7 Things You Don’t Want in a Modest Formal
Modesty and formals are two things that don’t tend to go hand in hand. I described before that there’s just something special about an occasion that needs a formal dress, and both the guy and the girl take the time to try to make themselves look perfect.
To that end, there are definitely things to avoid—and as the idea of this site is to actually help you visualize problems as well as talk through them, in this post I’m going to show you some images and talk to what to avoid while you’re out looking for that gown. 1
Most formals are going to draw attention to the lady’s form. It’s something that’s usually just a given. The color is going to be something bold, the cut is going to be something that flatters her form, and it’s going to try to make her feel beautiful.
Those are all a given.
#1 Avoid spaghetti straps.
As you can see, this girl to the left is pretty. She has a great color on, and they look very elegant. But the spaghetti straps show off a lot of skin—her soft shoulders—as well as have the front of her dress coming down far enough if Brad is her husband, but too far for onlookers.
Again, a very elegant look, and I can see why she chose the dress, but if you’re going for a modest look, it’s something you want to avoid.
Whereas I believe the above young lady was wanting to look elegant, this young lady is trying to show off what she’s got—or at least that’s what her dress is saying.
#2 Avoid all Dresses that Plunge
This dress draws all the attention to this girl’s top. It focuses all attention on her assets—almost bragging about how developed she is.
Personally, as an aside, it’s amusing to me that girls or guys find natural things as something they wish to brag about. They had nothing to do with when or how they grew up—it was all determined before.
However, I understand it. When young ladies mature, they want to show what they have because it attracts guys. Modesty shows a better way—focusing on who you are, and not on what you are.
#3 Halter Tops Are the Enemy
I can remember vividly a commercial from when I was a kid—it talked about cleaning different clothing with this brand of laundry detergent and one of the pieces was a halter top shirt—for the rebellious girl in you.
Why are halter tops a problem? If it isn’t obvious, halter tops tend to plunge and they expose a lot of your back and upper arms. While I think showing the back isn’t the worst thing, the plunge exposes a lot of chest area and the shoulders display curves/softness. Feminine, but something to be avoided if you’re going for a modest look.
#4 High Slits are not your friend.
You may think that a high slit allows you to have the best of both worlds—having a long length and yet still be a bit “flirty.” The problem is that high slits still expose a whole lot of your leg and invite the opportunity for the guy to look.
Think of wearing a high slit the same as if you were wearing a skirt that ended where the top of the slit ends.
Now, one way to fix this problem is to pin the slit or sew it—but I’m sure that part of the reason for the slit is to be able to wear a tighter dress and still have mobility.
This look just is not modest.
#5 Strapless dresses are feminine, but they help the imagination.
If a strapless dress were worn any other time than a formal, we’d all agree. A survey here at Is This Modest declared that there’s no disagreement that tube tops are immodest, and that’s part of what’s at play here.
And yet I know that there are both women and men that believe that a strapless dress is not only acceptable in a formal situation, but that it is also beautiful and elegant, and I can understand where they are coming from.
What makes a dress feminine is what it shows and how it compliments a woman—and the strapless dress shows the shoulders and there’s no question that it’s a lady wearing it.
Still, I would advise that you should stay away from strapless formals, unless you plan on wearing something to cover your shoulders and exposed skin when you’re in public, simply because of the attention that they bring and what is going on in a guy’s mind.
Granted, there is less attention if there are many women that are in strapless dresses—for then it’s not as big a deal that you’re the only one in it—but the chances for a disaster and the constant need to pull the dress up make these impractical, even if you believe them to be appropriate/modest.
Poison Ivy Originally uploaded by Montecristono4 #6 Though it may cover…
You may believe you’ve found the perfect dress—one that would rank “Modest” in a Quick Review here because it covers everything that needs to be covered. The problem is that material and how tight a dress is can actually show more than you think.
A lot of formal material is shiny, and while most of it is not as shiny as the sequin material in this photo, it all has the same effect. The lighting on this photo shows this woman’s every curve—both the reflection as well as the shadow—making this gown something I would say you shouldn’t wear if you want to look modest.
I personally have wondered about shiny shirts, blouses and skirts for this reason—the way the light reflects can give everything away, and as someone that’s looking to dress modestly, this is something you want to avoid.
#7 Watch That Skirt Length
Though you may be tempted to go a little shorter on your dress length because it is a formal and you’ll be dancing, or you have nice legs, you want to beware of short skirts.
To me, part of being modest is being practical. If I were a girl and I had to spend a lot of the evening making sure my dress didn’t fall down, or that when I sat down I wasn’t exposing any “secrets” to anyone, then it wouldn’t be worth it—especially when there are options out there that would be both formal and modest.
The truth is that formal often means “more elegant”, “more feminine” and “showing more of the female form,” but that doesn’t mean that it has to make any of those statements.
Remember when you are picking out a dress to think about the “opportunities” you’re permitting, and how not only the guy you’re going with will see you, but also the other guys. You want to look nice, you want to feel like a princess, but you also want to say “look at me for who I am, not what I am”.
- And you’ll be able to review the items separately as Quick Reviews! [↩]
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Three cheers for a practical, illustrated list of things that hinder the men! It helps us ladies out. :)
Everything dynamic and very positively! :)
Thanks
Zoran
I don’t think the pictures are necessary…they are immodest and if guys are reading this site (or putting up the pics) that can be a stumbling block – do you think that’s a good idea here?
I think these pictures are very mild compared to what’s on tv commercials, magazines, billboards, or other places. And I’ve definitely seen worse at church. You can’t hide from immodesty; it’s everywhere. I think the pictures help women to see what they’re doing. I’ve met some women that are totally clueless about the subject and how they’re dressing.
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Ok First off I have to say that I absolutly dont think that theres anything wrong with the 1st dress,5th, 6th, or 7th, to be modest you dont have to dress like a nun, gosh.
This was an interesting article, though I really found nothing wrong with the first, third, or sixth dress. Except that the first dress was a little low. In the matter of something showing curves – in order for any garment not to show curves, it would have to not fit, and be extremely loose, and not feminine at all. The bible also calls for you to be modest AND feminine. I also think its kind of mean to pick apart every single aspect of a young girls clothing, making her out to be seemingly “bad”. I agree that modesty is something more people should try and achieve, this article seems a bit too over the top. Soft shoulders are a bad thing? I also find it a little odd that a 33 year old male (it says at the bottom of the article) is writing this. I would be much more accepting of this article if it was a lady, who I could relate to. I do agree with most things on isthismodest . com, though.
Hi Anonymous Me. Modesty is a difficult subject because the standards that people have differ from person to person. The idea of this site is to help people to see that their standard really isn’t the only one, as well as to help people– regardless of their standards– to be modest.
To that end, one of the things that we’ve tried to do is to make it so that the young ladies that read this site get a man’s perspective on what tempts him and what he considers immodest– hence a 33 year old male writing an article about formals. Having seen many women in them (my college featured “Artist Series” where young ladies dressed up in formals) I can tell you that there are a lot of good formals, just not many that are advertised in the usual places.
So this article was intended not as a post to judge people for what they wear (though that’s a reasonable interpretation), but instead to let the reader know what may be the problems for the outfit in question when it comes to modesty. Hence the review will, naturally, be “over the top” in the sense that it will point out everything instead of leaving the gray areas alone. It’s up to the reader to make a decision in the gray areas.
Thanks for reading, and hope you come back!
The picture of the slit reminds me of a verse in the Old Testament about not “baring the thigh”. She almost looks naked. That would be the perfect dress to wear…in your bedroom.
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