I Know What You’re Thinking
September 11, 2008 by Anna Grace
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Actually, I’ve realized over the past week and a half that ITM has been up that I have no idea what men are thinking. And it’s probably better that way. God didn’t give me mind-reading powers for a reason. 1 I don’t understand what fashions trip men up and what don’t. I never would’ve thought that wearing a comfy, soft sweater or belted dress could be insensitive to the men around me. Maybe I should invest in a burka…
A lot of modesty, it turns out, is in how a piece of clothing can be interpreted. A soft sweater, for instance, isn’t immodest in itself. Instead, it’s the “Come, touch me” vibe it sends off that causes it to be a stumbling block. Since I don’t understand how men think, I don’t understand what I need to be careful of.
On the flip side, men don’t understand how women think and what causes them to trip up. For a man, it’s a simple task to be modest in covering up. But modesty’s more than just not showing skin – it’s helping others keep from lusting after you. And though I’ve rarely seen a man inappropriately dressed, I have seen many men who it’s difficult not to lust after. The plaid shorts above are a good example. They cover as much skin as any other pair of shorts, and yet these would cause me to stumble. Why? Simple: They look to me like boxars. Any plaid linen or cotton shorts cause me to do a double-take. Even though I know these are much too long to be boxars, the pattern and texture are the exact same. So instead of wearing those, what shorts could men wear around me and I’d be fine? Khaki cargo shorts, denim shorts, or solid colored shorts are all good. Either the texture (denim) is different enough or the pattern doesn’t remind me of boxars.
What are some other wardrobe shifts men can make to help us ladies?
- Though why he gypped me out of telekenetic abilities, I’ll never know. [↩]
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I don’t know where you guys get your pictures; I need the name of the sites you use so I can do my own searching.
What trips me up is when a man (especially if he has a nice build or broad shoulders) is wearing a polo-style shirt that is too tight – as in tight enough that it conforms to his muscles without being skintight. In my opinion, he might as well be walking around shirtless because my eyes immediately want to check out his build. Guys don’t realize that while women don’t struggle with visual attraction as much as men do, we can still be tripped up by visual stimulation.
I just go to http://www.images.google.com and search for different phrases. I try not to use images that might be copywrited. You also have to be careful because there are lots of inappropriate photos depending on the phrase you use to search by.
I know what you mean – I’m definately attracted to upper arms/shoulders/upper back and guys don’t realize what they’re doing to women. Hubs loves wearing tight shirts because he has a nice physique (he tried amateur bodybuilding for a while) and people have made comments about him. He never believed there was anything wrong with it. Now his guy friends just tease him mercilessly when he wears tight shirts and that usually bruises his pride enough that he’ll go change.
My hubs is the same way (not an amateur bodybuilder, but he wrestled in high school so lots of upper body strength). He has a polo shirt that I LOVE (maybe this is why my eyes get drawn to the other polo shirts… hmmm…) but even though his physique isn’t quite what it used to be (he is almost 30, after all) it still gets me worked up!
To be fair, my physique isn’t quite what it used to be, either! :)
This is what makes me stop in my tracks:I see a nice looking boy walking towards me [in a hallway, down the street, etc.] He could be wearing a tight polo [which I also agree is rather too nice looking] or a size XXXL striped shirt. But when I turn around after he passes, normally to see if I like his hair, I can see his boxers/briefes. No one should be wearing anything that shows that much.
Haha, Rachel. Most people’s physiques aren’t quite what they used to be. C’est la vie.
Cami, I know what you mean – I shouldn’t know what type of underwear a guy wears! Just my husband and (someday) sons – until they’re old enough to buy their own, that is.
Thank you. Although it is something I am not particularily attracted to I still don’t want to see it. It’s undergarments! It’s like a lady going around with bright blue bra straps handing out of a black shirt. And even as a female I go “Wait a minute there.”
But yes, I happen to third that polo/tight shirt as a stumbling block. That is certainly the first thing I notice.
@Aisling: Is a polo shirt less modest than a regular dress shirt? I would think that it might be, unless there’s no under layer. White shirts with no undershirt on a guy is asking for trouble. Would you agree?
I’m a guy with quite a small upper body that actually looks quite feminine. That’s not my choice, it’s just how I’ve grown as a result of a metabolic disorder. I sometimes wear tunics and turtleneck shirts because I find they better express my non-aggressive nature. I don’t usually think about them being tight in a way that outlines my form, although they do fit reasonably closely. I should point out that (especially in the winter) I’ll normally wear a suit coat or pullover on top. Are tunics and turtlenecks a problem on smaller guys too?
Another question: ever since I became a Christian it’s become natural for me to show compassion to women, far more so than most guys I know. Is there a point where Christian compassion can become sweet-talking that causes a woman to fantasize about a relationship?
Paul, fantastic question about compassion vs. sweet-talking. You can absolutely cause a woman to stumble by being there for her emotionally. It’s truly best to leave the ministry of women to other women, just like it’s best for a hurting man to be ministered to by another man. I have fallen for many men who have been there for me emotionally – it’s a tough thing to work through.
Thank you for being concerned about helping godly women stay godly!
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I generally have more trouble with a guy who knows how to flirt in a way that seems nice and godly or who treats me as if he’s interested when he’s really not. It comes down to offering something that you’re not really going to give. Also known as teasing or more accurately, defrauding. This applies to both guys and girls although it works differently for both.
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