Being Modest Does Not Give Us Right to Judge
It’s an easy thing to do. We look at others that differ from us and we make judgments about them—it happens in the blink of an eye.
And it happens within those that wish to be modest at an alarming rate.
Since this site started and I’ve been paying attention to the modesty movement, I’ve witnessed judgment up close and first hand. And I’m not talking about the question we all face—about whether a given item shows too much skin or whether it causes temptation.
I’m talking going beyond that and into the realm of the person and their character.
And it’s an easy thing to do, because what we show on the outside is a reflection on our inner person—regardless of whether we want it to be or not.
Judgment usually comes in one of two veins…
She’s Immodest, Which Means She’s Really Bad
The first is what the modest community imposes on the society in general. Many times we mix the person with what they wear. We say that a person who wears a short skirt, a low-cut top or bikini is necessarily someone of lesser character. It’s part because we wouldn’t do that or that we link that clothing to a certain “type of person.”
The problem with this is that it isn’t always the case. Sometimes it could be “what the person’s always known”. Sometimes it’s because of social conditioning.
We need to be careful that we don’t interpret motive. Yes, there are women that are wearing that low-cut top specifically to attract men, but that’s not always the case.
She’s Wearing Skirts, She Thinks She’s Better Than Us
The second happens the other way around. This happens when there’s a woman in your group that’s decided to always wear skirts or to wear hats in church. All of a sudden this woman is seen to fell that she’s better than everyone else, and therefore becomes someone that people no longer talk with, or that is singled out.
But this is part of the result of what we just discussed. There are women that look down on those that don’t dress to their standard—and people in both groups paint everyone in the other group as just like the worst that they’ve experienced.
But Why?
We can’t change other people, but we can change what we do. We can stop the judging. We can choose to not look down on someone else because they don’t dress how we think is right. We can choose not to look down on someone who dresses up—to not infer that they somehow think that they are better than us.
Instead, we should have open, honest dialog, and we should also look to build strength between us. It’s important to listen to one another, and not to rush to judgment.
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I see this happening often too.
Instead of people going up to people and showing them love when they are dressed immodestly, they talk and whisper about the person. They start to think less of them. They don’t realize that maybe they really are trying their best to live for God but haven’t reached that step yet of changing how they appear in different ways (personality or physically or etc. . .) They don’t even try to guide them into the right direction.
I had just done a youth lesson on modesty for both males and females last week (which got more guys approval for speaking on their behalf) and one of the things I ended with was that If I have or will approach them about something they wear (because I realize how unaware they are of how people react to them), that it is because I have been hurt by how immodestly I used to dress while still wanting to please God and do right. It is because I care and love them, that I will approach them to let them know perhaps why something they are wearing MIGHT cause an issue. ultimately, it is their choice to decide if it is modest or not, not mine. I think they were happy with how I said it because often I will get one of my teen girls going up to me in short skirts asking me if it is too short. I’ll say, “Do you think it is too short?” and they will respond with why or why not it isn’t. Depending on the response I will say, “Well it COULD cause someone to think about you in a sexual way and lust after you. Is it right to cause someone else to sin?” and they’ll say, “no.” and I’ll say, “the decision then for you is to think of what you are wearing is more pleasurable to man or God then.” It does make my heart ache though how they might say, “I got a bikini yesterday and my dad approved.” . . I will respond with, “oh. well does it still make you uncomfortable?” and they have said, “I like it. I’m going to wear it.” So I keep my mouth shut because they know better and have their minds made up. I don’t understand how parents could okay certain obvious immodest clothing. :: sigh ::
AHH!!!!!!
Victoria/Justice Pirate´s last post ..Male Modesty
On the contrary I believe it is critical that we let women who do not follow religious laws of modesty know how they are affecting the men around them as well as their own souls. If a woman purports to care about G-d at all, she must be informed of what His will is for how she covers her body. In my religion the laws are a bit more well-defined than in Christianity, I think, but regardless it seems like we are so quick to “not judge” to the point where we are not showing other women the virtue that can be found in covering. There is no shame in sharing with other women that the clothing they are wearing is distracting and shows they don’t respect themselves.
Dina @ Married at 12´s last post ..How we explain things to our kids