I Can’t Believe She’s Wearing That

One of the downsides of choosing to wear modest clothing is that we build up defenses because choosing to be modest isn’t something that’s publicly promoted.  Everywhere we look we see immodesty, and so it helps us to boost our own moral to look at the way others are dressed and to hypothesize in our mind why they are dressing that way.

The problem here is that this behavior isn’t right simply because we believe that dressing modestly is the correct way to dress.

How Do People Decide What To Wear?

This is one of the obvious lessons from last year’s Quick Reviews.  As we looked at many different items of clothing on many different people the discussion changed from “yes, that top’s too low” and “I think that skirt’s a good length” to “I think that she is trying to show off.”  It moved from talking about what is and is not modest to what the person was thinking as she put on the item.

Now, there’s no mistaking that some people wear certain items for the expressed purpose of sending a message.  I’m not so sure that’s the major reason.

I believe that, if we asked, the deciding factor that most women think about when they’re choosing what items to put on that given day is what they think that they will look good wearing and, as a corollary, what they think will get them attention, unless she wants to hide.

Now, this decision is predicated on a number of inputs:

• What she saw someone else wear.
• What she saw in the department store on a model.
• The reaction to a certain item of clothing worn by someone else.
• Her own shape and how certain clothes fit.

And I’m sure you can suggest some other ones.

So What Are You Saying?

I’m saying that modesty is about more than rules.  It’s about more than skirt length, laying down poses and whether or not cleavage is showing.  It’s a heart choice and a training choice.

That’s why, I believe, there are so many modest retailers that are now finding a market—because women don’t want to be modest as much as they want to look good.  If they can do both: great!

I’m saying that we need to be less about judging people’s motives and more about helping people to see the benefits of modesty.

We need to be aware that women around us are wearing things because they think they look good in them.  They may be sending a message, i.e. I’m sexy, but that’s not always the reason—and even then they think that what they’re wearing is showing of their best parts.

So our mission should be more than just explaining what is modest.  It’s encouraging modesty and highlighting what modesty does in terms of confidence and exemplifying womanhood.

If we can do that, then we can help those around us—we can help to bring them to a higher standard—and making a difference is something we should all strive for!

I'm a 35 year old guy married to the most beautiful woman in the world (VirtuousBlonde) for 10 years, and has 5 mostly adorable children-- depending on whether they've had a nap, of course. I'm a software developer by trade, though I like to write on various topics. I got my start in blogging at MInTheGap in 2004 writing about culture, politics and got started talking about modesty on this site just 3 years ago.