Whose Job Is It?
Whose job is it to keep a daughter pure?
We asked the question here at Is This Modest, and his is what you had to say:
Whose job is it to ensure that the ladies in the family are modest?
- The Ladies themselves (53.0%, 17 Votes)
- Dad (34.0%, 11 Votes)
- Mom (13.0%, 4 Votes)
It seems like a majority of you believed that it was the job of the ladies themselves to ensure they were modest, but I’d like to present a different option—one which some of you caught on to—which is, I believe that it is the father’s responsibility to keep the women in the house modest.
A New Definition of a Man’s Work
Whether it’s keeping your daughter pure, or helping your wife know if that dress or outfit is modest, I believe it’s the job of the male leader in the house to help guide and train the ladies in the house in this regard, and for a simple reason:
Modesty effects the male more than the female.
There are benefits to being modest for the girl, but since much of modesty is one’s appearance as seen by a male—well, let me put it this way…
Much of what makes Is This Modest unique is that we have writers here that are male—men that want to share with the women hear—and all that will read—their struggles, what they think and see in different outfits, and through the Quick Reviews you can actually see outfits and hear guy’s comments. When the Modesty Survey came out, it was unique because it surveyed men and teens and got their reaction. If women find this information so invaluable, why aren’t they hearing it from the men in their house?
And the great thing is, some women are—but men need to make sure they see it less as an advisory thing and more of a role they play.
So, I believe that it’s the role of men to protect their daughters and wives from other men’s eyes and lusts to the best that he can.
What do you think?
Yes…. coming from a daughters viewpoint, I rely on my dad to give me guidelines and to let me know if something is immodest!! Not completely and entirely because he is busy and not home all the time obviously so I have to make my own choices also. My mom helps out in a huge way too, but like you said, fathers need to keep a close eye on their girls *especially* in this area because they know all about the guys mind and what they will be thinking when they see that girl.
And yes when it all comes down to it, I feel that being modest is my responsibility. Even if my father would okay an outfit, its my choice how I decide to wear it and present myself to others.
arielles last blog post..Spring.
Your comment reminds me of something I read some time ago where a girl was wearing modest shorts, but after she left the house she rolled them up, and then rolled them back down when she got close to home. At the lowest level we’re all responsible for what we do, but being the father and leader in the home, and the one ultimately responsible to God for his family, your dad needs to lay out the guidelines (like you say he does).
Advice is great. My dad’s demands, though, were less than reasonable in my estimation. I returned so many pairs of jeans, even though my mother helped me pick them out, that it was ludicrous–this was a few years ago when hip-huggers were the norm.
I find that women are much more interested in what’s in style that they sometimes miss the fact that the style has the purpose of drawing attention– so a lot of women are sympathetic to what’s in fashion and will get closer or cross the line. Be thankful that you had a dad that cared how you looked!
Um…The embedded poll is showing as “do you share photos of yourself online?”
Anyway, my father lets me “get away with” more than my boyfriend does, actually. I’m not saying Dad would approve an immodest outfit, but he doesn’t mind if I wear shallow v-necks or certain other things, and my boyfriend does. I’ve learned (the hard way) that borderline immodesty doesn’t help but rather hurts my relationships with guys.
Actually, the embedded poll appears to be dynamic- it just changed after my first comment to “have you ever had a lying-down picture taken?”
I’m confused!!
I updated which poll was showing– I was supposed to be able to just link to the poll itself, but that doesn’t seem to be working.
Good for your boyfriend!
I agree! When I buy something new, and it isn’t, like, a denim skirt or something that I already have five of (*Grin*), I ask Dad what he thinks. If he doesn’t like it, off it goes. If he does, cheers!
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I think it is the responsibility of both parents. However, to avoid the mother daughter struggle, I really like what an older, wiser woman told me. They would have “daddy tests.” The girls could buy whatever they wanted, but they had to pass the daddy test. If they didn’t, they had to return the clothes or modify them.
Random question – why is “modesty survey” crossed out?
[link redacted]
I like the idea of “Daddy test”. And the link was crossed out because it wasn’t valid for some reason. I believe it’s now fixed.
Chrs – I personally think hip huggers are fine if you have a long shirt tucked in underneath them and are wearing a reasonable lengthed shirt over top.
Long shirts were the compromise that was eventually reached. Mine were supposed to be long enough that one couldn’t see skin no matter what position I was in, so there wasn’t much necessity for an undershirt.
You’re right, though, MIn, that I got a good standard of modesty from my dad, although I don’t adhere to it anymore.
Yay…a post on this topic. I totally agree with you MInTheGap! As the leader of his home, a father has a big part of the responsibility in the area of modesty.
I’m thankful that my Dad cares about what I wear and that he wants to protect me. Both my Mom and Dad are “advisers” in this area.
Just last night I was wearing a new sweater and my Dad told me that he liked it.:) That always makes me feel special!
So Dad’s, protect your daughters…but don’t forget to compliment them when they are modest, it means more than you’ll know!
THis is excellent. I never thought about it like that. I like that. Thank you.
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Whose job is it to keep a daughter pure?
I would tend to think it’s the mom’s role to ensure the daughter’s modesty. Modesty does not just cover the dress she dresses. To me, it is more than that. For example, the way our daughter carries herself in public, the way she sits while wearing a skirt etc. The Dad’s contribution in this area is perhaps limited to the “visual” contribution but a Mom knows know – simple because she had gone through that path before. Modesty must be cultivated from a young age, at least when the daughter grows up, it is “burn” into her certain things are just no-no.
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