I’m Modest Because I Have to Be

It might be that we have “controlling parents” or it might be that we live in a place where modesty is enforced, but for whatever reason we have to be modest, this is what I consider one of the weakest motivations for modesty—and one that will crumble when the external actor is no longer present.

The other day I overheard a conversation that was happening behind me at work.  It somehow turned to what would be worn to different people’s funerals, and one of the men there said that he wanted to be dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and have a keg present at his funeral, because that’s how he lived his life—he wouldn’t wear a suit now, and he definitely didn’t want to wear a suit then.

External Rules

We have different influences on our life.

• Society places some of the basic ones on us—dictating what body parts have to be covered to avoid indecent exposure and what it considers appropriate in different venues.
• Your workplace may have a further restricting set of rules.
• Your place of worship might have things that they approve you wearing.
• Your parents (if you still live at home) may not let you out of the house wearing certain things.

Each of these sets of rules that are imposed on us from the outside are like the guy that wants to wear the t-shirt and shorts instead of the customary suit and tie.

Like the little child who complies to the command while talking back, there’s a rebellion going on inside the person.  They will not hesitate to wear what they want when they feel like they can get away with it, and they will push the rules that they are under as far as they can to see what they can get away with.

The Fashion Industry

This is how you have the bikini going from something that even models would not wear to something that a majority of women feel that they have to wear.  This is how you have a fashion industry fixated on showing off at least one part of the female anatomy that was once considered private.

The fashion industry is only as modest as they have to be, and they’re constantly trying to appeal to that inner rebellion that wants to show off something more than someone else, or that wants to look “better” or “more attractive” than that other person.

The rebellion goes two ways—against authority and against others.

Against authority is the prime reaction, it’s at the basis of Eve of the Bible’s sin in eating the fruit so she could be as God.

Against others is the competition for attention, which is the outgrowth of an unhealthy desire to look good.  I’m choosing my words carefully here—I’m not saying that all desire to look good is unhealthy, but when that desire grows into wanting attention and to look better than everyone else, you have sins of envy and jealousy at work, and that is not good!

A Word of Warning to Parents

Since this motive is the weakest, you need to understand that, while your son or daughter is in your home you may demand modesty from them, but this demand alone may lead to internal rebellion and tangible rebellion when they leave your home.  I’m convinced that many of the more shocking styles around today aren’t because parents allowed freedom, but that the child rebelled because they were just told to do something externally.

As we look at other motives for modesty, you’ll find them stronger and more lasting than this one, and there is where I’d focus my time.

I'm a 35 year old guy married to the most beautiful woman in the world (VirtuousBlonde) for 10 years, and has 5 mostly adorable children-- depending on whether they've had a nap, of course. I'm a software developer by trade, though I like to write on various topics. I got my start in blogging at MInTheGap in 2004 writing about culture, politics and got started talking about modesty on this site just 3 years ago.