due time, when I am ready, He brings the people I need in my life, for each season. Often He is waiting for me to run to Him!

If you have been wounded by a church or know someone who won’t attend church because of being hurt, a person’s relationship to God is what needs strengthening. I would highly recommend Kay Arthur’s Bible Study, “Lord, I want to know you” and “Lord, Heal My hurts.”

I truly don’t believe a person who has believed God (as He says He is in the Bible) and made a personally decision to trust Him completely with their life, can ever “walk away” from their relationship with God. We are sons and daughters for life; we have a permanent relationship with God through Christ Jesus. We are a new creation born from God’s Spirit and sealed by the Holy Spirit Who will never ever leave us. So we can walk away all we want feeling negatively about religion and pain from church experiences, but we just can’t ever get out of God or get God out of us. He doesn’t let go. He hold us when we give up or give out.

Relationship and fellowship are two different things. I will always be in a reconciled relationship with God once I confess to be so with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus is the Lord and Christ. But through disappointment, crisis, hurt, rejection, etc. and our own sinful choices, we can walk out of fellowship with Him.

When someone walks away and never looks back, they never knew God; truly knew God as He describes Himself in Scripture, and trusted in Him to be their Lord and Savior in repentance, turning toward Him and away from sin. In the end, only God knows the heart’s condition. When a person has been wounded by church they need to remember a church is simply a group of people that will never  be perfect, but God is always exactly what we need!

Lindy Abbott Writer for an Audience of One, wanting to encourage others to know God intimately. She is an adult survivor of child abuse, living victorious wanting to give hope to others who hurt. She home schools her three teens and lives with her husband of 27 years in Tennessee. She writes freelance articles, co-authors other's memoirs for ministry, and is editor for Jonathan's Arrow, a homeschool newsletter. You can read more of her writings at www.lindylou-abbott.blogspot.com and www.abuseandtraume-hope.blogspot.com.