What Do Christian Guys Honestly Think of Modest Women?
October 26, 2010 by MInTheGap
Filed under The Male Mind
Visited 2724 times, 1 so far today
God created the male mind to be attracted to the female form. No male has to be trained to find a girl attractive, and it’s the first thing that a man notices about a woman.
When a man walks down the street, he’s got an uncanny sense of those that are walking around them, and can quickly size up whether they find them attractive. It’s said that a man knows within 20 seconds whether or not a woman is attractive simply by looking at their face.
Many men do not stop there, and will take in the “whole view” and make their decision then.
The Challenge
For the Christian male, part of the challenge is to take this inner sense and not to let it go from “oh, there’s a girl, she’s attractive” and let it get from there to “I wish that she were going home with me tonight.” This is what Christ referred to after the Sermon on the Mount when He stated that looking at a woman to lust after her was the same as committing adultery.
The whole industry of pornography is a sinful amplification of this tendency of the male to look at something, get aroused and then want to act on that arousal.
I say all this not to be off putting, but to put the challenge bluntly.
The Reason Why It’s Difficult
The current Western Society does not make this task any easier as it uses the female form to sell everything from shampoo to health insurance to houses through advertisements on bill boards and television. But if that weren’t enough, society has convinced women that they must display their body in order to fit in.
That means that, for the guy, an average trip to the mall, to the beach or just walking down the street in town presents a difficulty—he will see or notice every woman that passes (unless he can keep his mind otherwise engaged), and he must remember that he must keep his mind pure.
All right, But You Still Haven’t Answered the Question
Ok, fair enough. The modest woman is different in that she does not present the challenge that those that choose to wear underwear in public present. The man’s old nature is not tempted to see how much he can see because the woman intentionally keeps what is private private.
One of the best things a woman that seeks to be modest can do is to wear clothing that draws attention to the face… That is where the man’s focus should be placed.
So, to sum it up in a word, a man finds a modest woman as comforting, and he’s grateful.
Is That All?
Well, no, because I lump this together with the idea that modesty helps a man see the woman for who she is, not what she is. There is a big difference between how a man views an immodest woman compared to a modest woman.
An immodest woman is like an open invitation to all that would look. It’s like a public performance. She is telling the world something about her character, or lack thereof.
I’m not saying that every girl that wears something that shows a bit of her thigh or her cleavage is intentionally equating herself to someone who “works the street,” but the male mind will see “sex.”
A modest woman is like a private invitation to get to know the girl more. There’s a beauty there that is not cheap. It’s the motivation to open the door for her, to put your jacket on top of a mud puddle1 and to fight for her honor.
I mean, what honor is there when everything’s on display.
Did that answer the question? Are there any follow ups?
- Did men every really do this? [↩]
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I’m with you on all of this. well said.
I like how you classified each part with headlines. It’s a very casual way of writing and very inviting of conversations.
I am thankful for the men out there who are making a bold effort to not only help themselves through Christ in resisting temptation but to also educate other people about the dangers of pornography and everything else that comes close to it. Before I met my husband, I was convinced that men were powerless in this area and nothing can be of solution (oh me of little faith). I am glad that God brought my husband to my life who is very open to confess about his weaknesses and determined to eradicate what causes him to lust. God is sovereign over all things, and He gives us the tools to keep our minds, hearts, and bodies pure.
Bless you and this website’s resources!
Thank you for your comment.
Did they? Did men ever put there jacket on a mud puddle? I don’t mean for the Queen either… :)
P.S. Thanks for the encouraging article.
Looks as if this is just a parable? Who knows!
I suppose it’s not eternally important, but I didn’t know if guys would actually go to such lengths or not. :) I just hope no one ever does that for me because I would immediately react, “OH! Your nice jacket!! It will be ruined!!” Thus, devaluing his gallant service.
I guess it all depends on the girl and the puddle. Since when did mud ruin a jacket?
I guess that’s true. I suppose it would wash out.
If the mud puddle is small enough to cover with a jacket, can’t she just walk around it? LoL
Well if she can walk around it, can’t she just open her own door, pull out her own chair, and put on her own jacket? :)
You seem to assume chivalrous gestures are welcome.
True– I know that there are women that dislike chivalrous gestures. However, it’s only polite to accept them graciously rather than chew out the poor guy that decided to do something he thought proper. :)
Sure, but I work for a dry cleaner and I hate to see a nice jacket with mud on it…I cringe to even think about it. So in my case, if a guy put his jacket in a mud puddle I’d probably have a mini heart attack. Just because something is chivalrous doesn’t mean it’s necessary, practical, or even wanted.
Your post is unrepliable. 0_o
This is the advantage dressing more like a guy; it’s unquestionably modest, but people don’t take it as permission to treat you like a lady.
Weird, since I’ve already received a bunch of replies. However, your point is interesting. If dressing "more like a guy" is more modest, shouldn’t we promote that? Well, I always think modesty as having a component that’s "according to your gender so as not to attract attention." Though I’m pretty sure girls could purchase men’s clothing, I’m not sure that it would work for them. And the girl’s knock-offs of men’s clothing all seem to have something to make them show off curves (the jeans that show off the butt, the shirt that is missing a button to show cleavage, etc.) Very rarely will you find something that is that nebulous… or am I off track?
That’s a good point, but it’s also true of more feminine clothing. There is work involved in being modest no matter your style, and I’d rather invest my time in a more androgynous look. Most women won’t end up looking masculine, and even if they do, I don’t understand the problem with that.
Many women that choose to be modest happen to be religious, and there’s a Biblical, Old Testament command that the women and men are supposed to look different. While some women would not really end up looking like a guy, if you get close you’ll definitely become associated with a totally different set of people.
I was just about to mention what MIn said, specifically in response to Chrs’s comment:
“This is the advantage dressing more like a guy; it’s unquestionably modest, but people don’t take it as permission to treat you like a lady.”
God made us ladies, he wants us ladies for a reason and a purpose–why would we want guys to treat us as something we’re not? This confused me. It seems like that would be the option requiring permission.
And then I was going to note (similar to what MIn just said) that we have to have a clear view of the standard. In the case of this website, our standard is the Holy Scripture, and Deuteronomy 22:5 lets us know that God wants women to wear women’s clothes and men men’s clothes. That’s how we set our guidelines.
I differentiate “lady” from “female.” My goal is not to create confusion. Deuteronomy seems to me to be speaking to this particular problem.
I also feel that you have to be careful citing Biblical guidelines, since specific standards are fluid. Being overtly feminine, even in a modest way, is attention seeking behavior by current standards.
“Being overtly feminine, even in a modest way, is attention seeking behavior by current standards.”
It sure seems that way! Whenever I wear a dress or skirt or pretty, blousey top to work, someone always comments on how dressed up I look. It doesn’t stop me because I like dressing the way I dress…I think femininity is awesome, but in our culture it is definitely seen as “attention-seeking”.
I have had guys interested in me before. The few that got close enough that it was appropriate to hint/explain what they were attracted to, usually mentioned modesty. Very encouraging to know that there are a few guys that really do care!
This was a great post. It is very interesting to read peoples comments. I really like dressing like a girl. I wear jeans to the barn and that does make me feel like I look like a boy.