Don’t (Just) Listen to Us

The authors and contributors of Is This Modest?, like anyone else with a blog, have lots of opinions supported by logical arguments. However, when you decide what you wear, and what you consider modest, don’t let our opinions become your rules. Because when it comes right down to it, our opinions aren’t what is important. Is This Modest is here to be an encouragement to those pursuing modesty, and a place of information for those who are interested in what modesty means.

When you decide to start establishing the rules or guidelines for your wardrobe and attitudes, you should be asking an authority figure in your own life. If you are living under your father’s protection, you should be going to him for his thoughts. If you are married, you need to be seeking your husband’s opinion on what he considers modest.

If you are in the situation of not having a father or husband, or if they are not saved (or aren’t interested in modesty) then you need to be on the lookout for a godly woman whose counsel you respect. We at ITM are happy to offer our thoughts and advice on clothes and modesty in general, but we can not be your leader or your authority.

I especially want to stress to married women: “Listen to your husband on modesty.” He might be very conservative…maybe even more so than you. Following his preferences will show him honor and respect, even if you may not understand exactly why he holds them. After all, we are seeking modesty to save our bodies for our husbands, and to keep from being alluring to other men. Who understands a male’s reaction to the clothes you are wearing better than your own husband?

I know that there are some men out there that want their wives to dress more provocatively to show off their “hot wife”. If you are not comfortable with what your husband wants you to wear, there are several things you can do. First, talk to him. Explain exactly why it is that you want to dress differently. Maybe you can come to a place of middle ground. Also, pray! You shouldn’t be nagging your husband about something you don’t agree on, but there is nothing wrong with praying that God will direct your husband; but no matter what, you need to honor your husband. (There are some extreme circumstances that this may not cover, but this is not the place to address that…)

And lastly, I will stress this…Since part of the point of modesty is to save your body for your husband’s eyes only, don’t forget that this mindset taken to an extreme (i.e., even when you are alone together in your own home) can be detrimental to a healthy marriage relationship¹. If he understands that you are dressing a certain way (in part) to prevent other men from lusting after you, I believe he will be honored and excited…but you have to make sure he (frequently) gets what you are saving for him. Hopefully I don’t need to go into any more detail on this one…

So while ITM is here to offer tips, thoughts, reviews, encouragement and logical arguments for our positions on modesty, we aren’t here to dictate or lead you. You can find opinion after opinion on the internet of what other people think you should be wearing, but when it comes right down to it, your standards on modesty should come from 1.) God and 2.) Your husband or father (if you have one).

1. For more information, see MIn’s article here: http://isthismodest.com/2008/09/15/between-husband-and-wife/ [↩]